Lyr Req: Uncle Albert's Sad Farewell to the World

Subject: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Ian Birket
Date: 18 Oct 98 - 06:22 PM

Hi!

Does anyone out there have the words for a monologue called I think 'The stain on the bar room floor'

Thanks

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Joe Offer
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 12:45 AM

Could it be the Face on the floor, Ian? If so, click here for three versions, which aren't very different from each other.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From:
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 01:49 AM

I think Stain is a parody of Face.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Louis Killen
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 03:11 AM

The monologue you are refering to, Ian, is Eddie Pickford's "Uncle Albert's Heroic Farewell To The World" about a dart's match in which Uncle Al gives his life to support not only his team but the dart board, too. The line you quaote is the first line of the chorus -

There's a stain on the floor of the bar room There's a cap in the case by the door There's a verse on a stone in the church yard In memory of one who's no more

Email me at [e-mail] and I'll send you the text when I've time to write it out. And give thanks to Ricky Rackin, of San Francisco's Castle Folk Club who read your thread and sent it to me.

Lou

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From:
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 03:16 AM

Ian, Seems the reply I gave to your thread didn't take my email address in the meassage. Hope it works in the From

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From:
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 01:51 PM

Thanks for your help 'Louis' I'd be very grateful if you could let me have a copy of Ed's monologue.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From:
Date: 19 Oct 98 - 01:56 PM

Thanks for your help 'Louis' I'd be very grateful if you could let me have a copy of Ed's monologue. I have a band called 'Panic Attack'! We play all over cumbria raising money for charity doing songs and monologues.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Panic Attack
Date: 25 Oct 98 - 04:04 PM

THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP HAVE THE WORDS NOW

REGARDS IAN

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Joe Offer
Date: 26 Oct 98 - 03:13 AM

Hey, Ian - can we have the words, too??
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Panic Attack
Date: 14 Nov 98 - 02:39 PM

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: GUEST,Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 04:47 PM

Help! I have reactivated this old thread because I'm hoping someone can supply me with the text to "Uncle Albert's Heroic Farewell To The World" as described above. Apparently it hasn't been included in the Digital Tradition, or any other source I can find. I sent an e-mail to Lou Killen on Feb. 1 but have received no reply. If you have the text, please post it to this thread, or if you don't want to do that for some reason, please e-mail it to [e-mail]. Thanks.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Joe Offer
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 07:58 PM

Hi, Jim - Back when this thread was new, I asked Lou if he would post the lyrics, but he said he preferred not to, in respect for the songwriter's copyright. Now, if we could get hold of the originator of this monologue, I'd sure like to hear of see it.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: kendall
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 08:40 PM

Is that THE Louis Killen?

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Jeri
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 09:06 PM

No, it was the other one.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Mar 00 - 02:57 PM

Ayup, Kendall, THE Louis Killen. If you click on a Mudcatter's name in the "from" box in messages s/he's posted, you can see all the messages posted by that member - or you can be lazy and click here to see the messages. He's been here, but just a few times.
Heck, we've even had THE Kendall Morse around these parts at times. <grin>
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 11:32 AM

I've learned the correct title may be "Uncle Albert's Last Heroic Farewell to the World" and that it appeared on Topic album 12TS282 "In the Middle of the Tune," Tom Gilfellon with Martin Carthy; Johnny Handle; Liz and Stefan Sobell (1976)

Alas, this album is no longer in print. However, I see that a couple of used copies are for sale on the Internet, and I may resort to that if I can't get the text any other way.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: pavane
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 04:55 PM

I have the album, and if you can't get the words, I could probably dig them out, but not immediately. How soon do you need it?

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: pavane
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 04:57 PM

And in a private message, not posted (copyright)

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: nutty
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 05:12 PM

Ed Pickford is a well known song-writer from the North of England. Lots of information on the web about his other songs but not this monologue - not yet anyway

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: nutty
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 05:20 PM

It shows that persistance pays in the end
Try HERE

UNCLE ALBERT'S SAD FAREWELL

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 05:48 PM

I heard this poem recited at the Chicago Folklife Festival in 1984. Had us all in stitches.

