Don, the voice is different for each stanza. Some of them have a serious mein and others are flippant and we don't know if they're intended to be funny.

There is sarcasm involved about "peeing in the pants" but this fights your intended lyricism. I would stick to one "voice". Make it lyrical and full of images and don't try for the sarcasm. Otherwise, the Irish song is being parodied. If that's what you intend, then make it funny and go for a parody.

I like the intial approach in the chorus. You might want to stay with that feel.

Frank Hamilton