DERE CLETUS,
Az yew kno I hav allus respekted yore opyums and philsofallys but I must step forph an' say to try an' not think too unkintly of pore Spaw. I knoh fer a fack that he iz a liddel over calfienated of late and this iz partly due to the coffee and lentil enemas which he haz become more than fond of, of lat. This explanz hiz curtness an shortness of breathe and I am sartin thet it haz nuffing to do with Paw setting fire to hiz backyard a while ago.(Clik and reed number 4 in the Chronicles of CLETUS) It iz an afflickshun thet I wuld not wish on nobody else an he iz more to be pityed than abhorred. I hav high hopes thet he will recommmit hizzelf to the Neil Young Institute For the Terminally Screwed before he gets too far gone but we kin only hope .
In other appeeranz I would heerby say I am vary grateful for the menny not-a-birfday wishes from all conserned and am reel grateful thet I am not banished from this form az it iz a gude place to larn more things than I kin handle sumtimes. I yam gude fer another year when my non-birfday will more that likely roll around agin ef all goes purty well.

Yerz,
Tweedzrdzz