Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Snuffy Date: 29 Mar 21 - 09:57 AM That mention of thunder has brought back memories from the mid 1950s of this little gem: Hark, hark I hear thunder Must be the peas I ate last Monda' Quick, quick to the toilet door Whoops! too late: it's on the floor. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Jiggers Date: 29 Mar 21 - 09:01 AM There is a song to the tune of Jake the Peg, my flatmates used to sing after coming back from group hiking trips - I can only remember a few verses My name is Jack, tiddly-ack, tiddly-ack I'm a necrophiliac, tiddly-ack, tiddly-ack I get frustrated, tiddly-ated, tiddly-ated When I see them get cremated It makes me chunder tiddly-under tiddly-under When I see them 6 feet under. .... etc ...,, A childhood rhyme that my mother told me that existed before my time. Barney Wooster was a local bread making purveyor. Tune is Knees up Mother Brown Barney Woosters' bread It sits in your stomach like lead Not a bit of wonder, You fart like thunder Barney Woosters bread. Slight variation of nasty rhyme that appears several times in this thread. Don't know name of accompanying tune. Diahorrea custard, Diahorrea pie All mixed together with a dead dogs eye Snatters on toast, nice and thick All washed down with a cup of hot sick |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Axel Date: 28 Mar 21 - 04:28 PM Old McDonald, sittin' on a bench, Beatin' his meat with a monkey wrench Missed his meat and hit his balls, Then he pissed his overalls |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Nasty Boy Date: 25 Feb 19 - 09:40 AM Mary had a little scooter whose fleece was white as snow, and when you played with her big hooters, she was sure to blow. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,ach05 Date: 18 Oct 17 - 02:01 PM this little monkey ran round the country fell down a black hole cut his little butt hole what colour was his blood? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Duchess Cheeky Date: 17 Jul 14 - 02:59 AM My mother and your mother were digging in a ditch. My mother called your mother a big fat son of a Pitch me out the window, I landed on a rock. Along came a bumble bee and stung me on my Cocktail, ginger ale, 5 cents a glass. If someone kicks your Ashes be sure to close your eyes. If you don't believe me you can kiss my Ask me no questions I tell you not a lie. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Mark Date: 22 May 13 - 01:27 PM Gene, Gene, made a machine Joe, Joe, made it go Art, Art, let a fart And blew the whole damn thing apart. Yankee Doodle went to town Riding on a turtle Turned the corner just in time To see a lady's girdle. While shepherds washed their socks by night All seated round the tub A bar of Ivory soap fell down And they began to scrub. He had an apartment in front And she had a flat behind. And from Allan Sherman: On top of old Smokey All covered with hair Of course I'm referring To Smokey the bear. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Airymouse Date: 21 May 13 - 08:44 PM Get up get up you lazy sinner We need sheets for the tablecloth and it's damn near time for dinner Pretty tame huh? Actually the real "Mary Mary quite contrary" is nastier than anything listed here and a good deal grimmer. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,downunder Date: 21 May 13 - 09:17 AM A girls' skipping song from Australia, early 1970s. At this time, Paul's Ice Cream was trying to make out that their product was a health food because it contained milk. They called it "The Health Food of the Nation". Aaah, the 1970s. The school girls skipping were not fooled (Carlton Bitter=beer) Carlton Bitter, Carlton Bitter Carlton Bitter, can or glass Beer's the health food of the nation stick the ice cream up your arse Who needs advertising standards boards? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 21 Mar 13 - 12:12 AM Mary had a little lamb, his legs were black as charcoal, every time he wagged his tail, flames shot out his arsehole. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 23 Oct 12 - 04:06 PM Quoted by W. H. Auden from his childhood: As shepherds watched their flocks by night, All shitting on the ground, An angel of the Lord came down And handed paper round. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 23 Oct 12 - 12:57 AM Mary had a little lamb It's fleece was black as charcoal and every time that she bent down it fucked her up the arsehole! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Henry Krinkle Date: 09 Aug 12 - 04:37 AM Inky pinky Bottle of ink Oh, how you do stink! (:-( P)= |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Huck Date: 09 Aug 12 - 12:42 AM I can't believe nobody posted this one yet: "Folks who write on bathroom walls Roll their turds in little balls. Then those who read their words of wit, Eat the little balls of sh*t." This one's a lot rarer, and incomplete: "Slippery slimy Sue, upon whose legs green fungus grew. Before I'd climb her scabby thighs, and suck her festering tits, I'd drink a gallon of vulture vomit and die of the drizzling sh*ts." I had a grade school friend who could rattle off verse after verse of "Slippery Slimy Sue", but years later he was killed in VietNam. I've wished since then I had written it all down. R.I.P. Cpl Mike McCarty! