Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Davis

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: JenEllen
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 04:51 PM

Oh kat...thanks...ranks right up there with:
"You ever seen anything like this, doc?"
"Yeah, but not with a frame around it..."

~laughingjen

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 Oct 01 - 12:04 AM

You're welcome, Louie. Thanks, again for the refresh, as I'd forgotten about it.

kat

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Louie Roy
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:13 PM

Thanks Kat for posting this poem and I'm sure there are others who have been waiting for someone to post it.I'd never heard the poem before and it was worth the waiting it is real cute Louie Roy

Subject: Lyr Add: THE SPOTTED ASS (poem by Stephanie Davis)
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 06:51 PM

Wasn't on the tape I thought it was. But, I found it at A Prairie Home Companion, May 19, 2001. You can listen to it by clicking on the link on that page, or by clicking here. Her delivery is flawless!

Anyway, here's the poem. Couple of notes: "Skoal" is a chewing tobacco. "Dubois" is pronounced "Dew-boyz."

Thanks,

kat

THE SPOTTED ASS
Stephanie Davis

She was out, she explained, from Manhattan,
Had long wanted to visit the West.
"Well, ma'am, mighty glad you did make it,"
He said, pulling his Skoal from his vest.

They'd both chanced to sit at Gert's counter,
This chic, couth, and cultured young lass
And the old packer, Roy, who said, "I'm from Dubois.
I'm here to show my spotted ass!"

She patted her lips with her napkin.
No words came to mind apropos,
So she sniffed and she coughed, held her eyebrows aloft,
And ventured a tentative "Oh?"

"Well, I don't mean to sound like I'm braggin',"
He said as he pinched off a chew,
"But last year mine won Confirmation
And placed in Agility, too!

"'Course it takes time and trainin'," he added,
"That well-muscled look don't come free.
But for balance and workin' in tandem,
Mine's the pair, ma'am, that you oughta see."

"Really!" she managed to sputter
While smoothing her hair into place.
Her manicured nails drummed her Gucci—
If only she'd thought to pack Mace!

But just then, Gert came by with coffee
And said, "I'll be right with ya, hon."
And the New Yorker part of her rallied—
This little exchange was not done.

She inhaled and straightened her shoulders.
A street-hardened gleam filled her eyes,
Then forcing a smile, she leaned toward him
And said in a voice world-wise:

"We've clubs in New York for such...hobbies.
I went once with my friend, Elaine.
All sizes and shapes pranced before us
In black leather harness and chain.

"We ogled and cheered on our favorites,*
Mine being two twins, Chip and Dale.
Not many were what you'd call spotted.
In fact, most were really quite—pale."

"Albinos!" he gasped. "Weren't you lucky!
Why, I've only seen one in my life,
A cute little thing that could bray on command—
Belonged to the minister's wife!

"She was proud of it, too, let me tell ya;
And much as her husband allowed,
She showed it at fairs and conventions
And afterward posed for the crowd!"

"Uncanny!" she answered. "I just read
A story in Cosmo on this.
It was called 'The Bare Facts: An Intimate Look
At Today's Exhibitionist.'

"It interviewed novice and expert,
Showed scenes from the old Moulin Rouge,
Quoted a noted consultant
Who said they can grow to be huge!"

"Oh, they're popular all right," he nodded.
"I hear Oprah's got herself a pair,
And last year out on the campaign trail,
Our governor kissed his fair share!"

"I must say," she replied, "it's intriguing,
This subculture you belong to.
And I hate to admit, but those spots upon yours are, well,
Something I'd quite like to view!"

"Ma'am, I'd be honored," he answered.
"My trailer's parked just outside.
What say you and me postpone breakfast
And I show you one well-spotted hide?"

"Why not?" she said, after a short pause.
"There can't be much harm in one glance.
This could be one exciting vacation,
And to think poor Elaine went to France!"

And, so out the café they headed,
And though no one witnessed a thing,
Roy left town that day with a shiner
And his prize-winning ass—in a sling!

"Tourists!" he said to his packer friend Ted.
"That's one bunch it's best to let be.
But should you get tangled with one, for gosh sakes,
Don't breathe a word 'bout your stud fee!

"Think of 'em as a coiled rattler—
Don't be fooled by their manners and class.
And when one 'em starts in to swingin' her purse,
Duck first and then cover yer ass!"

[*or "We threw dollar bills at our favorites--"]

Edited to correspond to the text at Stephanie Davis' web site. --JoeClone, 16-May-04.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: katlaughing
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:59 AM

Hi, Louie, thanks for bringing this back up. I have a tape of the show, which another Mudcatter kindly sent me. I will try to get it transcribed later, today, and posted.

Thanks,

kat

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Louie Roy
Date: 11 Oct 01 - 10:50 AM

Did anyone ever get the words to the poem (Spotted Asses)by Stepanie Davis? Louie Roy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 May 01 - 12:17 AM

Thanks, Alice. Nice to hear from you. I knew she'd gone back to Montana, but didn't catch the rest of what was said, then the poem just caught me and I couldn't stop laughing!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Alice
Date: 21 May 01 - 11:18 PM

Stephanie Davis is from Bridger, Montana, where her family has lived for four generations (that's a long time in our terms, if your family isn't native American). She was a successful songwriter in Nashville for awhile, and has returned home to Montana, where she continues to write songs and poetry. She did write the Spotted Ass poem she recited on Prairie Home Companion last week, as well as the songs she performed. hilarious. I was working in the garage trying to get the lawn mower started, listening to a small radio with earphones, and had to laugh out loud. Alot of cowboy poetry is just as funny (and smart). It is a great genre that is alive and well, even as the way of life for ranching is being squeezed out.

Alice in Montana

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 May 01 - 08:52 PM

She wrote it, at least that is what I understood when she did the intro for it. I'll go listen to the show, again, and see if she says.

Kath, I think it would have been dangerous for me to be driving and listening to it at the same time!

Thanks for the link, Jim. Just marvelous:-),

kat

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 May 01 - 07:57 PM

This report from The Billings Outpost reviews another occasion on which Stephanie Davis recited "Spotted Ass." It refers to her as a "cowboy poet," but it stops short of saying she wrote it herself.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 May 01 - 07:43 PM

You can find out more than you want to know about Spotted Asses at the American Council of Spotted Asses web site, but they don't have the poem, apparently.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: KathWestra
Date: 21 May 01 - 03:15 PM

I was driving Margaret MacArthur to her concert appearance for the Folklore Society of Greater Washington when Stephanie did "Spotted Asses." Margaret and I were both laughing so hard it was downright dangerous. Does anyone know who WROTE the poem? Kathy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: katlaughing
Date: 21 May 01 - 12:11 AM

Man, you ARE good! I did a search on google and didn't find much except her in relation to Garth Brooks and a listing from an old PHC. Thanks, Joe...well, we Western wimmin are generally a tad purty.:-)

kat

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Dav
From: Joe Offer
Date: 21 May 01 - 12:08 AM

Well, Kat, Click here for information on the May 19 Prairie Home Companion show. Stephanie Davis is at http://www.stephaniedavis.net/, but there are no lyrics at her Website. The recording of the show will be available at this page (click), but it's not up yet.
I did happen to notice from the picture that Stephanie Davis is more than slightly gorgeous...
-Joe Offer-

Subject: Poem: Spotted Asses by Stephanie Davis
From: katlaughing
Date: 20 May 01 - 11:43 PM

Heard her recite this original poem on Prairie Home Companion this weekend, right here, live in Why-Oh-Myn, with my friends, the Bohren family performing, too. It is a hilarious poem and I'd love to work it up. Anyone know of it?

Thanks,

kat