That's a tough one. Here's my attempt at transcribing Old Reuben at mp3.com. It's probably not completely right, but maybe someone else can improve on it:

Well, Rube was an old friend o' mine
Whenever he come to town
Well, the old lady thought a Reuben would
Pull the lady's socks rolled down.

That horse ain't nothin' don't ride around town
Well, listen right then I'll tell yous all about
If you can't do like my other one would
You can't be a roustabout.

Well, everybody thought they'd going to have a good time.
Then that state went dry.
Well, I called up a bootlegger,
Say, gimme a quart o' corn 'fore I die.

[By the way, smokeyjoe, do you know of anyone else who has recorded a version of "Old Reuben" with bawdy lyrics?]