Found this in my tray at work today and had a chuckle;

HAZARDOUS MATERIAL DATASHEET

ELEMENT         Woman
SYMBOL          O+
DISCOVERER      Adam
ATOMIC MASS    Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1.Body surface normally covered with a film of powder and paint.
2.Boils at absolutely nothing.
3.Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1.Reacts well to gold, platinum and all precious stones.
2.Explodes spontaniously without reason or warning.
3.The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USE
1.Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.Can greatly aid relaxation.
3.Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

HAZARDS
1.Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.
2.Possession of more than one is possible but specimens must never make eye contact.


Disclaimer;
The originator of this thread does not necessarily subscribe to all or any of the views outlined above.
(but he might)