I had a mate who was a chef at the local hospital, he had a girlfriend who lived in London and when who could get time off, which could be at short notice, he would fly down from Glasow to London. This was during the IRA bombings and security was tight. He got some time off unexpectedly and phoned his woman and asked if she would like anything she missed bringing down. She asked for some Lorne Sausage (it comes in a square block of about two pounds weight covered with wax paper get the similarity.....semtex). He used to travel light and bought the said sausage bunged it in shoulder bag went off to the airport. He just managed to catch a flight and was running down the corridor to board at the gate, before he could reah the gate a security man stepped out from behind a pillar. 'Can I look in your bag sir' at which point the security man unzipped the bag and put his hand into the bag to feel this waxy soft stuff. 'What have we got here sir ?' he said thinking promotion I've caught a bomber. 'Two pounds of sliced sausage' my mate replies.   
'Sure thing sir' security guard says smugly as he picks up the block of sausage 'Bloody hell it is sausage' he shrieks. A true story.