Dadnabbit, Spaw...you cudda sent that chunk of thumb down here, My dawg loves chewing on Ohians! Keep us posted on how things go, Buddy! We love you and want to know!

Lin, how did I do it?..ever heard of a cattle prod (hot stick)? Works wonders.

Bee dubya, you get one point fer fingering out that the Ape is really Tweezers...but I gotz to tell ya...he ain't no Great Ape!

Spaw, your accident reminds me of a true happening from a few years back. A pal of mine, whom I will call "Tweed", invited my family and I over to a cook-out. He was to be the "burger-miester" and do the grilling.

Now, Tweed is a bit overweight and it was a hot July day. So he took his shirt off while grilling.

His wife, my family and I stayed indoors while he grilled. Shortly after the cookout began, my wife motioned me to the window and told me to watch.

There was Tweed, spatula in hand, no shirt, belly hanging over his belt, sweating profusely over the grill. Sweat falling upon the food as it cooked. Then we watched in disgust as we saw him swatting at flies with the spatula. But it did get worse. While flipping a burger, he dropped one onto the ground and actually picked it up, wipe it off, looked around to see if anyone was looking and put it back on the grill.

The final straw was when we saw him using the spatula as a back-scratcher!

Wifey immediately feigned a severe headache (maybe it was real!) and we went home.

We ever after found reasons to send our regrets at every cookout invitation he invited us to!

Ken