Alex

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 15 Jul 01 - 08:21 PM

Yahoo! It's been nearly a year and a half since I first posted a request for that poem! Thanks, Nutty! I wonder if the poem was there on the Internet all along? Nah, I'm sure I must have searched for the chorus as well as the title. Why do you suppose there are so many variations of the title?

Subject: Lyr Add: UNCLE ALBERT'S SAD FAREWELL TO THE WORLD
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:13 AM

I realize that this is a copyrighted soing, but I can't see how posting the song does any harm to the author. Here's the song.
-Joe Offer-

---

UNCLE ALBERT'S SAD FAREWELL TO THE WORLD
(Ed Pickford)


There's a stain on the floor of the bar room
There's a cap in a case by the door
There's a verse on a stone in a churchyard
In memory of one who's no more...

If you turn second left at the High Street
Past an old pub called the Swan
There's a monument to my Uncle Albert
And though of not many heroes, he was one

He wasn't a chap prone to boasting
And he stood, I bet, only five feet
But those five feet he covered in glory
As you'll hear when his old comrades meet

It was the time of the first Yankee moon men
There was racing at Catterick as well
And I backed the six-to-four favourite
And he was, that is, till he fell

That night was the championship darts match
And the bar of the club was jammed full
We were playing at home in the final
And we started - being nearest the bull

The 'oohs' and the 'aahs' broke the silence
As both teams wrestled with might
A game to remember for ever
By all - even those who were tight

Some favoured cardboard some feathers
Some favoured heavy, some light
But all were experienced past masters
Of split second reckoning and flight

Then the nail that was holding the dart board
Bent with a fearful creak
And there wasn't another to replace it
'Least not straight to hand, so to speak

At last the club's Concert Chairman
Renowned for his improvised wit
Says "Put old Albert beneath it -
With his height he'll just about fit"

The company looked around at poor Albert
Then the Secretary got right to the nub
Saying "If he doesn't, the match will be forfeit
Come on Albert, for the honour of the club

Albert had no need of thinking
His blood rose to answer the call
And he jammed his head under the dartboard
Crying "For Queen, Club, Country an'all"

Not flinching not moving he just stood there
Except once when he went out the back
Until the game flowed in our favour
The opposition was beginning to crack

All that was needed for victory
Was five and double sixteen
Now the five was obtained very easy
Then silence fell on the scene

The player squared up with his arrows
It was Sidney, Albert's own son
Who'd played very well the whole evening
Until now when something went wrong

Now it could've been all the excitement
Or some smoke that got in his eye
Or it could've been his new wellies
'Cos he slipped just before he let fly

Albert stood stricken with horror
As he watched the oncoming dart
Then his teeth gnashed with pain as it hit his gold chain
And ricochet'd up through his heart

Did he fall like a bird when it's wounded?
Did he cry out in the midst of his pain?
No, he winced and he spoke in a whisper
"Come on, son. Finish the game"

Albert's blood dripped down his waistcoat
As Sidney took aim and then threw
Hitting double sixteen neat, sweet and clean
Though how he felt nobody knew

"Someone grab Albert!" cried the Steward
"Keep him upright!" they all roared
Hold him up by his armpits
If he falls he might damage the board...

There's a stain on the floor of the bar room
There's a cap in a case by the door
There's a verse on a stone in a churchyard
In memory of one who's no more.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: pavane
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 03:05 AM

It seems to have lost the Geordie accent which I remember, but I suppose that is inevitable. There are well as a few word changes from Tom Gilfellon's version. (Ominous creak, rather than fearful). And
Hold him up, hold him up by the armpits. These changes make it scan a bit better, as does pronouncing Sidney 'Sideney'.

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 08:11 AM

I heard this once on the radio -- I don't know who performed it -- and I seem to recall that the refrain "There's a stain on the floor ..." was repeated more often than just once at the beginning and once at the end. In fact, by the end, part of the audience was repeating the words along with the performer! It just added to the humor. Any more information about this?

Subject: RE: The stain on the bar room floor
From: GUEST,Matt Love
Date: 25 Mar 05 - 02:36 PM

It is possible that you heard Louis Killen's recitation from the Northwest Folklife Festival a number of years ago. It was broadcast nationally, and he does repeat the "stain on barroom floor verse" several times in the course of the performance.