Mr. Offer, in light of the fact that you treat your birthday as any other day, that means that you likely won't spend anytime laying about on this day. This is a cause for great concern among the organized layabouts in North America. We have not worked hard in order to establish the need for laying about on birthdays, Sundays, after work, before work, during work, Saturdays around 3 PM, and at all other times. Hence, as one of the founders of Lane, Fielding, Patterson and Swan, Layabouts At Large & For Hire, I would like to offer you our services. In todays busy world, it is sometimes hard to take time off and just layabout. For a very reasonable fee, LFPS will come to your home, lay on your couch, eat your food, drink your beer, watch TV, fall asleep and fart, and just plain take it easy IN YOUR NAME AND ON YOUR BEHALF, saving you from the disapproval of your layabout neighbors whose spouses want them to be more like you. Inquire about our special birthday pricing.

So, give us a call. And remember, when you need someone to layabout, call LANE, FIELDING, PATTERSON & SWAN, LAYABOUTS AT LARGE & FOR HIRE. Our motto says it all:

IT'S THE LEAST WE CAN DO

All the best,
Big Mick
Founding Partner