I first heard this sung by Malcolm Stent, who we'd booked because £30 was more than we could afford for Jasper Carrot. I subsequently heard it on a Fred Wedlock album. I don't know who wrote it, but it's saved my life a few times when I've been in one of those sessions where you can't think of what to sing next!

Robin Hood was a bloke who robbed across the land
Shooting arrows far and near
He fired at the rich and mowed down the poor
And now and then he hit a passing deer

Maid Marion was his missus and she had two lovely eyes,
Feet as big as boats.
He let her hang around 'cos she was the only girl in town
What could fetch him out his Nottingham Evening Post

Ch: Oh Robin was a bloke and he owned many bows,
Kept 'em all nice and clean
He died in his prime at the age of eighty nine
Of a nasty case of eyeball gan-ger-ine

He had a fight upon a log with a bloke called Little Jog (sic)
Made poor Robin look a proper twit.
He upped with his pole and he scored a perfect goal
And he knocked poor Robin flying in the water

When it came to singing songs, well, they could not go wrong
Their minstrel's name was Allan a'Dale
He minstrelled through the day and he minstrelled through the night
So they drowned him in a keg of Watney's pale

Ch

While walking through the wood, this randy Robin Hood,
With most of his merry men
To make this song real crude, past by them dashed a nude
And he never saw his merry men again

A bloke was being hung, and Robin said 'Thats wrong!'
'I'll stop his exe-cut-i-on' he said.
He loaded up his bow and let an arrow go
And shot the poor bugger through the head.

Now the friar's name was Tuck, he didn't give a damn,
He wouldn't ever help them in a fight.
He wouldn't help them hunt, the rotten lazy friar,
He just sat around and stuffed himself all night.

Ch.

As long as birds are here, as long as blokes drink beer,
As long as two and two make five,
As long as clipper ships keep on peddling cannabis pips
Then the name of Robin Hood will stay alive

It will spread throughout the land, it will pass from hand to hand,
His deeds exaggerated by the gross
They'll glorify his name and cover up with fame
The thieving robbin' bastard that he was.

Ch.