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,guest Date: 06 Jul 12 - 08:27 PM We three kings of Orient are One in a taxi, one in a car One on a scooter blowing his tooter Following yonder star Oh star of wonder, star of light Stuff your pants with dynamite Light the fuse and off we go All the way to Mexico Version 1 While shepherds washed their socks by night All seated on the grass The angel of the Lord came down And fell on her big a*** Version 2 While shepherds washed their socks by night All watching ITV The angel of the Lord came down And switched to BBC Elvis Presley Girls are sexy Back of the bus Drinking pepsi Had a baby Called it Daisy Had a twin Called it Tim. First person: I am the greatest! Everyone else: Not in the latest! Under! Over! Pepsi! Cola! Kill the boys! (originally it was 'kick the boys.') 'When Susie was' - one of my favourites When Susie was a baby, A baby Susie was She went like this - Waaa! Waaa! Waaa! When Susie was a toddler A toddler Susie was She went like this - Scribble, scribble, scribble When Susie was a schoolgirl A schoolgirl Susie was She went like this - Miss! Miss! I can't do this I got my knickers in a great big twist! When Susie was a teenager A teenager she was She went like this - Oo! Aah! I lost my bra I left my knickers in my boyfriend's car! When Susie was a mother A mother Susie was She went like this - Boys! Boys! Stop that noise! When Susie was a grandma A grandmother she was She went like this - Knit, knit, knit, knit When Susie was great grandma A great grandma she was She went like this - Rock, rock, rock, rock When Susie was a pile of bones A pile of bones she was She went like this - Rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle When Susie was a ghost A ghost Susie was She went like this - Woooh! Woooh! Woooh! When Susie was a goblin A goblin Susie was She went like this - *crafty snicker* When Susie was no more No more Susie was She went like this - |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 05 Jul 12 - 07:48 PM roses are red violets areblack why is your chest as flat as your back |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,i'm normal thanx Date: 20 Jun 12 - 05:03 PM I took my sister for a walk, to see the train go shunt! A piece of wood fell off the ride, and hit her in the... .....COUNTRY girls are pretty, they lay upon the the grass; Stick their heads between their legs and whistle up their.... .....AUNTY Mary had a canary, also had a duck; Took em behind the kitchen door, and taught em how to.... .....FRY eggs & bacon,also pour the tea; The more you eat,the more you drink the more you want to.... .....PEEETER was in the boat, the boat began to rock peter fell out the boat & sliced off his.... .....COCKADoodledoo it's got nufin to do with you, So go home, play with your own, And paddle your own canoe..!!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,GUESTGUEST Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:52 PM Bacon is bacon eggs are eggs don't let a man between your legs. he says you're cute he says you're fine but 9 mon. later he says,"It's not mine". Heard this at school. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 08 Nov 11 - 08:40 PM i thought it went Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch some marijuana jack got high and unzipped his fly and asked jill if she wanna jill said yes and droped her dress just to have some fun but stupid jill forgot the pill and now they have a son |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 29 Mar 11 - 04:49 PM Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana jack got high unzipped his fly and asked jill if she wanna jill said yes then dropped her dress and then they had some fun stupid jill forgot her pill and know they have a son. twinkle twinkle little star how i wonder what you r shine upon the parking lot as i eat my girlfriends twat georgie porgie puddin pie blew his load on his girlfriends eye and when her eye was clean and shut georgie fucked that one eyed slut hickory dickory dock some chick was sukin my cock the clock struck 2 i dropped my goo and i dumpped that bitch at the next stop. humpty dumpty fucked a fat whore humpty dumpty fucked her some more all the kings horses and all the kings men bent that bitch over and fucked her again. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Frank Date: 06 Jan 11 - 11:24 PM Sing a song of syphillis a penis full of pus four and twenty harlots f*cking in a bus when the scabs were opened (I forget, bugga. I'm not as good as I once was, but i'm as good once as I ever was.) Little miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey, along came a spider and sat beside her and She said "F*ck off Hairy Legs." Rose's are red, Violet's are blue, and Mary isn't wearing any! Feeling rude in the nude was Miss Prim when she went down to the river for a swim 'till a man in a punt stuck an oar in her eye and now she has to wear glasses |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,An old Marine Date: 06 Jan 11 - 10:24 AM Mag mag the dirty sag, the slippery slimy slut, between her thighs green fungus lies and worms crawl out her butt, before it'd fuck that dirty bitch and suck those pusy tit's I'd drink a gallon of after-birth and swim in liquid shit |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,The late Douglas O. Date: 04 Dec 10 - 01:20 AM Two dutchmen, two dutchmen, digging in a ditch, one called the other a dirty son of a peter murphy had a dog, a darned dog he'd be, gave it to the neibor lady to keep her company, she taught it, she taught it, she taught it how to jump, it jumped right in her pantie hose and bit her on, two country boys from canada were sitting on a log, along came a bumble bee and stung em on the cocktail gingerale five cents a glass if you don't like it you can kiss my ask me no questions i'll tell you no lies if you ever get hit with a bucket of shit be sure to close your eyes!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest: Rap Song Date: 13 Nov 10 - 10:01 AM Mary had a little Lamb She tied him to the heater Everytime he turned around He burned his little peter Peter pumpkin eater Had a wife and couldn't keep her Put her in a pumpkin shell and blew her all to Hello operator, connect me number nine If you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the Ding, Dong Avon's here Just behind the fridgerator Tommy broke some glass Slipped and fell while cleaning and cut his little Ask me no questions, I'll tell you know lies... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 03 Nov 10 - 07:42 AM jack and jill went up the hill, for a thrill, la la lalalala laaa. jill came down with A baby girl, whilst jack was feeling like he would hurl poor jacks dick, jill would often lick, was so damaged that now it started to click bloody jill you made jack go sterile, but you still spread your legs to him whilst drifting down the River Nile! Jill is a big tramp now...she must do it allllll the time |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Patsy Warren Date: 21 Jul 10 - 06:42 AM Build a bonfire build a bonfire Put the teachers on the top Put old Jenkins in the middle(the name of teacher or head hated most) And burn the fucking lot. (sorry) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:47 PM YOU PEANUT BUTTER,MOTHER FUCKER, TWO BALLED BITCH. YOUR MOTHERS IS IN THE KITCHEN COOKING RED HOT SHIT, YOUR DADDYS IN JAIL YOUR BROTHERS IN HELL. AND YOUR SISTER IS ON THE CORNER, YELLING PUSSY FOR SELL!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Jul 10 - 04:40 PM OLD UNCLE NED HAD A OLD BALD HEAD AND HAD NO EYES TO SEE, HAD NO TEETH TO CRACK CORNCAKE, SO HE HAD TO LET THE CORN CAKE BE. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 22 Jun 10 - 03:17 AM Mary had a little lamb Her father shot the shepherd |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Paul Burke Date: 11 Jun 10 - 06:38 PM The grand old Duke of York, He had ten thousand men, He marched them up to the top of the hill And he had them all again. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 11 Jun 10 - 06:32 PM Jack be quick, Jack be nimble, Jack jump over The phallic symbol. *Not* composed in a nursery. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,over 9000 thousand Date: 11 Jun 10 - 12:47 AM Three blind mice three blind mice where the fuk do they go!!! jack be little jack be quick jack umped over the candle stick and burned the tip of his dick |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Little Hawk Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:45 PM Mary had a rooster, she also had a duck She put them on the windowsill To see if they would dance and sing... The duck began to waddle and the rooster had a fit He jumped into a bucket that was Full of poodle hair and stuff... The poodle came a-running to see what had gone wrong He tripped over the bannister and Twisted off his collarchain... The rooster broke out laughing To see the poodle fall The duck jumped off the windowsill And pecked off BOTH his licenses... The poodle, in a fury, tried to tear the duck to bits The rooster lost his head and tried to hide in Mary's Chest of drawers... The poodle chased the duck all round the house From back to front The rooster and the duck both tried to hide In Mary's jewelry box... Now Mary's had them stuffed And she keeps them on the shelf And if that's not enough for you... Then go get stuffed yourself! **** (I love envisioning the final scene. A thoroughly disgruntled Mary tides up the damage wrought upon her once-tidy abode by her 3 crazed pets, while sitting mutely on the shelf we see...a hysterical looking stuffed rooster, a lasciviously grinning stuffed duck, and a stuffed poodle with a look of shock and outrage recorded for posterity on its fuzzy and frantic face.) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Preston Green Date: 19 Feb 10 - 06:27 PM Abe Lincoln was a good ole man He hopped out the window with his dick in his hand said 'scuse me ladies just doing my duty so drop your pants and give me your booty!!! