We gets too many religers songs hear already ever since Matron became a born-again christian. Mindyer the vicar isn't too impressed with the way that Big Bertha and Loose Liz both shout out "F***ing Hallelujah" after every thing he says.

We have this nun wot keeps turning up and asking if she can help anyone. Now thats a habit I wouldn't 'alf mind gettin inter. I keep bashing the light bulbs in me room until they stops working, then I gets her to stand on the stepladder an change it. As I tell er, I as ter keep lying on the floor while she does it coz of me dizzy spells - sexy little knickers she wears.
She was telling us that she was a Bride of Christ the other day. Big Bertha said she didn't wanna get married nor anyfing, but that he was welcome to a bit on the side if he fancied it. Sister Virtue was shocked and said that Christ wouldn't do nuffin like that, and Loose Liz said that if he woz hitched to every nun in the world, then he was a mega-time bigamist.

I usta go to the communion services, but they gives yer such a tiny sip of wine that I don't bother anymore.

Genie - that geezer couldna been me - I go strait for the pussie every time. Gor though - I wish yould come and do a gig for me - I like that costume wot you wore in last year's mudcat calendar. Me and big Bertha sent an entry in for this years calendar, but they never used it. It were of a song title - "Oh wot a beauty, I've never seen one as big as that before".

Oh hell here comes Matron - I can ear ere singing Amazing Grace, bye.