I have quite a bit of experience with phone relationships, from a number of views and paradigms. Here's what I have found.

There all kinds of falling in love. One kind is the kind that has certain logistical boundaire sbuilt into it, that liomit what can happen. It can make for a kind of safety that you can't have in person, and it can be a safe place to play with what is not comfortable in person. This means that you can look at all kinds of things, in that relationship, that are more difficult in person, and you can use that intentionally to work on things that will foowe,r, later, with someoneelse, in person. A phone realtionship can have lasting value but it is kind of it's own critter and shold be treated such. Very few can bear the load of expectations that come with a fuller relationship-- because the foundation is diofferent from the start.

If the two people incvoivled are the ones who posted above, you have a good start on at least being clear with each other what the situation amounts to. Continuing to communicate about that is a very good thing to do.

Phone sex, on the other hand (no pun intended but there it is, eh?), is rather like an addiction that seems to serve a need but actually feeds the need more than satisfies it. If by "falling in love" you mean it'smaking you horny, it would be a good idea to spend some time individually, off on your own, thinking about what's actually happening in that department, and how it's affecting what drew you together at first.

Finally, the real test is, how's your life going since this began? Here are some questions you can ask yourself.

Not how do I FEEL, but what is HAPPENING in my life overall? Is this relationship (in its phone form) making my life better if I look at my life logically? Does it invite you to be a better person (maybe it's empowerment), or does it make you feel complete (maybe it's co-dependency), because it fills gaps you think you have in yourself?

Ask yourself, what were my goals and dreams, across the board, before it started? Am I making progress toward these, now, or is it taking time and energy that needs to go toward those goals?

Is what is happening consistent with the beliefs and values I had beforehand, or have I found that I have had to give way on what I believe in order to maintain this? If I pray/meditate/reflect on it all, with some detachment, what does my gut tell me?

If I had a daughter/son this age, invovled in this, would what is happening trouble me? Would my best friends see what I see, in what this is bringing me?

For me, I have stories from both sides of that empowerment/dependency continuum. Some glorious times in my life and some times I felt great but almost died. The feelings can make it very, very easy to repeat past poor choices. But then, life in general is like that.


Perhaps the most valuable question I can suggest you ask yourself is, what made you ask for advice about it? What is that deep question that you are not sure you can answer for yourself, about this?

~Susan