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Campsite at Drumcree III
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 07 Feb 02 - 10:05 AM It's great to be back in th'oul fray again! Now here's one for them as doesn't reckon much of this thread! There's some that use the Mudcat think we're shite And there's others use it think that we are all alright Are you gonna quit this bollicks Youse bunch of alcoholics Well we might, there, Michael so we might There's some that use the Mudcat get the joke There's other use the Mudcat, we make boke Since you offend so many's taste Are you gonny quit this place? Well we might, there, Michael so we might There's some as think we're ignorant and rude And our jokes are very dorty, cruel and crude They think we should sling our hook From this hallowed folkies' nook Well we might, there, Michael so we might But then again some others think we're class They'd be sorry if this postin' was our last Would you not fuck the begrudgers? The grumpy oul' curmudgers? Well we might, there, Den, so we might |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!! Date: 07 Feb 02 - 10:01 AM We interrupt this broadcast with news that after last-minute negotiations with a number of private interests, funding has been secured to allow the Drumcree session to continue. A spokesman for the Drumcree session emerged ashen-faced from the all-night talks to confirm that the session would go ahead. "However" he continued "the backers have asked that we make available a choice of tonic wines to performers and punters alike." This disclosure has already led to scenes of uproar. A spokesman for Sanatogen was unavailable for comment. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,News at 10 Date: 07 Feb 02 - 09:53 AM BONG! (x 10) "From ITN tonight...we investigate claims of irregularities in the administration of The Drumcree MegaSession (c) For World Peace and Mutual Understanding. Good evening. Northern Ireland was reeling today from accustaions of irregularities in the administration of The Drumcree MegaSession (c) For World Peace and Mutual Understanding. It appears claims have been made that the session, a cross-community endeavour to bring peace to the divided Province, is biased in its political representation and is therefore not actually elegible for the large amounts of EU funding it has already recieved. Over to our Portadown correspondant, Aine NiCrotch." Aine NiCrotch: "I'm standing in the campsite at Drumcree, and you can see the stage behind me. The music is silent at the moment as the participants reel in horror at accusations that the session is not fully representative of all the main political parties. The International Fund for Ireland and the Lottery Commission have both requested a full investigation into this. Their funding was given on the basis of an equal-opportunity event, a criteron now called into question. The use of the EU Buckfast Lake is now likely to be suspended. A spokesman for the event told us this evening 'We did our best. We even bought them rainbow-coloured guitar straps, and lots of people had them there paper doves. It's nat our fault. We asked the Alliance Party to come along, but they said we hadn't made any provision for fences they could sit on.' Orgainisers are now in disussions as to how they can rectify this anomaly. It is thought that if members of the Alliance party change their political status for a short while then the funding could be reapproved, but this is a rather far-fetched idea. Also, the Women's Coalition have threatened to walk out if they get asked to make the tea again. With these latest developments, it is not known if the proposed bodhran decommissioning will go ahead next week. This is Aine NiCrotch, Drumcree, Portydown."
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Donal Lunny Date: 07 Feb 02 - 09:24 AM Hi Liam ... If you swapped the Plains of Boyle around would it become the Boils of Pain? What about The Tailor's Twist? Would it become the Twister's Tale? The Pleasures of Hope ... would it become Hoping For Pleasure? The Fair Maidens? Would that become The Fading Mare? Ah, Liam ... 'mon ... I'm only messin'! