It sounds to me like you need, basically, a lap to curl up in and just feel some feelings. They are not supposed to be felt alone. If you can find a safe lap to hole up in and thaw out, you will find your way back to the music.

If nothing else, PM me what you have been thinking and feeling and I can be a starter-lap. (The tools I use are described at www.rc.org.) My time online each day is variable, but I think you will find that the time you spend writing will bring healing tears, more than whatever I say in response, so go ahead and write and let's see if we can get you started.

~Susan