They say that barking dogs don't bite. My experience this afternoon sure carries that out. Fortunately Whitey growled just before impact and I was able to dodge, kinda.

I guess I should start at the beginning. Today wasn't one of those days you want to repeat. It started out bad and went downhill from there. I should have stayed in bed.

I decided that I needed to get the windshield wipers fixed. I knew the Autoport at our base was pretty much useles but everyone said the Car Care Center at Andersen AFB was pretty good. So I made the trek up to AAFB and hour away. I got there a little after they opened at 10:00 only to find out that since Supertyphoon Pongsana they had been relegated to doing oil changes and minor maintenance.

I came back to Big Navy to get some stuff together to go up to the house. I had some lunch.

I went up to the house intending to reverse the hinge on the refrigerator door. That proved to be a more stubborn job than I expected. I finally finished it up and left the house.

Now, I am generally pretty paranoid about keeping track of my keys. I rarely go through a door without checking to make sure my key is in my pocket. So I was somewhat at a loss when I realized I had just locked the keys in the house.

So there I was, in the middle of unfamiliar territory, no keys, and no way into the house. The only windows large enough to break and get through we covered by typhoon shutters and were too high to reach.

One of my co-workers, when I described the location of my house, commented that it was across the street from her cousins house. With that tenuous connection I went looking for a ladder. You see, I knew that one of the back bedroom sliders wasn't locked. The latch was broken. If I could get on to the balcony I was set.

The driveway to the neighbor's house runs almost straight uphill. There are plenty of places here that would never fly back home. Places that would be deadly if Guam ever experienced ice and snow. But that isn't a problem here.

As I approached the house a low yellow and white dog rose from its spot in the front yard and barked at me. I spoke reassuring words and explained I needed to knock on the door. As I approached he quit barking and worked around behind me. I knew what that meant and turned to face him still working my way to the front door. I was almost there when I heard a voice from one of the windows. And I turned to look.

Later, I learned the dog's name is Whitey. He charged and just before he grabbed me he growled and I jumped. He missed his hold but a paw raked my calf. I turned to face him again and the owner yelled at him. He began his circling and I returned to my maneuvering to face him. The owner came to the door, put on her flipflops and finally collared the dog. She tried to get him into the house but he wouldn't budge. Finally she went to get the ladder and left me facing down the dog. I kept up a conversation with him, explaining how important it is to get along with your neighbors and how much my daughter likes dogs. I was just getting into the deeper meaning of life for a dog (if you can't eat it or f**k it, piss on it) when the owner returned with a 5' stepladder. This was not working out at all. There was no way a stepladder was going to get me up on that balcony. I thanked her and returned the ladder.

I wandered down the street to a little fiesta. I asked for a ladder there and they showed me… another 5' stepladder. I thanked them and headed back to the house. I tried punching the front door for a while and then headed around to look at the back door. They are both wooden doors but the back door seems to be falling apart. The finish is coming off and the wood seems weaker. I studied it for a while and decided it was an interior door. It is installed with the hinges on the wrong side, the outside, and opens out. I went back to the truck for the big screwdriver and started to try to jimmy to door.

I worked and I pried and I sweated and I cursed and then I sat down to rest and then ran through all those actions again. FINALLY the door popped open. The door latch was in pretty sad shape but the door was open. I got my keys, tied the door shut, and came home.

What a crumby day.