Rick Scollins used to do Derbyshire dialect recitations. One is in a series of books he wrote on the dialect, and was given to him by a couple he met. I often do it:

ERNIE DUNN

When Ernie Dunn wor still alive
folks sed 'e wor no good.
But nah 'e's dead, they changed their tune:
'e's called "misunderstood".

But Ernie Dunn can 'ear 'em not -
'e's climbed the gowden steer.
At last 'e's come to't'gowden geet
and thunders, "Oppen theer!"

"What dost tha want?", St. Peter sez,
"Why dost tha mek that din?"
"Ah'm Ernie Dunn," Owd Dunn replies,
"Tha'd better let mey in!"

St. Peter shook 'is 'oary 'ead,
and tonned as if ter go:
"No Dunn can enter 'ere, me lad.
Thee 'op it - dahn below."

"'ark 'ere, owd chap," sez Ernie Dunn,
"Thi face is nice and kind.
Thee tek a lowk in t' gowden bowk:
ah'm sure tha'll change thi mind."

"Well just to please thee," Peter sez,
"ah'll go and look in t' book.
But goin' be what ah've 'eard o' thee,
ah'm 'fraid tha's aht o' luck."

St. Peter went to look in t' book -
'e thowt owd Dunn'd weet.
When 'e com back, owd Dunn wor gone:
and so were t' gowden geet!


There's another one about a guy with a tattooed nose, but it's much longer.
I have two original monologue books from the Stanley Holloway stable, with the famous Albert and other tales in them. They are in pristine condition, and I treasure them.

Andrea