Back off, guys! I don't want any phone numbers. There are only a few things that terrify me more than the prospect of getting "bushwhacked" again by some fair maiden... :-)

Let's see...um...nuclear war? Not too likely, so why worry about it? Being destitute? Well, I am working at avoiding that in various ways...so far so good. A painful and debilitating disease? Well, let's hope not. Getting really, really old? Nothing much I can do about that if I don't die young. Blindness? Oooo, that would be nasty. Having my hands chopped off by a milling machine? Again, not too likely. Being torn apart by wild dogs? Highly unlikely. Grizzly bear attack? Well, that's why I don't go hiking in the rockies much with a bunch of raw hamburger strapped on my back...

Y' see, the really scary thing about the danger of being "bushwhacked" by the fair ones is it can happen anywhere, anytime, in the most mundane of circumstances, when you least expect it. These fair maidens are clever and very imaginative, each one is a unique case, and you never know when the next one may catch you totally unawares!

Ha! Ha! And to think that once they were all that I could dream of...this life has got to be some kind of joke on me. I can't wait to hear the punch line when I finally check out of Earthly existence for a bit of rest and rehab in the spiritual regions.

- LH