What's wrong with the following syllogisms?

Electrically amplified instruments can play loudly.
Therefore
Electrically amplified instruments cannot play quietly.

All the Ocarina (Keyboard, Bodhran, Spoons) players I've met cannot play well.
Therefore
No Ocarina (Keyboard, Bodhran, Spoons) players can play well.

I cannot play while consuming alcohol.
Therefore
Nobody can play while consuming alcohol.

I am a Mudcat know it all.
Therefore
I am always right.