The Ballad of Mini Cooper
Well, my name is Mini Cooper. I was once as white as snow,
Till I met a Rally Driver and a-rallying did go.
He promised me fine trophies and I've got them all, it's true,
But surely, girls, you'll pity me when you here what I've been through.
He took me down a shady lane so dark I couldn't see,
And surely, girls, there never was a man as fast as he.
He laid me on a mossy bank and gave me such a fright!
He examined my suspension with a spanner and a light.
When he found that I was stalling, he flew into such a rage!
But I knew he was trying to get me to a very special stage.
So he tickled my carburettors and gave my points a touch,
And how could I resist him, girls, when he slipped in the clutch?
But my back and sides are scratched now, and my bottom's red with rust.
My bonnet's badly dented and my Hydrolastic's bust.
I've got no brakes to speak of and I think my head is gone,
So don't go into the forest girls without your sump guard on.
Great song I haven't sung for years. Maybe I ought to revive it. Have fun.
According to notes below, it appears the songwriter was Archie Fisher.