The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #57719   Message #940818
Posted By: GUEST
26-Apr-03 - 03:21 PM
Thread Name: BS: American jokes
Subject: RE: BS: American jokes
FW: Top 8 Morons


Top 8 Morons Of The Year

1.        WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received
a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not
Walter who's lacking intelligence.


2.        WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting
to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in the
police line, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up."


3.        WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a
motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank accounts.


4.        THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for
all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was
too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.


5.        DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot, the man shouted, "That's not what I
said!"


6.        ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".


7.        NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested
for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket (hellllllooooooo!)

8.        THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert,
an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22 ft going. It was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to a
nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was
wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect
working condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up
and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of
the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath, he
came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER
...THIS IS TRUE... Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer.

I am reminded that ignorance can be cured, but stupidity we have to live with.