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,The Dubliners Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:51 AM Why should Enniskillen have all the good songs? (BOOOOOO!) This one's for Portydown! (CHEEEEEEER!) Fare thee well Edenderry and to Denny's as well And goodbye to The Tunnel – my grief is hard to tell As I bid goodbye and heave a sigh, the hour is coming soon When you'll all the see the back of your Potydown Dragoon My ship she is waitin' down by Shillington Quay There's twenty thousand bandsmen, my comrades and me We're salin' down the Bann me boys, to cross boul' Lough Neagh Cos there's loyal boys in Antrim who are dyin' to hear us play Our ship hit rough water as we rounded Croghan's isle And we struggled bloody gamely for a quarter of a mile Some wee Scottish boy on board wi' us said "Shite! We're gonny droon!" And that would be the end of the Portydown dragoons But soon the weather brightened and we motored cross the Lough We were neckin' back the Buckfast, the half of us were blocked We stopped for a picnic on the Island they call Ram's And that was where the most of our bother began Well we all disembarked and we hunkered on the ground As the weemin passed the sodie farls and buckfast all around Till someone shouted, "Jaysus, lads! Quick Swim out if yous can!" Our ship was half a mile away … and we were bloody stranded But pretty soon we got the hang of living far from land There's no one here tell us you can't march or, yes, you can Our wee Scottish comrade, he marches roon and roon And he says "Thank the Lord that I'm a Portydown Dragoon"
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: alison Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:42 AM gawd give me strength...... if I haf to come down there and sort yis out......... yill git yer heads in yer hons so ye will... and then where'll ye be? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Donal Lunny's Da Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:30 AM Clamp yer bake, Lunny. Otherwise I'll go over there and pull the big flappy ears aff ye! No wonder your Liam's the humourless poghal that he is! He should take a leaf out of Derek Bell's book and go and get hisself some personality! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Liam Óg O'Flynn's Da Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:28 AM Oi ... Mr Lunny ... yer Donal's only after makin' our Liam cry his eyes out! He's callin' him names, so he is. Tell him to away and stop otherwise Liam won't be playin' in any more o' your Donal's bands ever again! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Donal Lunny Date: 07 Feb 02 - 06:25 AM Hi Liam, Before you go, tell us this! If you play the B part of "The Mason's Apron" before the A part, does it become "The Apron's Mason". And if you mix up the parts of "Merrily Kiss The Quaker" does it become "Merrily Quake The Kisser"? Liam ... 'mon, mate! I was only jokin! No, seriously ... if you mix up the parts of "The Moving Bog" does it become "The Boggin' Move"? Fockin humourless get! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Liam Óg O'Flynn Date: 07 Feb 02 - 05:02 AM I have indeed Arty. I made a wee note as they went along. Reels – The Preacher's Spittle/The Confrontation/The Loyal Order Jigs – The Stand-Off/The Molotov/The Fenian Neighbours Reels – The Crew-Cut/The Beer-Gut/The Bristlin' Moustache/Shillington Bridge/The Pride Of The Birches Reels – The Bitter Flute/The Triumphalist Reel/The Boys of Gilpinstown I'm away home now to learn them!
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Arty McGlynn Date: 07 Feb 02 - 05:00 AM Liam ... I don't suppose you kep' a note of the tunes thon Potydown boys was playin' at thon oul' session las' night?
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Sinéad O'Connor Date: 07 Feb 02 - 04:22 AM Is thon the Pope's Ma down there? Jaysus … I'm sorry I tore your fella's pixture up on stage thon time in Americkey. I was off my head on Night Nurse and Mundies. (Thon Enya one gave it to me in a big pint glass … sez she has a sloat o' it every night before she goes on stage!) Anyway … you mind thon song I did with the Chieftains? "The Foggy Dew". Here's the update … "The Swaggerin' Billy Crew". As I came down to Portydown one 12th day of July Red, white and blue were the kerbs to view and proudly the flags did fly And from the village of Magheralin, orangemen came hurryin' through To take a stroll up Garvaghy Road with the swaggerin' Billy crew From boul' Richill, those men of Bill, all decked out in gloves, snow-white Came milling along for to join the throng to pay homage to thon big oul' fight That was fought of late in the Free State between two foreign kings of old Whoever'd have won, sure we'd all have been done and down the River Boyne been sold As home we crawled, we wept and bawled cos they said that we couldn't march And we gathered there in Waringstown square underneath our Orange arch And we played our flutes in our Billy suits but the tunes has a deathly hue And they cast a pall over one and all of the swaggerin' Billy crew |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,The Pope's Ma Date: 06 Feb 02 - 05:01 PM Here that was quare singin' from that wee skinny fella way the baldie head. I'm tellin' ye I have a drooth on me. I could quare go a wee drap in me hand if you have the kettle on missus. Here now A've been on the road since the screagh lookin' for our JP. Honest to Jaysus that lad'll be the death o' me. If he's not here he's there, jumpin' aff planes and kissin' the carpark. Christ knows where he gets his ideas from.
