Well, as far as I'm concerned a good whine over real troubles, just like a good cry, is very cleansing. Maya Angelou is a good poet but her personal life is not so pristine that her homilies need be taken as gospel.

Kat...first off, sorry you are in a state. Very wise to reach out, look for support and suggestions. You never know when some one thing will ring your bell and it is helpful at any time to know that people care about you.

I live wi/chronic illness/pain also, and have just come to accept that there will some days when I just blow it...get tired of doing the "right thing" and still feeling awful, angry, frustrated, etc. At such times I try to keep subsequent self-bashing at a minimum (hard to avoid completely), knowing that 1)it is desctructive and 2)doesn't usually change anything.

I try to be aware of my Circadian rhythms...if my energy comes up at 5PM, for instance, I don't fight the lethargy at noon, just try to get as much done as possible while I'm feeling up. Letting go of that old sense of control, of being able to "make" your body respond, at command, is sometimes necessary.

When I was first diagnosed w/lupus, and very ill, I rented comedy videos nearly every day. So if I was too exhausted to do anything, I'd put in a video, say to hell with it, and with luck in a few minutes would be laughing. I don't know if laughter really IS the best medicine, but it beats anger, dispair and frustration.

If you have the energy and spirit to do anything, try not to overdo. Take pleasurable breaks of 30 min. or so...good book, some dulcimer practice, meditation, whatever is restful and fun. When those "must do" lists get long, and there's no energy to do much, it's easy to go overboard trying to compensate...short term heroics compound the problems often, the next day.

Lists can be good, however, especially if you list what really needs to be done: not "clean bedroom" but all the steps listed separately that it takes to get a clean bedroom. That way if you only have the energy to dust, or make the bed, you can cross something off on the list. This sounds childish, even to me, yet there is an undeniable good feeling about crossing off stuff on a long list.

Most of all, honor your body. True, it's not functioning at top speed at the moment, but before you knock it, try to stay aware of all the stuff it is still doing right. Complex machinery, so complex nobody really understands it. It is a miracle all the things it can do, even when stressed.

Take care....Nancy