Origins: Will the Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: GUEST,CupOfTea at work, no cookies
Date: 07 Mar 23 - 01:50 PM

In the before-times, at the Central Ohio Folk Festival, in Columbus Ohio, this song was the winner at their "worst song" contest, held during the night before potluck/gathering/sing around for performers and volunteers. Most of the entries were self-penned by the performers, but I had a riproaring time sharing Les Barker parodies with the winner during the following day.

Joanne in Cleveland

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: Felipa
Date: 05 Mar 23 - 04:33 PM

Ross Campbell's link no longer works, but I found this short item at
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1987-05-29-mn-2198-story.html
[what year did Les compose his parody of Can the Circle Be Unbroken?]

Pet turtle falls from Hong Kong high-rise

High-Rise Turtle Falls, Strikes Man in Head
L.A. Times Archives
May 29, 1987 12 AM PT
Associated Press
HONG KONG —

A man walking to work was beaned by a falling turtle, according to news reports today.

A freshwater turtle weighing more than two pounds struck 36-year-old Lui Wai-kwong on the head, bruising Lui’s temple and badly injuring the turtle, the accounts said. The tortoise plummeted from a high-rise residential building.

-- but also this sadder tale --

https://coconuts.co/hongkong/news/passerby-struck-in-the-head-by-turtle-that-fell-out-of-hong-kong-apartment-window/

Passerby struck in the head by turtle that fell out of Hong Kong apartment window

By Kalim Chen
Mar 10, 2021 | 5:00pm Hong Kong time

Hongkongers traditionally believe that turtles are a symbol of good luck, but if you were unsuspectingly hit in the head by one, you would be forgiven for thinking otherwise.

A 29-year-old man walking near a housing estate in Kwai Chung Tuesday evening was struck by a turtle falling from a window, causing injuries to his head. The 29-year-old, surnamed Feng, was conscious and called the police. He was sent to Princess Margaret Hospital for treatment, HK01 reported

The turtle, found bleeding and with a cracked shell at Kwai Hing Estate, did not survive. Its carcass was taken away by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) for examination.

Before the incident, the turtle was kept in a terrarium on the windowsill. It is believed to have climbed out of the open window and fallen to the ground.

The turtle owner, a 56-year-old man surnamed Hui, was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty.

If found guilty, he could face a maximum fine of HK$200,000 (US$25,760) and three years’ imprisonment. He was released on bail Wednesday, according to the police.

According to local media, a five-foot-long turtle smashed into a man’s vehicle traveling along Queen’s Road West in Sai Wan in 2015, shattering the car’s windshield into pieces. The driver survived the bizarre incident without injury, and the turtle, suffering a scratched shell, was taken away for further examination.

-------------------

these are probably not all freak accidents; I have also read of problems in Hong Kong with people tossing all sorts of things, including live animals, out of tall buildings.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 17 Jan 08 - 04:34 PM

Debby McClatchy was handed a scrap of paper by Les Barker at Fylde some years back. It contained the words of "Myrtle the Turtle", and she performed the song in the Market Tavern an hour or two later, with me accompanying on concertina. Somewhere there exists a recording made by Charles and John Webb of this historic (?) occasion.

Debby is back at Fylde this year. Sadly, the Market Tavern (Fylde's underground fringe venue) has gone the way of the Strawberry Gardens and the King's Arms and is currently closed - but no doubt a suitable occasion will present itself for a Myrtle revival.

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 03:54 PM

Some of you may have seen from the current thread about Les Barker unwell (or ill, even) that Les has had to rearrange his performance schedule.

We Brits (said Kitty, assuming the royal prerogative) think he's a national treasure.

I first heard the Myrtle the turtle version performed by Debbie McClatchy at Maidenhead folk club... have never tried singing it at Herga because Moses got to it before me!


Kitty

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 02:55 PM

About fifteen years ago here in Miltown Malbay during the Willie Clancy Summer School a loggerhead turtle came ashore in the next village, Quilty. Within a couple of days there were three songs in circulation about where it drank, what instrument it played and who it was knocking around with.
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 16 Jan 08 - 12:56 PM

"Truth is stranger than fiction" or "Life imitating Art"?

Pet turtle falls from Hong Kong high-rise

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 12:34 PM

I've been doing 'Turtle' and also 'Have You Got Any News Of The Iceberg?' with some success for some time now, both learnt from recorded cover versions, but last month I finally got to see Les with the Mrs Ackroyd Band. Totally brilliant, and definitely so funny it hurts. Great musicianship from the other three, too. Do see them if you can.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Banjo-Flower
Date: 13 Feb 07 - 11:47 AM

15 Dec 99 McGrath of Harlow posted
"poor old seaside town of Scunthorpe"

Must be Global warming, Scunthorpe's 30 miles inland

Gerry

Subject: ADD: Will the Turtle Be Unbroken? (Les Barker)
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 11:28 PM

Here you go, GP, from another thread, posted by Morticia:

WILL THE TURTLE BE UNBROKEN
Les Barker

I have bought a small apartment
In a lonely part of town
There are 27 storeys
It's a long way to the ground

There I live with my friend Myrtle
My companion, my best friend
She ain't human; she's a turtle
And I'll love her to the end

She was standing at my window
On a cold and cloudy day
Till some wild and wilful wind blew
My poor Myrtle clean away

Will the turtle be unbroken
By and by Lord, by and by
Lord help my Myrtle as she hurtles
Through the sky Lord, through the sky

I ran downstairs, I was crying
I must find her, I must know
My poorMyrtle would be lying
Several hundred feet below

Will the turtle be unbroken
By and by Lord, by and by
Lord help my Myrtle as she hurtles
Through the sky Lord, through the sky

Was she sundered into sections
As her shell fell to the ground
Would I find two hundred plectrums
My friend Myrtle all around

Will the turtle be unbroken
By and by Lord, by and by
Lord help my Myrtle as she hurtles
Through the sky Lord, through the sky

Oh caretaker, poor caretaker
Why do you lie here stone cold dead
Poor man went to meet his maker
Something landed on his head

And the turtle was unbroken
By and by Lord, by and by
For you guided my friend Myrtle
Through the sky Lord, through the sky

Undertaker, undertaker
Lay that poor man in his grave
Good Lord took the old caretaker
But my best friend she was saved

Yes the turtle was unbroken
By and by Lord, by and by
For you guided my friend Myrtle
Through the sky Lord, through the sky
^^

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: GUEST,GP
Date: 12 Feb 07 - 10:48 PM

does someone out there just have the words to the song written out? My son wants to learn it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: MMario
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:08 AM

audio file of "Will the turtle be unbroken" at this site here

url=http://www.picklehead.com/mini/les.html

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Tiger
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:16 PM

Les Barker is playing in Woods Hole, MA on January 2nd., with Steve Gillette and Cindy Mangsen.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 01:33 PM

Bert- I don't have any in stock, but Camsco can get them for you at competitive prices. Contact [e-mail]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: jofield
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 11:08 PM

Eric von Schmidt -- to whom we all send every good wish and prayer -- used to sing:

Will the serpent be housebroken. -- -- -- -- -- Subway turnstyle won't take my token, Pass on by, boy, pass on by.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: sophocleese
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 04:08 PM

By the way Wurkman that short poem of Les Barker's reminds me of a Spike Milligan favourite:

Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock, the clock struck one, and the others got away with minor injuries.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 04:00 PM

RE BL**DY-- There's a story about w.S. Gilbert, and the operetta "Ruddigore". Seems it was originally titled "Ruddygore", and suffered at the box office because of the (supposed) barely polite euphimism. Whan someone asked Gilbert, " and how is Bloodygore doing?" GIlbert corrected him. When the person responded "It's the same thing", Gilbert came out with: "Not at all. If I say that I admire your ruddy countenance---which I do---it's not to say that I like your bloody cheek---which I don't!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Paul S
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 03:26 PM

A couple of years ago, Jello Biafra put out an album with Mojo Nixon and the Toadliquors. They do a song to this tune, called "May the Fetus Be Aborted". Of course, it's not very PC (or it's very PC, depending on which side of the fence you're standing on), but a very good song. They do an excellent, high-energy version, that you can't help but sing along with.

I would also love to find the lyrics for "Turtle".

Paul.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 03:10 PM

Yes - and here is the Les Barker website, with a great picture of "Our KLeader", Mrs Ackroyd: http://www.cix.co.uk/~ackroyd/welcome.htm

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 02:43 PM

Back to the original subject: is Les Barker the one who doe the bit about the "occasional table" ?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Skipjack
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 02:11 PM

I live near Scunthorpe, and I'm all for it being banned.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 01:51 PM

My grandparents lived in various overseas locations in the 191x's, 1920's, and early 1930's.....they had just moved to China, where they lived in a section with mostly British families....there were very few from the US living there at the time.....when My grandmother was shunned for months by the "social crowd" -- because my mother (about 4 at the time) spotted a smashed mosquito on a woman's blouse and loudly pointed out the "bloody bug"

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 01:30 PM

I'm off down the library to check out if the computer system Essex County Council has any barred words. I doubt if they'd be up to it.

Mind you, I suspect there are some systems around that would bar the very name of the county on serach engines. I believe the poor old seaside town of Scunthorpe had a lot of trouble with thtat kmind of thing.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Metchosin
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 01:29 PM

When we were small, my uncle, who was English, wouldn't let my cousin and me sing Stanley Holloway's "With Her Head Tucked Underneath Her Arm", as it was recorded. We had to sing: "She walked the bad word Tower". As Canadians we thought that was rather stupid and could not understand the big deal, but I guess it really bothered him to hear two little girls sing the word "Bloody" with such relish and gusto.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Skipjack
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 12:43 PM

Use any mo' of that cuss language, Wurkman, and yo' dead meat with Paw!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: MMario
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 12:34 PM

"bloody" is a very useful rude word in the US..know one knows you're being rude!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 12:19 PM