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Brendan Bowyer's Ma Date: 06 Feb 02 - 11:43 AM I will not, thank you very much, Mrs Clannad. But I've got an ingrowing hair at the minute and it's murder for me, so it is! And if I take a cup of tea, or a line of whizz or a cappucino or any oul' stimulant, it's like twistin' a knife so it is! And as for sittin' down! I've to sleep on my stummick, Mrs Clannad! What do you think o' that?! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Mrs Clannad Date: 06 Feb 02 - 11:40 AM Mrs Bowyer! Wasn't that just lovely! I'll bet Mrs O'Connor's very proud of Sinéad! I think she's lovely looking as well. And she knows a good song when she hears one. Diz the jab properly. Know what I mane? Wish our Enya had the same ear for music ... instead of all that glipin' about wi' waterfalls and dolhins and whales! Anyways ... are you up for a cup of tea? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Sinéad O'Connor Date: 06 Feb 02 - 11:36 AM Hello Portydown … I thought Shane was never gonny get off the fuckin stage. But he was grand, there, altogether wasn't he? Give him a big round of applause … (CHEERS. WOLF-WHISTLES. Etc.) I'd like to do a wee gentle number to start aff wi'. It's called "Fare Thee Well, Sweet Portydown" Oh then, fare thee well Sweet Portydown To Denny's and the Bann On the banks of whose oul' muddy stream Lives many's the one called McCann And one such man, by the name of Dan Cleans his face in an oul' frying pan Ah, sure only a glipe, would give his face a wipe With a thing the like of thon! Oh it's fare well Craigavon's twin lakes The fairest yet built by man If you call them a dub, then I'll treat your oul' gub To a taste of the back of my han' And the Garvaghy Road, where up I once strode With my sash and my snowy-white gloves I bid you adieu, you home of the few The town that so well I have loved Oh it's fare thee well to the Seagoe Hotel Likewise to the oul' Carngrove Where I first got a ride, in the car park outside The pair of us damn well near froze I don't mind her name, an' I think that's a shame But the buckie destroys your oul' cells I'm sure she's alright, it's me – the oul shite Who is startin' his journey to Hell And when I descend, will I meet my oul' friends In the sulphurous pits below Drinking bad wine and spending their time Smokin' big joints full of blow For Hell can't be far from this town in Armagh For here, if you just look around No more hellish scene can there ever have been Than the spot that they call Portydown |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Local Lad 3 Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:07 AM Here if youse lads are headin' aff, kin I come with youse? I was down in Newry las' night and the talk o' the town was that Crubeen are goin' to get back together again! 'Mon! Fire up that Massey Ferguson and away to hell outta here! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Local Lad 2 Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:05 AM I hope it doesn't coax Hyland Paddy out of retirement! I'll definitely go with you if thon happens! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Local Lad 1 Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:03 AM Oh Jaysus ... I've just heard that this revival of interest in folk music is making Shebeen think about re-forming! And there's news that Bonaparte might be considering getting back together! I'm ready for l'avin' home! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,The Pogues Date: 06 Feb 02 - 09:01 AM (SHANE Gives Sharon an affectionate squeeze of her ass as she makes her way off stage.) Sharon Corr, folks! Great girl, altogether! Anyway … you'll know the tune of this next one. It's been used for "The Black Velvet Band". This is "The Drumcree Marching Band". Near a neat little town they call Lurgan There's a hell-hole they call Portydown And many's an hour of dire misery I spent in that miserable town Till a streak of good fortune came over me From then on me life it was grand For they gave me a flute and a new shiny suit And I joined the Drumcree Marching Band CHORUS Our flutes they shone like diamonds Our drums could be heard 'cross the Bann With our epaulettes perched on our shoulders Here comes the Drumcree Marching Band We attempted to walk up Garvaghy The Commission said "Sorry that's banned" And we said "You oul' shite. Sure we have the right To walk any road in this land!" But not one foot in front of another On this road has the Orange since placed And all of our shoutin' and bluster, boys To me it appears just a waste! CHORUS |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Amanda Burton's Mawr Date: 06 Feb 02 - 08:08 AM It sounded OK. But I wasn't really listening. I'm tortured with the hoorin' Farmer Giles and it's like having a live electric wire up your rear end, so it is! I've no life any more, so I haven't. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Mrs Clannad Date: 06 Feb 02 - 08:05 AM Heavens above ... but thon wuz jus' pure heavenly! What did you think Mrs Burton? