Warning: Jokes and irony below. Not to be taken (too) seriously.

I've told bits of this sordid tale in other threads over four years, but perhaps I'll give you the full story, and if anyone else has any deep dark hostilities and phobias, they can add to it.

My folks decided when I was about 13 that as a weird little kid, I really should get away from home. Now a stint in Military school simply isn't the "Canadian Way", so they picked out a very expensive snotty upper crust "British style" Private school in Montreal called 'Lower Canada College'. In Britain, I think it would be called a 'public school'.

The crimes that got me sent there were many:

I was an only child.

Although good at baseball, drawing, and reading, I simply panicked when I got to my regular school and became a terrified neurotic mess. Even had some instances of "hysterical blindness", which scared the living shit out of me!

Apparently I had an absolute fear and loathing of authority, so.......

...they sent me to this school where every little uniforned snot had a thousand rules to obey, and an equal number of duties to perform. Discipline was meted out by paedophiles with cricket bats, and the British Class system seemed to be honoured and respected. T'was very tough going....I got knocked around a bit, got even lower marks, and eventually just decided (didn't know it at the time) to completely re-invent my whole world. One in which I made the rules.

Anyway......ONIONS!!

We used to eat at big long tables (not unlike the ones in Harry Potter) with a teacher...oops, MASTER, at each one. One night, along with the sort-of OK food came a big plate of CREAMED ONIONS. I didn't really want one, but I didn't have a phobia or alergy or anything....I just didn't want one.

"You there! Young Fielding, eat your onions", came the voice from the end of the table. Well....I didn't. And.....I wouldn't. Ten minutes later, the Master excused the rest of the students, looked at me and said slyly "You're not leaving until you eat your onions, Fielding, and I can wait longer than you can"!! By now, they were a congealed mess, and I was really scared........but somehow the God that protects weirdos, nerds and stand-up comics was with me.

Almost two hours later the master stood up angrily and stomped off. So did I. The plate of onions remained. To this day my stomache will instantly turn if I bight into an onion.......so I try not to!

Standing up to that teacher would be such a minor thing for a student today......but for me.....then........it was HUGE.

And then I discovered WOODY GUTHRIE.....who also made up his own rules.

Cheers

Rick