You're bereaved & grieving & suffering from a loss,depression is a common & a natural occurrence after such an event. It takes time to work through it so don't think of it as pathological just yet. Your music is in you & always will be, sometimes it does get lost for a while but in time it can be reclaimed & is sometimes better & more fulfilling than it was before. Keep slogging away & do what is right for YOU, be kind to yourself & love yourself.