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,The Pogues Date: 06 Feb 02 - 08:02 AM (SHANE) Roigh'! G'luck t'ye! I've been ast to sing one of me best-known songs for yez all. I've changed the words around a wee bit for the occasion. This one's called Fairytale of Drumcree. (APPLAUSE!!!) It was on the Twelfth, yeah Out by Scarva An oul' man said to me "Won't see anawer one" And then he sang a song The Green And Grassy Slopes I smoked a bit of dope I bought in Gilford I bought a Lambeg drum It weighed a half-a-ton I soul' it to some bum When I was on a bender And when I give a toot On my Oul' Orange Flute And wear my new band-suit The girls surrender And the boys on the Garvaghy Road Sing "Go the fuck away" But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day (The band takes it away for a quare long break, while Shane saunters casually to the drum riser, takes a swig from a bottle of Bucky and lights a feg. As we reach the point where, on the original, Kirsty MacColl came in, Sharon Corr wanders onstage to TUMULTUOUS APPLAUSE!!!) (SHARON) He's got fringed epaulettes He's got strides edged with gold He doesn't smoke snout, he smokes ready-rolled When he first dropped the han' on the 12th of July I hardly need tell yez, I bloody near died (SHANE) Jaysus, you're cat! You're a dorty hoor's get I'll redden your chicks With the back of my han' (SHARON) You bollix, you poghal Away home to Ahoghill I'm away now to fin' me A far better man And the boys on the Garvaghy Road Sing "Go the fuck away" But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day (SHANE) I could have been someone (SHARON) You're just a hape o' dung! You've got a dorty tongue And you're a bigot (SHANE) Ah, shut yer yappy bake I mean, fer Jaysus' sake A man can hardly spake! Ah, Christ, then! Frig it! And the boys on the Garvaghy Road Sing "Go the fuck away" But we'll camp on Drumcree Hill till Judgement Day |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Liam Neeson's Ma Date: 06 Feb 02 - 06:35 AM I could barely concentrate on it Mrs Clannad! I've a dorty great Plains of B'yle in my sheugh and it's givin' me right gip, so it is! It has me breathin' through my mouth, so it has! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Mrs Clannad Date: 06 Feb 02 - 06:33 AM God, but that was lovely. I love the oul' songs. What about you Mrs Neeson? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,The Dubliners feat. Shane MacGowan Date: 06 Feb 02 - 06:31 AM (RONNIE) Are yez alright out there? (MASSIVE cheer!) (RONNIE) I thought we were never goin' to get thon bollox Christy Moore off the stage. Shane, would you get over to the mike, here and never mind snoggin' the face aff Brenda Fricker. Put her down, boy! You can always give her a bit of an oul' coort after we've sung this wee song. (Shane grabs the mike to wild applause! He gives a quick thumbs up and has a swig of Bucky.) (RONNIE) Now, we've been asked to revive this oul' come-all-ye. It's a reworking of The Irish Rover. We call it "The Irish Army Land Rover". Take us away, there Barney! (RONNIE) At the turn of the year two thousand and two, we were stunned when the news it came roun' There was some sort of fleadh, and a big oul' ree-raa goin' on near to black Portydown Well Barney, sez me, this is something we must see, the border we're bound to cross o-o-ver But we hadn't any wheels, so John Sheahan had to steal, an oul' Irish Army Land Rover (SHANE) As they passed Nenagh town, I could hear the oul' soun' of Barney pickin' a reel And they stopped on the street and I lep' in the jeep and away the oul' tyres they did squeal We sang Boolavogue, and oul' Eileen Óg and Barn played the oul' Stack of Ba-arley There was no time to waste, we must get off our face, so we all did a big line of charlie (RONNIE) By an oul' roadside ditch, determined to hitch, the boul' Eamonn Holmes gamely stood We screeched to a stop and said "In you hop" you dorty big Christ-a-mas pud He fair slowed us down, that man big and roun', and times he near tipped us o-over But it's a sturdy oul' yoke, runs on petrol and coke, the oul' Irish army Land Rover (SHANE) We stopped in Dundalk and I had an oul' gawk roun' the pubs to see what's the crack And Ronnie said "Shane, we'll not be detained. We'll l'ave you if you are not back" But I met Gino L in the Fairways Hotel, sez he "Are you crossing the Bo-order" Sez I "That we are, why not hop in our car?" But by Jaysus the squeeze it was morder (RONNIE) We limped through Poyntzpass and near pulled the ass off our jeep as we hit an oul' ramp Through Scarva we limped like a carload of simps as we made for the Portydown camp In Gilford, a shock, the oul' jeep it stopped and none of our efforts would sta-art it So we marched in on foot the last bit of our route, devil the bit of us down-hearted (SHANE) It was a sight to behold, there was joints ready-rolled being offered by ladies half-dressed I heard oul' Brush Shiels, his oul' guitar squealed, and by Jaysus, I was quarely impressed There was Butler and Flat, the latter a prat, the former a right wee te-ee-ease (RONNIE) And Shane says, "Now Ron, before the night's gone, I'll have her between my knees!" (MASSIVE CHEER from audience. Jean Butler smiles demurely and shuffles!) (RONNIE AND SHANE) So come musos all and answer the call and join us in oul' Portydown Fiddlers of jigs come join in this gig it's a session of major renown If you know "Kinnegad", then give it a wad, the girls they will roll you in clo-over And then when they are done, they will pack you off home, in the oul' Irish Army Land Rover! (DEAFENING applause.) (SHANE) Thanks! Up the republic! