I was browsing through a politically oriented site a couple of days ago (conservative, actually, which one would think wouldn't bother Ashcroft all that much) when I got a pop-up window hawking something like "Windows Washer" (I can't remember if that's exactly what it was called, but that's close), warning me that my perambulations through cyberspace were being traced, and since I was undoubtedly spending my on-line time in politically subversive sites, porn sites, or both, I really needed to eliminate my trail and prevent people from inevitably learning of my sleazy habits of treachery and perversion. I could cover my slimy, disgusting trail and prevent such invasions of my privacy by clicking on "Download."

The pop-up covered my whole screen, including all my toolbars and my taskbar. No way to get rid of it. So I hit my reset button. My computer cycled through, my regular desktop appeared for a few seconds, then the damned "Windows Washer" thing covered the screen again. I tried it several times with the same result. So I figured, "Okay, since it seems to be the only way out, I'll see what this thing is all about," planning on hitting the reset button again if things got too far out of hand, and I clicked on "Download." The next thing it wanted, of course, was my personal information and my credit card number ($79.95). The only way to get rid of it was to fill in the information it wanted, which I wasn't about to do. Fury and Frustration!!

And then, good ole Bill Gates and his buggy Windows 98 rode in at the last moment, just like the Cavalry! My computer froze! Fortunately, Norton Crashguard was still functional. A Crashguard screen appeared (Oh, bless you, Mr. Norton!), so I clicked on "Terminate Program." That got me back to my desktop, and in the second or so before the pop-up could appear again, I clicked on "Start," then "Find," then "Files and Folders," and typed in what I figured was the first part of the program title plus an asterisk, and BINGO! I lucked out and found it among my program files, in a whole folder it had built for itself. I deleted the whole thing with a might bellow. And then . . . all quiet on the Western Front.

I had a trial version of AdSubtract PRO on my computer, but it had lapsed. Since it had lapsed, I'd had been plagued by a major increase in pop-ups. It had at least drastically reduced the number of pop-ups I was getting and allowed me to go in and zap selected cookies, spyware, and other such sneaky stuff, so I decided to pay them their stipend ($39.95), and downloaded the full version—and their Sygate Personal Firewall PRO as well. Between the two of them, they've got a lot of neat features, the chief of which is that since I activated it, no more pop-ups. And it lets me know when my computer is sending information out, along with who it's sending it to, and asks me if I want to allow it. Tranquillity reigns again.

I'm a fairly peaceable sort, but whoever invented pop-ups—especially the ones you can't get rid of—ought to be boiled in oil!

Don Firth