BS: New Joke

Subject: BS: New Joke
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 02:48 PM

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I was on my way home from Thanksgiving last week when this occurred to me:

Why do we eat turkey at Thanksgiving?

Because the vegetarians hated venison.

Anyone else have a new stinker to add?

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:23 PM

I'm not sure I get it, though....


A

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:36 PM

Thanks for saying that A, I guess I'm a little slow on that one too.
Ok I was just making up some Christmas cards and this came to me
I just heard the other day, someone saying Santa is a happy fairy.
Now I don't think that is the proper thing to be saying on Christmas, Do You?
I think what they meant to say is...Santa is a gay elf.
My sickness revealed. On the back I put
This card was made for the insane,by the insane.
Bah-Humbug Productions tm.
don't forget to shop walmart(those japanese little merchandise carrier son-of -a-bitches)
I am into the SPIRIT!!
Love and Peace, Rustic

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:39 PM

No RR....You're into the spirits I think.....As is EB up there with that ............uh..............well, I hesitate to call it a joke, but, uh.............Whatever it is (and it may be a lot of things), if it's funny (and it may well be), I don't get it either............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:46 PM

Where's the joke? Right up there with that great old English- Carrots in the ears, you know!

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 04:54 PM

Spaw, you always make me laugh. So the carrots in the ears?Is that the one...
A guy goes into the Dr.s and he's got carrots sticking out of his ears and radishes in his nose and he asks the Dr. what's wrong with him.
the Dr. says you haven't been eating right.
That one?
rustic on the sause

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 05:54 PM

Santa Resigns

   T'was the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
   He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
   Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
   I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
   I've busted my ass for damn near a year.
   Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
   The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
   The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

   Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
   Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
   And just when I thought that things would get better
   Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
   They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
   Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

   And the kids these days--they all are the pits
   They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
   I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
   Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
   I made a ton of yo yo's--NO request for them,
   They want computers and robots..Like I'm IBM!

   Flying through the air...dodging the trees
   Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
   I'm quitting this job..there's just no enjoyment
   I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
   There's no Christmas this year Now you know the reason,
   I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season!

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: Gareth
Date: 06 Dec 02 - 07:14 PM

And yet verily, it was the fist day back at school after the Xmas holidays and the teacher was talking to the class.

"Now Johhny (a protestent) - What did you do on Xmas Day ?"

And Johnny said "We went to Church, sag some carols and then went home to unwrap the presents."

"Now Patrick (a catholic)- what did you and your family do ?"

"Well we went to mass, sung some Carols, and went home to open the resents !"

"Now Isaaac, (a hebrew)- What did you do ?"

"Well we went to my Uncles Toy shop, saw all the empty shelf's, and sung "What a friend we have in Jesus !"

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: banjomad (inactive)
Date: 07 Dec 02 - 07:28 AM

NEWSFLASH. 'a two seater light airplane has crashed in a cemetary just outside Dublin, so far emergency services have recovered the remains of 267 bodies.'
peace and love, Dave

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 02 - 08:10 AM

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a girl a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: ballpienhammer
Date: 07 Dec 02 - 08:41 AM

why does it take loger to build a blonde snowman?
Because you have to scoop out the head.

Subject: RE: BS: New Joke
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 07 Dec 02 - 08:58 AM

The other day I was introducing one of my beginning piano students to the wonders of music theory. She's only six, so I took my time explaining the staff, the treble clef and the bass clef while she listened intently. When I finished, I pointed to the treble clef and to review, asked her "Now do you remember what this is called?"

A look of intense concentration came over her face as she tried to read the words written over the symbol. Then, beaming triumphantly, she turned to me and said "It's the TERRIBLE clef!!!"

I loved it! I've heard it called the "trouble" clef before, but never the "terrible" clef!

Maybe she'll grow up to be a folk musician ...

Yours musically - daylia