The vesion we heard came from an old family friend, British expatriot, world class sailor, co-inventor of amphibious DUCK in WW II, naturalist, bird painter, Denis Puleston of Brookheaven, Long Island, New York.

I Don't Want to be a Soldier-4

(This "Call out my Mother..." chorus is cribbed from a version of "Boys of the Old Brigade"; parody of "I'll Make a Man Out of You")


Monday I touched her on the ankle,
Tuesday I touched her on the knee,
Wednesday with success I lifted up her dress,
Thursday her chemise, gor-blimey!
Friday I put my hand upon it,
Saturday she gave me balls a tweak,
But it was Sunday after supper,
I rammed it up her scupper,
Now I do it seven days a week, gor-blimey!

I don't want to join the Army,
I don't want me knackers shot away,
I just want to hang around,
Piccadilly underground,
Living off the earnings of a high born lady,
Call out the Army and the Navy,
Call out the old Home Guard,
You can always call the Bold Territorials,
They'll save England with a smile, gor-blimey!

Call out me mother and me brother,
Call out the old Home Guard;
You can call out me mother,
Me sister and me brother,
But for God's sake, don't call me!

Although Denis died some two years ago there are times I swear I can still hear echoes of him singing this at the top of his lungs!

Be nice if this could be traced back to the Nepolianic war period; looks promising to me.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble