Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Peter T.
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:11 AM

They, like all this, have migrated to here!........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:40 AM

Micca? Are you wearing more than a book? I am easily distracted and get bitchy when I lose. About that Welsh/sheep thing...I dated an Aussie guy once who talked an awful lot about sheep. Led me to believe he knew them intimately. Of course, he may have been a transported Welshman. I don't know.

Kendall, I WANT the pink pieces. You can have yellow or brown. Is Matt still playing? I think we have one too many now. Maybe I will sit and watch and sip my bourbon. That way I can keep an eye on the gnu/Spaw bout as well as the Big Mick/Amergin disaster.

Anybody know what happened to JenEllen and her swain? Awfully quiet under that tablecloth...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:05 AM

Heerrre kitty kitty kitty kitty.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: gnu
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:01 AM

Spaw... I hope you meant feet first.

BTW, I'm 250 lbs o' fightin' Irish, so you're comin' with me... better put yer oilskins on cause there could be stormy seas when you try to wrassle me into that tank of Turkey Turd Beer. Minds me of another saying my father had - I can lick my weight in wildcats.

Now, before we gits to wrasslin', what are the rules ? You set 'em and I'll break 'em. Are we settin' a cover charge for the match ? Proceeds to the Mudcat. How many falls ? dunks ? I say the winner should get to watch the loser chug a yard of Turkey Turd. If so, everyone better wear a slicker !

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: GUEST,micca at work
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 05:11 AM

Amergin, slight prob. son...Mick is of IRISH extraction, it is traditionally a WELSH pastime..sheep, or a certain well known(UK) catter who is a Viking...but dont go down that path...
a Pint of Perry and a slivovitz for my mate here... and if that doesnt put him into orbit, I have a more potent brew...
and Sins if you need a player for Trivial Pursuit , I am your man, I have been known to play both kinds (the board game,and the not so bored game)and am constantly in pursuit, as it says in the US constitution.."... life ,liberty..and the happiness of pursuit"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: alison
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:12 AM

uh-oh........

now you've done it youngster....... got some sort of death wish????

I don't think I can save your ass this time.........

lol

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:52 AM

Well, I think I just found a way to get my arse out of trouble....Mick me lad, I believe I found a replacement for you....I am rather sure that you will find this beauty more than adequate....Click here for a lovely picture of your new love interest.....

Now let me see if there is a back alley I might run into....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:46 PM

Must have. His thunderbolt is frizzled. But we have a fourth for Trivial Pursuit - the board game.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: alison
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:34 PM

er Kendall.. we did just play trivial pursuit didn't we?????????

lol

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:23 PM

Let me at the trivial pursuit...I'm gonna open a 6-pack of whup-ass on Kendall.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:19 PM

AWWWW Matt. I said the non-alcoholic Turkey turd. And no Black Bush chaser. In every sense of the phrase. Praise!!! Susan!!!! We need you. Excuse me. Back to Trivial Pursuit. Kendall's fixing the deck again. Don't want him to re-shuffle the question about Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs. Hey there little red riding hood. You sure are looking good...

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:44 PM

Ha ha YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Mis-shapes, mistakes, misfits
Raised on a diet of broken biscuits, oh
We don't look the same as you
And we don't do the things you do
But we live round here too, oh really

Mis-shapes, mistakes, misfits
We'd like to go to town, but we can't risk it, oh
'Cos they just wanna keep us out
You could end up with a smack in the mouth
Just for standing out, now really

Brothers, sisters, can't you see?
The future's owned by you and me
There won't be fighting in the streets
They think they've got us beat
But revenge is gonna be so sweet, oh

We're making a move
We're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes
We want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns
We won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
And that's our minds

Check your lucky numbers
That much money could drag you under, oh
Oh, what's the point in being rich
If you can't think what to do with it
'Cos you're so bleeding* thick?
Oh, we weren't supposed to be
We learned too much at school -
Now we can't help but see
That the future that you've got mapped out
Is nothing much to shout about, oh

We're making a move
We're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes
We want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns
We won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
And that's our minds

Brothers, sisters, can't you see?
The future's owned by you and me
There won't be fighting in the streets
They think they've got us beat
But revenge is gonna be so sweet!1

We're making a move
We're making it now
We're coming out of the sidelines
Just put your hands up, it's a raid, yeah
We want your homes
We want your lives
We want the things you won't allow us
We won't use guns
We won't use bombs
We'll use the one thing we've got more of
And that's our minds
That's our minds!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:37 PM

Now that you mention it Sins, Mick did say something about Nathan and nads. I dunno' if he was talking about the Aussie hair removal goo or smashing someone's nads........Hmmmm..........Anyway, where's that freakin' gnu? I'm gonna' get him for this damn Turkey Turd!!!.............and HEY!!!! NO BLACK BUSH UNLESS YOU CHASE IT WITH A TURKEY TURD!!!!!..................gawdamm, what am I saying.....there's a real image for you.....................anyway................If I can find that damn gnu he's gonna be up to his ass in the stuff.................

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Caitrin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:21 PM

Eating the circuit boards?! Nooooooooo!!!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: JenEllen
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:16 PM

Sheesh Sins...not THIS girl!!! *bg* If he's got ALISON in his corner...at least you'll have someone to help hold the ointment and gauze!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:18 PM

Yes, you were Alison. And by the way, keep your grubby little hands off his thunderbolt! You'd think a Big Mick and a shirtless Amergin would be enough...then again a picture says a thousand words and there are three of them making the rounds of Alison sans everything but an instrument. Under the table. In the olive grove. Hussy!
Hey Kendall! Keep your eyes on the TP board. And Jen - don't get your hopes up. Amergin is carrying a tube of Crazy Glue to repair his "hair shirt" as needed. Real indeed. I know a plug job when I see one. Serve him right if Mick depiliates him with a hot wax treatment. See how long that silly grin lasts...that silly sexy grin...HMMMM I'll go stock up on ointment and gauze, 'Gin. Let me know when Mick is finished and I'll fix you right up. Barkeep! Champagne to the corner booth. Trivial Pursuit requires four - me, the Captain, 'Gin and...and...?????

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:10 PM

The black bush? Oh, she's over in the corner.....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: alison
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:05 PM

I need something strong!!!!!!......

geez Kendall was Zeus????? I was flirting with Kendall??????

lol............ and good fun it was too....... where's that Black Bush??????

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: JenEllen
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:39 PM

LOL 'Gin....whatever you say luv.*bg* You got a girl in your corner, what else would you need??

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:17 PM

Uh, Jen, that bulge you see in my pocket area...is not a rocket.....

Well, Sins, why don't you come on over here and see what happens...well, after we see if Mick bloodies me up too much.....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:16 PM

Does anyone know where this large smelly dog came from? He's taken quite a fancy to me, and won't let me move out of this chair. I've already got shoes full of doggy drool, and I seriously need a wee...... besides, it's either him or Spaw that's starting to steam up my glasses here.....

And I wish he'd get his tongue out of my ear......

LTS

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:09 PM

Matt. Come join us is a "40", non-alcoholic for you. I am worried about you sweetie. You know that there is really no Rebel Alliance, right? And no "Big Red Button" other than the one on Amergin's shirt, right?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 05:05 PM

Yes, but as we speak, there are billions of nanites and voles wreaking havoc on your circuit boards! And when one of them reaches the ligature arm for "The Big Red Button", all you'll get is a big red nothing! But the Rebel Alliance has a secret weapon of our own. And that's GOODWYN to you, as in "goodwynz in the end".

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:51 PM

BERTMELUV! Still here? Happy Birthday!. Come over here for your birthday spanking and bring that guitar. It should work nicely.Then again maybe we'll just use Spaw's column and let you play the guitar later.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:46 PM

GOOD! I need a refill!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Caitrin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:44 PM

Oh, were you under the impression that the Death Star was a "fireworks" sort of operation, Mr. Hawtayne? *sniffs* Hardly. When I press the big red button, the Death Star will aim 2000 gallons of pure Turkey Turd Beer straight at the tavern.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Bert
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:30 PM

Wotchit!!! Kendal, playing Trivial Pursuit with MEDARLINSINS. How dare you say it's Trivial. Pursuit of THESINSBEAUTY is a serious matter. 'Specially if you should perchance to catch her.

Oh how I wish that the magical alchemist Bruce O. were here. He has a multi-stage fractionating column that is capable of turning Turkey Turd Beer into Metaxa of such fine quality that even the Skiff won't make jokes about it.

And Spaw's column is already too fractionated to do anything but hang there limply.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:12 PM

You guys are drinking 40's ? The beer must have continued fermenting in the tank. Before you string me up with that rope, try one, Spaw.

Oh-oh. Where's Clint when you need him ?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:06 PM

4 "t"s MM. that's catchy. Almost makes me want to order one. Oh why not? Another "40" over here. Make that two - Kendall can have some. 2 "40" = 80. That's about right isn't it, Captain? May 10? No?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: MMario
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:00 PM

I'll take a triple turkey turd 'n tonic.

*phew* oh what a day.....

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 03:53 PM

I never said I would drink the stuff. I'd rather lick the mud off the bottom of a dry water hole amongst a herd of crocodiles. Hey, why are you all staring at me like that ? It was Spaw's idea to order it... and he double clicked the order button and got two trucks. Listen, I really should get going. Oh, are all you guys leaving too ? What are you doing with that rope, Spaw ? Spaw ?!!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:58 AM

Go ahead, blow it up! Toast the cantina band! It takes more than a paltry show of fireworks to scare us! Death Star HAH! Pull one hose and it's down like an old car.

--Goodwyn Hawtayne

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Caitrin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:51 AM

High above, in the vast reaches of space inhabited by the "Jedi as a Religion" thread, a battle rages...
"You rebel scum will never defeat us!" Darth Caitrin said, the Sith Lady's smirk betraying the scorn she felt regarding the Rebel Alliance.
"Hey, that's Mr. Rebel Scum to you!" one of the pilots shouted.
Darth Caitrin snorted in disgust. "Certainly. As though it matters. Soon you shall all be dead."
"You may kill us, but you'll never defeat the Rebellion!" a young pilot (who looked suspiciously like Matt_R) cried out. "Good always triumphs!"
"Oh does it, Hawtayne?" the Sith replied, her smirk growing broader. "My Death Star is now fully operational. I think an excellent choice of first targets would be...
The Mudcat Tavern."

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Caitrin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 10:23 AM

Hey, another fantastic barroom brawl has been narrowly avoided! Sounds like time for a dance of celebration...anybody feel like playing?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: JenEllen
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 09:44 AM

Nice save, Al. Here me thinking the boy was either very brave or jus' had a rocket in his pocket.

Yup, 'Spaw, my premier post still stands. Amazement and manure...now put my blanket back...

Mick, I'm not sure exactly how well this thing would work. Theoretically, it's a gold-mine, realistically, it takes all the fun out. But then again, I ain't all that shy...*bg*

~JE~

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: alison
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 04:42 AM

oh er.... Hi Mick..... haven't seen you for a while.....

oh you want to know who this is???? it's Amergin.... and he's been very good to me... defended my honour when some dickless wonder decided to start slinging mud..... and some others were off gallivanting *grin*..........so don't mangle him too much eh?????

alright that's enough crawling......... don't think I've ever been described as "turf" before....... must give off a pleasant smell when I burn.......... lol

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Amergin
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 01:03 AM

I step out of the head with a very satisfied glowing smirk on my face...Alison jiggles her way out behind me....I gaze up at the biggest redfaced man I have ever seen...."You called for me, Mick?"

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 11:12 PM

(just a personal sidenote).........LMAO.....Geeziz JE, Mick's right! You and Peter really have a winner going here..........and not ONCE have you set fire to a Kestrel!.....Just great!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: JenEllen
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 11:06 PM

The woman continued to plot further manipulations of the scanning system while the tavern began a slow tectonic boil of it's own. The crack in the plate this time was, of course, Spaw's declaration of war against TurkeyTurdBreweries.
When the lights went out, she hit the floor beneath the table with a thud. Her first conscious thought was that Mick's bib must not have been big enough, for she landed in a mildly evaporated puddle of drool that extended the underlength of the table. Her second was that the Dichter was awake, and close, dangerously close, like he-could-read-her- "Property of Camp Shitamuck" t-shirt-by-braille kind of close...
She looked about ready to bolt, and he looked like he'd landed on the pencil, when the BigMick entered and flung the door off of it's hinges in his hunt for the elusive Nathan. As terrifying a thought as it was to stay under the table, there was no way in hell she was going out there now.
By the time the blanket fell, she was well under way to changing the commensal to symbiotic.....blueprints....yeah, the blueprints.......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: catspaw49
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:56 PM

Okay..........Where's that fockin' Irishman? Geeziz..........Do you realize we NOW have a 500 gallon tank filled with Turkey Turd?..........oy...............The guy must have screw loose..............ALRIGHT!! NOW HEAR THIS!!! ...NO ONE LEAVES UNLESS THEY HAVE TWO STEINS OF TURKEY TURD FIRST.......GOT IT!!!...........Whadda mess...can't tell the dumb bastard a thing.....................wait a minute.......WHERE'S THAT GNU???.................Come to think of it, this is all his fault...........gotta' find his ass and....{WHOMP}......GAWWDDAMM......what the hell did I trip over?.............Peter? why are laying there all covered up?...........never mind..................Oh...Hi 'Gin boy....I think Mick's looking for you. Have you seen gnu?........oh,well, I check there...Thanks 'Gin.......and after Mick has pulveriz.....uh, talked to you, tell him I need to see his ass huh?...............................................Oh gggnnnnnnuuuuuuuuuuu.......where are you gnu?....................Come see Ol' Spaw.........................

