BIG NELLIE MAY
As recorded by The Corries on "The Dawning of the Day" (1982) and "The Comedy Collection" (2003)

1. Now I'll tell ye the story of Big Nellie May.
She took up the golf in a serious way.
Wi' her shiny new clubs and her big plastic bag,
She could easily have passed for Jack Nicklaus in drag.

CHORUS: Wi' yer toora lye, oora lye, oora lye ay.

2. Now Nellie was handicapped more than the rest.
Her stroke was impaired by the size of her chest.
Her over-development proved her downfall.
When she swung, they both swung and all missed the ball.

3. Well, Nellie decided they hampered her stroke,
So she tethered them up wi' a big piece o' rope,
But they didn't like being tied up in a noose,
And the very next stroke, both rascals were loose.

4. Well, in sheer desperation she turned to the pro,
Who looked at poor Nell and said, "Well, I don't know.
I've only seen two that look like yours do,
And they were on a camel in Calderbank Zoo."

5. Well, this pointed remark at the poor girl's physique
Caused Nellie to lash out in a great fit of pique.
Her blow caught the pro in his most cherished spot,
And now he's got two just as big as she's got.