Here we go folks. My second attempt at posting Jeremy Taylor's brilliant "Liberal Man". Those of you who have a better memory than me - and there are some people like that - please mail in the corrections!


LIBERAL MAN (Jeremy Taylor)

I am a Liberal man and I do the best I can
To set the world to rights so I can sleep at night
I always remonstrate against the things I hate
But there's nothing I hate more than that bloke who lives next door
'Cos he's a Tory, an exploiter and a nouveau Fascist pig
And he struts around his swimming pool like Mr. Bloody Big
And I hate him and I loathe him – I can't stand his silly head
If I have to see him any more I'd rather see him dead

I am a tolerant man and I do the best I can
To set the world to rights so I can dream at night
A chance I never miss to stamp out prejudice
But that bloke next door from me – he's got them all from A to Z (American Z)
He's a racist, an imperialist, a white man to the core
A lousy Empire Loyalist and a monumental bore
He talks about the Pakis and the Fuzzies and the Wogs
The Eyeties and the Gyppos and the Chinkies and the Frogs
And I hate him and I loathe him and I don't know what to do
But he isn't even English – he's just another bloody Jew!
Not that I care – not that I mind (Six eight time)
I believe in the brotherhood of mankind
I sift information and study the news
I've formulated my personal views

I am a studious man and I do the best I can
To set the world to rights so I can read at night
My philosophic tracts and Penguin paperbacks
But next door there'd be a riot if he changed his literary diet
He takes the Telegraph and Punch and Sunday Express
The Illustrated London News and Reader's Digest
Country Life and Field are his intellectual limit
And he always takes The Tatler – just in case he's in it
And I hate him and I loathe him
The fathead Lah di Dahdian
I've a mind to go and thrash him with my copy of The Guardian

I am a peaceful man and I do the best I can
To set the world to rights so I can dream at nights
My benevolence extends to all our feathered friends
Which is more than I can say for that bloke across the way (needs checking)
He's always hunting and shooting and chasing all the time
He likes to murder foxes with all those other swine
And I hate him and I loathe him and I can't stand his bloody dog
If it ever comes round here again I'll flush it down the bog!
And I hate him and I loathe him but I am I know I am
I'm a Liberal, tolerant, studious and REASONABLE sort of man!