Spaw

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: kendall
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:41 PM

You just had to blow my cover didn't you? Well Matt, you were right, I am Zeus.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Big Mick
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:34 PM

Yeah............sure I am, you squeeky wee man, but that is not unusual for a 50 year old man who drinks copious amounts of the vile black stuff.........it's gotta go so damn place..........can I borrow that bucket???? By the way, this here scanner doodad.......have the two of you given any thought to the result of such vicissitudinous tampering........just wondering.........WHERE IS THAT FRIGGIN AMERGIN?????????..........

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:18 PM

In a minute Zeus! I am trying to barter three pairs of white cotton knee socks and a whoopie cushion for my earrings. Somebody keep an eye on Kendall. He's stacking the deck with History cards and reading the answers. Actually, you may want to postpone Trivial pursuit until mick finishes tweezing Amergin's chest hairs - one by one. He squeals like a girl. A manly chest though.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:11 PM

(Small voice from under the table:) "Don't mind him, he's given to excessive micturition."

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Big Mick
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 09:02 PM

The door flies open so hard that it comes off the hinges..........The biggest damn Mick you have ever seen storms in with eyes ablaze, his magnificent mane of hair tossing like a lion protecting the kill..........and with a roar..........

NNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN......that puny little arse of yours in mine.............I am going to knock yer flirting, Astrolabia stealing arse clean through the Presbyterian heaven.......clean through the Roman Catholic Heaven right into the dung heap of eternity known as Turkey Turd Heaven.........What the hell is everyone doing on the floor??????? Peter, what are you doing............never mind, here ya go lad, let me just throw a table cloth over you..........there is a knock at the front door........yeah, oh.......a trailer full of Turkey Turd beer.....sure .........bring it in.........I don't drink that shite, but someone must be.............what the hell is this scanner doohickey.........fecking drawings look like a set of Uilleann Pipes built by a cement mason on some really good hash.........where is that friggin Amergin?????..........Trying to horn in on THE FAIR ONE, the cyber love of several of my lives whom I relentlessly pursue over cyber hill and dale..................I am going to hold his arse down and pour about half of this..........check that...........make it all of that friggin Turkey Turd Beer down his worthless damn throat........mutter, grumble, sputter, spit.......

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: kendall
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 08:27 PM

Sinsull, come on over here. I brought my Trivial Pursuit game, and I'm about to whup you!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Peter T.
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:42 PM

A cracked pot never boils, but the Dichterphoney had certainly already experienced, like R. Brazzi in the film version of South Pacific, a wave of different colour schemes as his expectations of Paradise flew about like day flies from moonlight and vice versa. He was also beginning to feel the need of a drink, given that the lady beside him had already hoisted more than a few. In fact, it reminded him that he needed to add another feature to the proposed machine, concerning drinking capacity. He remembered that on one ill-fated occasion, the lady in question had spent a long time in the washroom, and would excuse herself over and over again, although she spent the evening nursing a half-pint of ginger ale. He suspected that she went into the washroom to laugh, cry, or otherwise de-tox from his presence. He resolved to make a mental note of it, and then it occurred to him to wonder if a resolve was different from a mental note, perhaps more adhesive, like the difference between a Post-It Note and the smell of a Newfoundland dog.

Speaking of Newfoundland dogs, he began to wish that there might be a piano player in the house, so he could sing out: "Play 'Musty' for me!" in order to precipitate the current non-relationship into some better odor.

It was at that moment that Catspaw overturned everything, doused the lights, and made everyone get down like the moment in Casablanca when Sasha and company light out for the resistance meeting, and Ilsa lights out for the non-resistance meeting.

In the confusion, he found himself underneath the table and extremely close to the floor, which was equivalent to being eye-to-eye with the Burgess Shale, and more to the point, diametrically opposed to the Lady of Shallought. In lieu of conversation, and given the howling drunken mob of regulars, he flirted with the idea (his only experience of flirtation on his own turf) of retailing the story of the Arabian king whose servants presented him with an ugly fish for dinner that had a jewel in its stomach, to which the king responded: "What is a pearl like you doing in a plaice like this?"; but instead resorted to American Indian Sign Language, of which he knew only one phrase: Cigar Store.

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Matt_R
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:40 PM

Sniffing? Are you KIDDING? Mag 44's are the only markers that have the warning label "Inhale once and die!". I hold my breath for all it's worth!

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: Caitrin
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:36 PM

*sighs* Matt, didn't we tell you to stop sniffing the markers?

Subject: RE: Mudcat Shite-Free Tavern (Next!)
From: SINSULL
Date: 24 Apr 01 - 07:28 PM

Spaw maybe we can make TurkeyTurd Shots out of that stuff with some lime jello...if it doesn't work, you can play in it instead. Or stuff mousethief into it head first. He is evil isn't he? By the way, those earrings you bought from him are mine and I want them back!