I went to work today after my weekend (Wed. and Thur.) and updated my "Every Day's a Holiday" desk calendar. It seems that on Wed., the swallows were supposed to return to Capistrano. This is usually a footnote in the local paper, but was overlooked because of the war. So, does anyone know if they got there? I thing it was last year that they missed and went somewhere else. And the buzzards are supposed to return to Hinkley, Ohio at about the same time. No word again in the papers. Saturday, Mar. 22 is designated as International Goof-off Day. Clearly, Pres. Bush doesn't have the same calendar, or he would have postponed the war. The rest of you can goof off for a day. I have to work. It's bad enough I had to work on Christmas, but this is too much. I can't even take it easy, because the Delaware River was 14 feet above normal this morning, and probably 17 feet by 3:30 this afternoon. It's supposed to crest either tomorrow or Sunday. My patrol route covers about 60 miles of the Delaware shore line in New Jersey along with a canal that parallels the river and is also flooding. I'll be roping off boat ramps and such, and pulling unfortunate (and stupid) people out of the river and canal. I'll use the yellow "POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS" tape, and people will tear it down because it's really just a form of police harassment and the river isn't dangerous, and besides, the rangers can't really do anything to us, I know because I saw a nature documentary about a bear named Yogi and they're really just a bunch of bone headed buffoons. If you live along the Delaware, all I can say is EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE, GET OUT! DO IT NOW!GO GO GO GO!

Okay Steve, take a breath. Have a happy Int'l Goof-off Day, everyone, and let me know about the swallows and buzzards.