Not Cambridge Mass, but Cambridge Cambs ‹ just a few miles up the M11 from you McG. We seem to have gone off the turtle and on to rude words, always a favourite subject.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Gary T
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 10:20 AM

Here in the U.S., I've only heard "bloody" used to describe something covered with blood, just a simple matter-of-fact adjective. I participate in a different web forum site that censors the word "pussy", which limits some discussions about cats (in case anyone reading isn't familiar with American slang, it is also used to mean "vagina", and by extension a cowardly [feminine] male). Of course, all it takes to get around any of these filters is using an asterisk in place of one letter, or spacing it out as Wurkman did. These censoring filters seem rather silly to me, and anyone who disagrees is a bloody pussy! (VBG)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 08:00 PM

So bloody is out, but crap,is ok? Is that a Cambridge in America? I wouldn't think that over here many ppeople would think of bloody as being a rude word. Crap on the other hand probably would be.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Bert
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 01:46 PM

Hey Dick, do you have any of his stuff in stock at your new company?

I guess that was the answer Wurkman. The library must have had problems with kids trying to see what they could get away with.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 12:41 PM

BTW---Les is one of the many, many people who has given DigiTrad permission to include his work. Nice guy.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 12:32 PM

I was transmitting from the public library in Cambridge. Do you think that might have something to do with the apprarent censorship Bert? Now I'm back at base so let's give it another bloody good go.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: AndyG
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:39 AM

In fact there are (currently) 59 books of Mr Barkers' poems available.
I saw Debbie about 2 years back which was the first time I heard this piece. She said Les had presented her with the parody at a festival and she then performed it from the sheet, live ! - She owned up to completely cracking up on stage before she got to the end !

AndyG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Bert
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:35 AM

Wurkman, It's not Mudcat doing that, we don't believe in censorship. It must be something at your bloody site.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:34 AM

Somehow (this is a true story) got into a discussion with several friends about whether it is possible to housebreak certain domestic animals. . . when the question was asked about gerbils they were surprised when I started singing, of course can a gerbil be housebroken? by and by. . . sorry about that PETE

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:30 AM

Yesssss! We've defeated the system

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:29 AM

Ok I give up! One more try. b l o o d y

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:26 AM

Not my crap typing after all.

It seems Mudcat doesn't accept rude words. but if you put the word in front of that stray 'y', you should get the .

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:23 AM

Quick ammendment (my crap typing, sorry)

Baa baa black sheep have you any wool?

Course I y have. I'm a sheep.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Wurkman
Date: 14 Dec 99 - 10:19 AM

I came across Les Barker for the first time this year at Towersey. So funny he hurts. As well as the recordings there are around 20 books of LB verse available, all thoroughly recommended. For sheer brilliance, listen to Everything Glows (to the tune of Anything Goes) which is Les' throw on the Sellafield (sp?) nuclear power station.

As Les says, they don't need a lighthouse on the Isle of Man, because it glows in the dark anyway.

I'm sure Les wouldn't mind if I infringed his copyright and repeated a short verse here, if only to help spread the word:

Baa baa blackseep have you any wool? Course I y have. I'm a sheep.

See him live if you can. Apart from being a brilliant comic poet (and a serious one too, at times) he is a lovely bloke.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 09:49 PM

Debbie McClatchy (is that spelt right?) sang it at Sidmouth and Fleetwood this summer on her trip over to England. I don't know if she's recorded it or not. She does it great - and she sings it as "Moitle" and "Toitle", which somehow makes it funnier.

Les Barker is the most painful performer I know.I mean, he is the only one who makes me laugh so that it physically hurts. He can work an audience like noopne I have ever seen - I've been at performances where he is ten minutes without saying a word, and hardly moving a muscle. Just somehow getting the audience to break up into hysterics. Of course he learnt most of that from the later lamented Mrs Ackroyd, his dog.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowanybetter
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 05:41 PM

If you haven't seen him yet, see Les Barker! I saw him play a double bill with June Tabor a couple years ago that was hysterical, and included June singing an additional verse of "The Roseville Fair", penned by Les. It was about the herione smashing the banjo over her newlywed husband's head and the resulting overall improvement in the music(Sorry Bonnie). Definitely see him if you can. Rich

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 11:39 AM

ah, thank you

Cat in BC

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: AndyG
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 10:31 AM

It's a parody by Les Barker and has been released on the latest Mrs Ackroyd Band album Tubular Dogs. Details here.

The text is available in Mr Barkers' book Sitting with my dog on display

AndyG

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Metchosin
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 10:24 AM

I'd love the lyrics too. We have friends whose turtle fell from the third floor to the parking lot of their apartment in Toronto. The turtle survived, after a veternarian friend patched it up with crazy glue or equivalent. Must be an occupational hazard of turtles.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 10:08 AM

OOOOh, no but I'd like to see this for myself :)

Cat in BC

Subject: Will the turtle be unbroken?
From: Willy
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 10:04 AM

Heard a wicked parody of "Will the circle be unbroken" on our local community radio station this weekend - all about Myrtle, the turtle, who fell from the top floor of a high-rise. Anyone know where I can find the lyrics?