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Brid Brennan Date: 06 Feb 02 - 05:32 AM Has anybody seen Liam Neeson! I've just been up The Mater and it torns out I'm carrying his love-chile. Jaysus ... we only did it the wanst up against the side wall of the Eglantine and the pair of us plastered! If I hear he's been sniffin' roun' thon Amanda Burton, I'll swing for the pair o' them! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Mrs Doyle Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:34 AM Ah go then. Would you like a piece of cake it's got cocaine in it... nor sorry crack cocaine !! Some Dundee cake made with Buckie there an all and lots of tea |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Old Mother Morrison Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:24 AM Has any of youse uns seen ar Van? The wee shite's away aff on the tear with that Shane MacGowan character. A right gather-up if ever I seen one! I sez to him, Van, I sez, why don't you get yourself a nice sensible playmate like Daniel O'Donnell? What's that Mrs Clannad? A cup of tay? I'd love one! Me oul' bake's like an Arab's sandal! I'll not sit down. No, love. My oul River Niles are givin' me grief! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Brush Shiels' Ma Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:20 AM Oh great! Jus' what I needed! A nice cup of tay! No sugar please Mrs Clannad. I'm dieting! Ach, I will too have a wee taste of your Moville Mountain Madness in it. D'you mind if I stand, though. I've just applied a wee splash of ointment to my Lough F'yles and they're nippin' a wee bit! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Johnny Logan's Mother Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:16 AM Did I hear tay on the go? No sugar, please Mrs Clannad. It just irritates my Mrs D'yles! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Mammy Clannad Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:14 AM I know what you mean, there, Mrs O'Donnell. Isn't it shockin' the way our wans have torned out and such good rearin' as they got, the rake o' them! Sure there's damn all for it but a cup of tay and a wee buttered scone? Two sugars, as usual? And a wee nip of Inishowen Rocket Fuel to keep yer Johnny Giles from jinglin'? |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Daniel O'Donnell's Ma Date: 06 Feb 02 - 04:11 AM I'm far from happy, the same blade! If I had thon wee article by the back o' the neck I'd l'ave the mark of my han' on the wee chubby ass of him.
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: alison Date: 06 Feb 02 - 12:23 AM what the f............ I don't know... I had to head back to Sydney to do a wee bit of entertaining... and when I come back............ wud yis jist luk at the shape of this place!! I'm finding it hard to keep up here...... so let me see... Derek Bell is being interogated, enya is off her face... and my wee Daniel has got his leg over with a heap of dorty wee trollops??? bet his mammy isn't too happy about thon....... |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,John Paul II Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:52 PM Where are we now son? Guido: I don't know Holiness..wait...large mountain...snow covered,...cold as hell, foriegn language. JP: Austria??? Guido: I'm not sure Holiness... JP: Ho'd on Son...what's that say...Moon, naw...More,...Mourne Observer???? Ahh Fuck ye ran the wrong way, we're in fuckin' Newcastle. Sure they're only a bunch of fuckin' heathens here. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:10 PM Sixth tele...telio....sixth teliooooo....sex telly....sixth telling of....sucks tilly....here do yiz want a paper Mister, aye take a look now... see you...see what's goin' on... beyond in Dumcree, aye here before the light changes, while we're both still young here pal ...naw ye can't have the paper 'till ye get your change sorted...yer from where...wha! Fermanagh!!! Forget it mate...you'll be waitin' for the foriegn language edition. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 05 Feb 02 - 03:36 PM Thanks very much there, boys and girls. Jaysus ... I'm surprised I'm still goin' at it this long! Anyways ... I'll do you a wee one now that I used to sing in the bath to the tune of "Long Way From Here To Clare".
