As I write this, I realize what a prisoner of my own experiences I am. I have experienced both sides of the peace equation. I was raised with the "my country right or wrong" etho's, yet lost it during the 1969 - 1975 time frame. I want peace more than I can express, yet I have seen what happens when the "peace at all costs" attitudes prevail. I love the people who are bold enough to protest this war, yet wonder where they were when Saddam was gassing the Kurds, and arbitrarily killing anyone who disagreed with him. Having experienced war, and hating it, I still wonder what solutions my friends in the peace movement offer to world events. I wonder why there weren't mass demonstrations when it was only Iraqui children dying and not American troops. How do we deal with despots who do terrible things, if not through the sword?

Yet, my spiritual leader tells me this is an unjust war. I can't help but notice the hypocrisy of attacking Iraq for not complying with UN resolutions, yet Israel leads the way in ignoring them. Saddam has a terrible record of human abuse, yet Israel certainly is in the top 10. I can't help but notice the manufactured links of Saddam to Al Quaeda, yet we continue to ignore the fact that virtually all of the ringleaders of this murderous bunch come from Saudi Arabia. Yet we ignore this fact, I suspect, due to our need of their oil which makes us guilty of acting with morals of convenience. We talk of coalitions, yet act unilaterally.

And I hate the coverage of this war. It is too sterile. I want people to see bodies, and blood, and see the screaming, terrified kids. I want them to experience their sons and daughters crying for their lives as they die. I want them to see the lives torn apart. I want this for the right, and the left, the conservative and the liberal. I want them to understand the gravity of war, so they will understand why we must hone diplomacy and sanctions into a more formidable weapon so that we need not kill and be killed. I think that only those who have experienced the horror can truly, and primally, understand why this is such a tragedy.

If this sounds rambling and unfocused, it is because it is. I am trapped by the experiences that leave me confused about proper action. I think I shall turn off the TV, as my friend Jerry suggests. I will take the guitar, the pipes, and the old Low D to the hill. And I think I will cry for what I know is happening. Why, Lord, can't we learn?

Mick