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,jason Date: 13 Jan 10 - 02:14 AM little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eatin her curds and whey along came a spider sat down beside her pulled out his dick and said eat this you bitch |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Me Date: 12 Jan 10 - 06:58 PM On top of Mt Fuji, All covered in sand, I shot poor old Barney With a rubber band I shot him with triumph, I shot him with pride, I couldn't have missed him, He's forty foot wide. I went to his funeral, I went to his grave, Some people threw roses, I threw a grenade, I opened his coffin, He wasn't quite dead, I got a bazooka, And blew up his head! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 07 Jan 10 - 12:02 AM how about... boys are cheats and liars they're such a big disgrace, they will tell you anything to get to second BASE-ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score, if you let him go all the then you are a WHORE- tocolrist studies flowers, geologist studies rocks, all guys really want is a place to put their COCK-roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs, nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of JUG-glers and acrobats, and a dancing bear name chuck, all guys really want to do is "forget it no such luck!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Guest Date: 11 Sep 09 - 12:25 PM Jack and Jill Went up the hill So Jack could lick her fanny... He got a shock And a faceful of cock 'Cause Jill was really a tranny! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fidjit Date: 30 Aug 09 - 02:58 AM Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb But I've never seen her bare Chas |
Subject: SKIP ROPE - Michael Jackson Game From: GUEST,Professor Al Date: 29 Aug 09 - 10:25 PM Mi-chael Jack-son, Looking for some ac-tion, brought a bunch of boys to the Neverland Ranch... Did a little dance, Pulled down their pants, How many boys did he bring to the Ranch? (double-time) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ...(continue 'til you miss) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Dr G Date: 02 Aug 09 - 08:17 PM This is from the infamous Andrew Dice Clay Mary had a little lamb she kept in her back yard When she pulled her panties down his wooly dick got hard |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Uly Date: 27 Jun 09 - 12:04 PM "There are (used to be?) more verses to My grandmother sells prophylactics, She punctures the heads with a pin, And Grampa does bathtub abortions, My god how the money rolls in! Rolls in, etc There were lots more ways to make the money roll in, but I can't remember . . . " My mother sings "My father makes book on the horses My mother makes second-hand gin My sister makes love with the sailors My god how the money rolls in!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: theman Date: 26 Jun 09 - 11:22 PM Yankee doodle went to town riding on a heater. He accidently switched it on and scorched his little wiener. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:52 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and a quarter jill came down with two fifty oh that fucking whore |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,joe Date: 26 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack burnt off His fuckin' dick. |
Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Ring-a-ring-of-roses From: GUEST,A. Clay Date: 10 Jun 09 - 01:17 AM Jack and Jill went up the hill. They both had a buck-and-a-quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty. They didn't go up for no water. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,guest Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:52 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill Each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with cum in her mouth You think they went up for some water? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,DD Date: 04 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM There are (used to be?) more verses to My grandmother sells prophylactics, She punctures the heads with a pin, And Grampa does bathtub abortions, My god how the money rolls in! Rolls in, etc There were lots more ways to make the money roll in, but I can't remember . . . |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bryn Pugh Date: 21 Nov 08 - 10:56 AM Little Boy Blue, come blow up your horn ! The sheep's in the meado, the cow's in the corn ! Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep ? He's under the haystack shagging Bo-Peep. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego Date: 20 Nov 08 - 04:58 PM Jack & Jill went up the hill, They each had a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two and a half, They didn't go after water! Rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub, Does that make a menage-a-trois? And if they're rub-dubbing, While doing their tubbing, Let's hope they omit the ben-wa's. Hi diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, The cow got shagged on the moon... Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With silver bells, and cockle shells, And one friggin' petunia! There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, She set a Guinness record for her episiotomy |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 19 Nov 08 - 04:41 PM Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall The structure of the wall was incorrect So he won a grand with Claims Direct. It's Raining, It's Pouring Oh sh!t, it's Global Warming. Jack and Jill went into town To fetch some chips and sweeties. He can't keep his heart rate down And she's got diabetes. Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her Between two chunks of bread. Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have you got there?' Said the pie man unto Simon 'Pies you dumb arse!' Mary had a little lamb It ran into a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its @rse And turned its wool to nylon. Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play He kissed them too cause he was gay. Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son. Jack and Jill Went up the hill And planned to do some kissing. Jack made a pass And grabbed her ass Now two of his teeth are missing. Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy. Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy. Mary had a little lamb She called it Baby Abby They burned it in a great big pit Cos its mouth and feet were scabby |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Jessie Lou Date: 16 Nov 08 - 08:35 PM Mary had a little lamb, She kept it fat and plastered, When the price of pork went up, She shot the little bastard. Mary had a little lamb a little beef a little ham some fried chicken and a little fish Mary is a big fat bitch! Little Miss Muffett Spat in a bucket while eating my curds and whey, I came like a tiger and shot off inside her now Miss Muffett won't play. Little Jack Horno Was watching a porno While eating his girlfriend out He stuck in his tongue and made the bitch cum SURPRISE she's a squirter. Gorgy Porgy pudding a pie Fucked his girlfriend till she died then he ate her dried up snatch Gorgy's a fucking necrophiliac Jack and Jill went up the hill To smoke some marijuana Jack got high unzipped his fly and said 'do you wanna?' Jill said yes and dropped her dress then they had some fun stupid Jill forgot the pill NOW they have a son Hey diddle diddle the cat took a piddle all over the bedside clock the little dog laughed to see such a thing, the cat has a little cock Jack be nimble Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candle stick Now Jacks in the hospital with a burnt fucking dick! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 04 Nov 08 - 08:51 AM oh dear! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: dick greenhaus Date: 03 Nov 08 - 10:58 AM Jack be quick, Jack be nimble Jack jumped over a phallic symbol |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,barttheanorak Date: 03 Nov 08 - 05:50 AM Reminds me of Mary had a little lamb Thought it rather silly Chucked it up into the air And caught it by its- Willie was a watchdog Lying in the grass Along came a bumblebee And stung him up his- Ask no questions Tell no lies Ever seen a policeman Doing up his- Flies are a nuisance Bees are worse And that's the end Of my silly little verse |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,coolguy Date: 13 Oct 08 - 03:15 AM Postman Spew Postman Spew Postman Spew and his black and white poo he flushed it down the dunny but then he felt all funny then he just comited suicide |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,d_j_yotta Date: 07 Oct 08 - 05:47 PM Sang to glory glory Hallelujah: mine eyes have seen the glory of the downfall of the school We have (missing word) all the teachers and we've broken every rule We broke in to the office and we tickled the principle Our truth is marching on Glory glory how peculiar teacher hit me with a ruler 'cause i bopped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine our truth is marching on -- We three kings of orient are trying to smoke a rubber cigar it was loaded it expoded now we're on yonder star -- My mum told me this one, so must have been around late 60's early 70's: Hot snot and goobie pie all mixed up with a dead man's eye mix it thick with an old man's stick and drink it quick with a cup of sick --- this one was popular late 80's early 90's: i'm going to the loo loo loo you can come too too too i'm gonna do a poo poo poo how about you? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Grimduke Date: 05 Oct 08 - 04:19 PM I remember this little anti-school dinners song... say what you will school dinners make you ill, the english armies gonna win the war, our school dinn-dinn's comes from pig bins out of town! Sung to the original tune of Jack Hargreaves Out of Town. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 05 Oct 08 - 02:19 PM Mary had a little lamb She thought it rather silly She threw it up into the air and caught it by its Willy was a bulldog sitting in the grass Along came a bee and stung him on his Ask no questions tell no lies I saw a policeman pulling up his Flies are a nusance, bee's are worse This is the end of my little verse Ooh! Aah! Ive lost my bra, I left it in my boyfriends car! Kermit the frog got a smack in the gob, For messing around with Miss Piggy He pulled down her knicks And squeezed her big tits And now shes got three little piggies! Mary had a little lamb She kept it in a bucket And everytime the lamb cried out The bulldog used to fuck it! Eeny meenie miney mo one: There goes the monkey running through the country fell down a dark hole Split his little arsehole What colour was the bloody blood? There was a vampire called Mabel Whose periods where very unstable Every full moon she'd pull out a spoon And drink herself under the table! