Here's Deck Deckman's revision of Mark Twain's "The War Prayer".

The War Prayer, Revised

O Lord our Father, protect our noble leader from ill-advised cries that he must justify his demands of war, protect him from those who wish to restrict his wishes by appealing to ancient documents, who try to hinder him with demands that he consider the needs of others who aren't us.

O Lord, help us maintain our mighty economic sanctions, keeping from our enemies food and medicine for their sick and dying children.

As our young patriots -- sons of the poor and powerless, for the sons of the rich and powerful must never be exposed to such danger -- go forth to battle yet again be Thou near them!

With them in spirit we also go forth, O Lord, to smite this week's designated enemies from the sweet peace of our beloved TV with its beautiful and bloodless pictures of carnage, described to us by smiling and fawning lackeys who once were reporters.

O Lord Almighty, help us to tear their soldiers and their children to bloody shreds with our bombs dropped from 30,000 feet so that our airmen soldiers need never fear a bullet nor a blade, nor see what they have done.

Help us shatter their hospitals with our bombs, O Lord, so the shrieking wounded can find no solace. Help us destroy their water supplies so disease and death from polluted wells will be visited upon all of them. Help us scatter their land with depleted uranium to give them agonizing cancers, and help us fill their cities and fields with cluster bombs and mines that kill curious little children.

Help us use our mighty steel machines to bury alive their patriots as they futilely try to stem our advance with puny weapons; help us use our burrowing bombs to find the deep shelters and turn mothers sheltering infants into bloody pulp.

O Lord our God, help us plunder their oil to pay for the bombs that destroy them; help our military governors guide their destiny in ways that will always protect and serve us and our interests.

Help our leaders and our town criers keep the ugliness of what we do from our sight so that we never need waste our pity on those we afflict.

For our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast the hopes of our enemies, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the everfaithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


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