The basic facets of a dog's existence:

# 1 - If it moves, kill it or hump it.

# 2 - When's dinner?

# 3 - If it doesn't move, eat it or pee on it. Maybe hump it too...and if it REALLY STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN, roll in it good and proper.

# 4 - Don't poop on your own lawn if the neighbour's is accessible.

# 5 - When's dinner?

# 6 - Check out the scent of anything first. The scent is 98 per scent of the whole story. Then move to rule # 1, 2, etc...

# 7 - When's dinner?

# 8 - No amount of barking is ever really too much.

# 9 - When's dinner?

# 10 - No amount of sleeping is ever really too much.

# 11 - When's dinner?

# 12 - AWRIGGGHHHTTT!!! DINNER!!! (Gulp! Slorp! Glop! Bolt!) (URP!)

# 13 - Was that (*Urp*) all???

# 14 - Start over at # 1 and repeat indefinitely until death...

- LH