I can't speak to the question directly, but it occurs to me that you are not happy with the activity of music ("getting up on stage") - but perhaps you might immerse yourself in other people's recorded music and find some solace or connection. Try variety ... go to the library and find some things you've never tried before and maybe wanted to ... try blues, especially old blues, try classical, try choral or opera ... maybe this coupled with your efforts to treat the depression (it sounds like you are doing that) will rekindle your enjoyment of performance.

Best of luck.