There was 3 that shared a bed, me and Holmes and Gino
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,ta2 Date: 05 Feb 02 - 01:35 PM innocent that i am.....thinking buckie was the national drink of coatbridge in lanarkshire..........might have known that garvachy road tims were responsible............come to think of it most drumcee tims probably live in coatbridge |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Belfast Tele: Corrections and Clarifications Date: 05 Feb 02 - 01:00 PM Yesterday's issue of the Belfast Telegraph quoted members of the DUP as saying the new national anthem was "far too happy to be pleasing in the eye's of the Lord". In fact, there should be no apostrophe in "eyes" and we would like to apologise for suggesting that members of the DUP are in anyway illiterate or unscholarly. (see what happens when Martin McGuinness gets to be Minister for Education? Standards start slipping!) |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Belfast Tele Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:34 PM Headline: DRUMCREE SESSION LEADS TO NEW ANTHEM Following the success of the The Drumcree MegaSession (c) For World Peace and Mutual Understanding, politicians are building on the fact that music brings harmony to the people of Northern Ireland. The problem of establishing a national anthem that can be sung cheerfully by all has at last been solved, with news that the celebrated Muppet's song "Mahna Mahna" has been chosen. Despite futile attempts to sing the lyrics of "God Save the Queen" to the tune of "The Soldier Song" (and not vice versa, as everyone makes up the words to the latter to avoid a kicking anyway), the members of the Northern Ireland assembly have decided that this upbeat and cheery song signifies a postive step forward. A promotional video, "Mahnah Mahna by the MLAs", is to be issued next month, and will feature musicians from the Drumcree Mega-Session(TM). Leading figures in Northern Ireland politics will rise to their feet for the "mahna mahnas" with their party supplying the refrain "do doo be-do-do". A unified chorus of all assembly members will sing the last line "Do doo be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do be-do-do-doodle do do do-doo do!". The plans have already courted controversy. Radio 1 has threatened to ban the song, and certain DUP members have been heard to proclaim that "it's far too happy to be pleasing in the eye's of the Lord". |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 05 Feb 02 - 12:02 PM The 70s? Nah, I don't remember them... Wait a minute! Sideburns and woolly jumpers!! It's all floodin' back. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Andy Irvine Date: 05 Feb 02 - 11:49 AM Jaysus, Christy ... if you'd written belters like thon back in the 70s I'd never have kicked you out of Planxty! Poor oul' Eamonn Holmes, though! He's gettin quare stick, right enough! |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 05 Feb 02 - 11:44 AM I'd just like to sing one more, a reminiscence of a great ould time in a field near Portadown... Drumcree Hill
Last night as I lay dreaming of pleasant days gone by |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 05 Feb 02 - 11:20 AM Aaahh, those were the days... The Crack was Ninety in the Caravan Well weren't we the shower of bastards Spent the evenin' gettin' plastered With a carry-out of Bucky We were feeling mighty lucky Over the hedge and down by the tent Our drink all gone and the money spent ' Hurry boys, don't miss the crack Or before we're there we're all be back.' Drinkin' from a can, The crack was ninety in the caravan. Before we reached Garvaghy Road Eamonn was ready to explode In the bar on the train he'd had great sport Eatin' pies and drinking port Landed up in the Drumcree site Enquiring for a pitch for the night Our tent was up but soon got stoned By a pack of spides from up the road 'Lads, fuck aff if yous can.' The crack was ninety in the caravan. Next morning we went for a ramble round Viewed the sights of Portydown Then we went for a mighty session In a tent wi' a pile of beardies. We must have been drunk by half past nine So we opened some more Buckfast Wine Back to the tent for the spruce up And while waitin' for the fry We all drew up our plan. The crack was ninety in the caravan. That night we went to the Session tent, Came back down in discontent Met the Chieftains and all went in To drink some wine in with Paisley Then Derek Bell it was said Was to be found there, aff his head. Shane was there in his suit and shirt. Them Corrs girls he was tryin' to flirt. Sayin', 'Here, girls, I'm your man.' The crack was ninety in the caravan. Daniel fancied his good looks On a Portydown woman he was struck, But Eamonn Holmes was by her side And he throwin' the jar into her. Daniel thought he'd take a chance He asked the quare one out to dance Around the floor they stepped it out And to Dan it was no bother Everythin' was goin' to plan. The crack was ninety in the caravan. The Portydown woman fancied Dan But he hadn't counted on alison Her and Dana fought for Daniel He was having so much fun. His mammy then arrived as well, Told them all to go to hell Took Daniel back to Donegal Before he'd had a go at all Grounded poor auld Dan. The crack was ninety in the caravan. