It is that time of year to join together and celebrate the life and times of Robert Burns by raising a few toasts, singing a few songs, reading a few poems and eating questionable sustenance.

One can only wonder why this following treasure of Rabbie's was lost for so long and now found. Here it is, please read aloud and enjoy!


                   Tae a Fert

Oh what a sleekit, horrible beastie
Lerks in yer stomach efter a feastie.
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin,
There sterts tae stir an enormous wind.

The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
Start workin' like a gentle breeze.
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will huv ye blawin' a' ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae huv tae pay.
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.

Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air.
Shift yersel' fae cheek to cheek
An' pray tae God it disnae reek.

But a' yer efforts gae assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder.
It ricochets aroon' the room
Michty me! A sonic boom!

God a'mighty, it fairly reeks
(Ah hope ah huvnae shat ma breeks!)
Straight tae the bog ah better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no' ma worry.

A'body roon' aboot me's chokin',
Wan or two are nearly bokin'.
Ah'll feel much better fur a while,
Ah cannae help but raise a smile.

"Wis him!!" ah shout, wi accusin' glower.
Alas, too late. He's just keeled ower.
"Ye derty bugger!" they shout and stare.
Och, ah dinnae feel welcome ony mair.

Where e'er ye be, let yer wind gang free
(sounds jist the job fur thee and me)
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
A' ower the sake o' wan wee ferty.