WHAT IS THIS CRAP?

PLEESE, PLEESE! Fergive my poor stoopid sole and let me be sumptin Ah kin be proud of! Yer Royal Fisrt Duck of Missersippi!

Yerz,
A humbel and repentinent Tweed

PS
Heres to King khandu do!
Yay fer King khandu
He's is my flavorite King
And I luv Joe Offer, too!

It is obvious to anyone with at least one good eye and most of a brainstem that this is NOT me, the spelling is much worse than anything I could come up with, no matter how many JimBeams were involved. And also that this "person" has all the earmarks of a severely disturbed mind,no doubt brought on by many years of self abuse. The very idea.....that a usurper could come into this hallowed ground and impersonate perfectly reasonable patrons of the last bastion of worldwide civility...I find myself horribly upset and offended, yes, OFFENDED, that the Cafe has been invaded by this mad person.

I have a strong suspicion that the guilty party may very well have the initials "K k", whose steadily deteriorating condition is a matter of public record, as is witnessed by some of his "Ken-I-Hate-Pupsandsmallchildren-khandu" posts. Naturally, being a refined gentleman, I'll refrain from pointing in the general direction of the Mizippi backwoods where this certain highly delusional character resides and taps out this slander.

I can only imagine that there is an element of jealousy that eats away at him to cause this vitriol to spew, since he is forced share the Gala CrossBurning and the Poopshoot Flyer Finale with the un-birthday of pore Catspaw, a hapless bystander, whose only crime was to be born a couple months from now.

I am so offended by these current developments, that a trip to the backwoods is even now being planned. I expect to enlist the aid of my staunch friend and retired used car salesman Boberdz, to teach this imposter a lesson he will not soon forget.

Yerz,
Tweed (offended to the point of insensibility)