'ere - I aint got hitched to any type of rabbit - I've 'ad the odd sheep in me time, but rabbits are likely ter kick and bite and shite over yer. They usually pong as well - not as bad as Big Bertha's draws though - the laundry in the home refuses to wash 'em now - so she don't often wear any these days.

Anyway I don't 'old wiv getting hitched even when I've got em in the family way - mind yer, if that's the problem she could come round to the home and Loose Liz'll fix er problem wiv a good old-fashioned button-ook.

Now a song and boozing competition that sounds OK - specially if someone else is paying for the booze. The only problem is getting out of the home - matron's bin keeping watch on me and they took away me zimmer frame wiv wheels on after they caught Big Bertha an me having mobile sex on it up and down the landing.

If someone were to write to Matron at The Bellvue Retirement Home (thats a laugh - ow could I retire when I never worked a day in all me life), Chingford, ESSEX, requesting my company for a special concert perhaps she might let me out - don't say nuffin about the booze though or she'll wanna come too.

I'd need a second though - Noreen, are you that bird in the red blouse in the members photos ? - if so, how do yer fancy 'olding me dentures while I sing ? If not I could always try ter get Big Bertha instead - but she'd drink all the booze.

Blow it - 'ere comes matron again must be off - I'll keep an eye out for that invite . . . .