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Drumcree MegaSession Enterprises Limited Date: 05 Feb 02 - 10:55 AM STATEMENT ON BEHALF OF DRUMCREE MEGASESSION © ENTERPRISES LIMITED Dear friends … It is with heavy hearts that we have decided to sever all ties with the Buckfast Session … formerly known as the Drumcree MegaSession ©. We have come a long way together from those early days in the pishin' rain, as we strode expectantly, but apprehensively into the field at Drumcree. Who would have thunk from such humble beginnings would have grown the event that Time magazine described as "The Twenty First Century Woodstock" or that Newsweek called "The Miracle of Portydown"? But time passes … things change … We are happy that our baby has grown up and is ready to leave our care. We wish it every success in the future. To all the fine people who have supported us … Gino, Eamonn, Derek, Shane, Sinead, Van, Brush, Snowy, Jake and many, many others … too many to mention. Thank you all. We love you. (Sound of plane engine purring in background …) Goodbye, beautiful friends. (Stage-whispered aside … Have you got the money? Good! 'Mon Let's get outta here …) Goodbyeeeeeeeee. (A plane soars overhead.)
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Christy Moore Date: 05 Feb 02 - 10:32 AM Ladies and gentlemen. The organisers have asked me to point out that they've secured sponsorship for the Drumcree MegaSession ©, which means that its future is secure for the next five years! (Huge cheer from the assembled crowds.) The event is due to be called The Buckfast Session from this point onwards. (Huge cheer.) I've written this wee number in their honour. You might recognise the "tune" such as it is! How's it goin' there everybody From Lurgan, Kilvergan, Maghery, Muckery and Magheralin Here we are in North Armagh Havin' ourselves a helluva fleadh There's the twin cathedrals and Oxford Island Or jump in the car for a race to Rathfriland AE Russell and Eamonn Holmes Gloria Hunniford and the boul' Wolfe Tones (The football team, not the band Whose stuff I find a little bland) Oh Buckfast Session Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Session Everybody needs a break It's better than a bat up the bake Some head off to exotic places Others go to the Galway Races Eamonn goes to the nearest chippy He likes his fish all greasy-drippy A cousin of mine goes on safari But he says he's seen nothin' as big as Lupari Summer comes around each year We go there … they come here Some like to March in the July procession But I always go to the Buckfast Session Oh Buckfast Session Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Session I always leave on a Thursday night With me tent and me groundsheet rolled up tight I like to hit the Buckfast sesh With a bloody big lump of home-grown hesh Last year I went through all kinds of hell After I bought a deal from Derek Bell I don't know what he cut it with But it really rolled a lethal spliff I spent ages chattin' up one of the Corrs Before I realised it was the ugly brawr And I ended up singing with Enya Clannad Who comes from a spot not far from Fanad In the background there was synthesisers, atomisers, pints of cider Oh Buckfast Session Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Session The multitudes they flock and throng To hear the music and the songs Brian Downey, Dan O'Donnell Snowy White and Maur' O'Connell Spider blowing, Ringo drumming Sinead's singing, Brush Shiels strumming Luv Bug, Clancies, Lizzy, Ash Oul Rock Stewart singin' The Sash And me, of course, I never learn Always get up and do a turn Keeps me mind active, I s'pose! Oh Buckfast Session Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Buckfast Session
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Liam Clancy Date: 05 Feb 02 - 09:49 AM I'd like to sing you a wee song I collected on my travels. It's called The Ballad Of Eamonn Holmes. In my memory I will always see The grub that I have loved so well Cafolla's fish is a tasty dish I was lured inside by the smell At the oul Burger Stap I'd a burger in a bap Aye, and chips, I could have ate a mountain And I muttered "Please Could I have a few more peas?" In the town I have loved so well All the odours rare in the mid-Ulster air Like a language that we could all understand I remember the day when I got my first pay And I bought out a whole Irwin's van My face I stuffed I could never get enough My da used to say "Now listen, Eamonn! If you lick thon butter-knife I will have your bloody life!" Ah … the grub I have loved so well I soon returned, the instant that I learned That oul' Lurgan Town had got up off its knees There's no Milan, the Rendezvous is the White Wran But there's a faint smell of pizza on the breeze And there's Chinese boys installed And the very best of all There's a new McDonald's – it's a drive-in With their burgers and their buns I thank God for what they've done To the town I loved so well
