It's a pity I never got a chance to do this for you, Mr Happy:

(gentle reggae beat in D - on the melodeon no less!)

Start with as many of the regular verses as you need to lead the unsuspecting audience into a false sense of security)

The calypso amd and the lilt man come
They drink rum punch made from rum
Then they dance and they have such fun
To the rhythm of Bob Marley.

When Gary Linaker went to Spurs
They gave him a number 9 shirt
Expensive cars hes getting two or three
He say 'Walkers Crisps done well by me'.

Winston Charlton he had a pig
He hit it with a shovel and it danced a jig
All the way to Kingston Town
To the rhythm of Bob Marley.