Dear Mr Fat

I have to inform you that the police are now holding a murder investigation - you are the prime suspect and I am willing to represent you should you need legal advice. There will of course be a small fee for handling a case of mass murder- top of the road prices should cover it nicely - are there any other confessions you wish to make - do you wish other incidents to be taken into account?
As you will appreciate handling such a case is a delicate matter. I have no wish to 'balls it up' but I understand there is the possibilty of a co- conspiritor being cited a one Master Bates - seaman first class from Grimsby - do you have any info you wish to hand on?