THE BURGLAR MAN

I will tell you a story 'bout a burglar man
Who started to rob a house
He creeps right in at the window
Just as quietly as a mouse.

He was thinkin' of some money that he would get
As under the bed he lay
He certainly saw a sight that night
That made his hair turn grey

About nine o'clock an old maid came in.
"Oh, I'm so tired," she said.
And thinkin' that all was very well,
She forgot to look under the bed.

So she took out her teeth and her big glass eye
And her hair right off her head;
This burglar man, he had forty-eleven fits
As he came from out under the bed.

From under the bed this burglar came
He was a total wreck;
The old maid, she didn't holler at all,
She just grabbed him 'round the neck

And from a drawer a gun she drew,
And to this burglar man said,
"Young man, if you don't marry me,
I'll blow off the top of your head."

So he looks at her teeth and her big glass eye
And he has no place to scoot.
He said to the old maid standing by,
"Woman, for the Lord's sake, shoot!"

As sung by Bob Carpenter
Alan Lomax Collection: "Southern Journey Vol. 2: Ballads and Breakdowns"