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!! Date: 05 Feb 02 - 09:14 AM We interrupt Neighbours to bring you breaking news. Potydown police have confirmed that in the early hours of this morning they launched a raid on the home of Television Presenter Eamonn Holmes. They confirmed that Mrt Holmes has been arrested on suspicion of stealing and eating a number of animals and birds which are revered by followers of Irish traditional music. Among the beasts and fowl which Mr Holmes is alleged to have made away with and consumed are: The Kid On The Mountain Nell Flaherty's Drake The Ducks Of Magheralin Paddy McGinty's Goat An Puc Ar Buile The Lark On The Strand The Lark In The Morning The Geese In The Bogs The Woodcock The Hare In The Corn The Creggan White Hare It is further alleged that Holmes has been responsible for eating a number of beasts and birds after whom songs and tunes were to have been named. The subsequent non-availability of these is said to have been a great blow to the continuation of the Irish Music Tradition. Among the menagerie of such members of the animal kingdom are : The Mallard of Mullaghbawn The Derryadd Bay Salmon-Trout The Corcraine Curlew Teddy Smith's Big Buck Goat Alex McVeigh's Laying Hen The Snipe The Eel In The Downpipe The Quail In The Nettles Nicholas Carolan of the Irish Traditional Music Archive said "It's a great shame that Mr Holmes was allowed to decimate the large number of members of the animal kingdom who have been honoured in song and tune. We are thankful at least that he never managed to track down "The Bucks Of Oranmore" , "The Crib Of Perches" and "The Crabs In The Skillet" so at least the traditional music makers of Ireland have something to hunt and fish for." We'll bring you the latest news as it comes through. In the meantime, back to Neighbours. |
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,Portydown Barracks Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:54 AM Scene … an interrogation room in Portydown police station. A chubby, moustachioed guardian of law and order sits in a chair opposite Derek Bell – harpist with the Chieftains. Bell – What's goin' on? Why huv youse got me here? I'm due to be down in Win'mill Studios in a day or two makin' a new album. Peeler – You'll be makin' no album, you wee gulpin! I'm gonny make damn sure that you spend the rest of your days where you'll not be able to get your paws on any more drugs! Bell – I'm buggered, aren't I? Peeler – You're well goosed, now Bell, that's for sure. Bell (anxiously) – What if I gave you some information? Peeler – Such as? Bell – The person who murdered Nell Flaherty's drake? Peeler – (can't contain his excitement) You know about thon one? Bell - (cautiously) Aye. And more besides. Peeler – I think we might be able to do business! Talk on, boy! Here, d'ye wanny wee child's leg? (He offers a Regal.) Bell – Thanks. (Lights up. Blows smoke in a thin thread towards the ceiling.) The Ducks Of Magheralin! Peeler – No! Bell – Same boyo! McBreen's Heifer. Peeler – Holly Jaysus! I may sit down! Bell – You may. For the same fella made off with Paddy McGinty's Goat and An Puc Ar Buile. Peeler – Holy God! Bell – Not to be outdone, he made away with The Lark In The Morning, The Lark On The Strand and The Kid On The Mountain! Peeler – Why? Why? Bell – To feed his big oul' gut, that's why! Peeler – Mr Bell. If you could help us track down this hallion, then I promise, we'll drop all charges. Who is it? Bell – (Smugly) Officer, remove the cuffs! The man you're after is no other than Eamonn Holmes!
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Subject: RE: Campsite at Drumcree III From: GUEST,NEWSFLASH!!!! Date: 05 Feb 02 - 08:10 AM Reports are coming in that police in the Craigavon area have arrested wee chubby harpist, Derek Bell. Bell is reported to have entered the Chemist in Craigavon Shopping Centre and roared "Give me all your drugs, you big pack o' hoors! I'm off my head and I need more drugs!" He was overpowered by two oul' dolls who threw him to the groun' and gave him a few sharp digs in the kidneys to pacify him till the cops came. Chief Inspector McGonagle praised the courage of the have-a-go heroes but warned the general public not to have a go themselves in similar situations. "Boys like Bell are a menace" he said. "Nice as ninepence one minute and mad as blazes the next! Give them a wide berth. Hell hath no fury like a wee plump harpist on the rampage." |
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