Thank you all for your kindness. I really appreciate it.

Desdemona - you summed it up so well, especially the bit about "I felt my own stiff upper lip should be adequate to the purpose."
That's how I felt/feel. I feel guilty that I couldn't cope, and that I should have been a "stronger person" as I've always prided myself on being so capable. I was fairly disgusted at myself. It's hard to accept depression as an actual illness when it seems to be all in the mind, so to speak.

At least I know what I'm feeling now is not the same thing. The grief over losing someone is painful and heartwrenching, but it's not the same as sitting with a knife in your hand trying in vain to think of a reason not to hurt yourself. Hopefully both the depression and the heartbreak will fade and not return.

Thank you all again for your support. I've missed this place!