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,machree01 Date: 23 Aug 08 - 07:57 AM Hey, diddle, diddle! The cat done a piddle, over the bathroom mat; The little dog laughed To see such fun, so he piddled all over the cat. ----------------------------- Mary had a little lamb, And the midwife Nearly died when she seen it. ----------------------------- There was a young girl called Breige? Who let a fart, when she sneezed? It hit off the wall, then went up to the sky, And came right down, and hit her in the eye. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: goatfell Date: 22 Aug 08 - 09:27 AM Mary had a little lamb the farmer shot it dead and now she takes it to school with her between two bits of bread |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,droptine Date: 21 Aug 08 - 03:36 PM jack and jill wentup the hill each with a buck and a quarter jill came down with two fifty what a whore! little boy blew, cause he needed the money! little miss muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey along came a spider and sat down beside her and said, "whats it the bowl bitch!!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Doug Chadwick Date: 03 Feb 08 - 04:32 AM Chas, There's a bit more to your rhyme. I remember it as: Yellow belly custard Green snot pie All mixed together with a dead dog's eye Spread it on a butty* Spread it nice and thick And wash it down with a cold cup of sick DC *For those who don't know butty = sandwich |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fidjit Date: 02 Feb 08 - 12:03 PM Cor that was a lot. Couldn't be bothered to go through them all. One I remember from my school days is : Green and Yellow Custard Snot and Boggey Pie All Mixed Together With A Dead Mans Eye. I think the girls used to skip rope to that one. Chas |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,anom Date: 02 Feb 08 - 01:36 AM country girls are pritty u should c dem dance wen they lift their legs up high u can see their micky was a bullfrog sitting on a rock along came a bumble bee and stung him on his cocktails and ginger ale 50 c a glass if u dont like it u can kiss my ask me no questions tell me no lies i saw 2 coppers doin u der flies are a newsence misquetos are worse this is the end of my dirty lil verse |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Jamjam Date: 01 Feb 08 - 09:22 PM Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack Ate food and blick blick blick blick She told her mother mother mother It taste like dick dick dick She went outside side side To puke away way way Then came Jack Jack Jack And f**cked her all day day day |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Jammy Date: 01 Feb 08 - 12:33 AM Okay: Jack was nimble Jack was quick and put out the candle stick. Mary tried and she wasn't slick, falling down it inserted like a dick |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Taliesin Date: 01 Jan 08 - 10:13 AM Here are a few. Most from Rhodesia in the sixties. I took my girl to the station to see the white train shunt. A piece of steel flew off the wheel and hit her in... The country boy from Germany was sitting on a rock. A bumblebee Flew off the trees and stung him on the... Coctails and ginger ale are hapenny a glass. If you do not like them, you can stick them up your... Ask your mother for sixpence to sing this song by heart. Jack is nimble. Jack is quick. But Jill prefers the candlestick. The last one is an Irish protestant hate speech playground song. My old man's an orangeman, no Fenian can deny. He loves to fly the orange flag the first day of July. He looks a lovely picture, Marching with the rope. He'd like to march right on to Rome and hang the fucking pope. I do not in any way endorse the above, but found it pertinent to your thread. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,George Henderson Date: 18 Dec 07 - 10:57 AM Old mother Reilly she got drunk/ and fell in the fire and burnt her rump/ She gave the kids a copper a piece/ to rub her old arse with candle grease. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Banjo Willy Date: 17 Dec 07 - 02:18 PM There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she could accommodate a rain barrel. Peas porridge hot, Peas porridge cold, Peas porridge in the pot, Nine days old. THAT'S pretty pees poorage. There was a young lad and his name was Billy. He leapt over a candle and burnt his willy. How silly. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Nanny Joe Date: 17 Dec 07 - 02:14 PM |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fred Maslan Date: 16 Dec 07 - 08:47 PM Algy met a bear The bear met Algy. The bear was bulgy And the bulge was Algy. Bessy met a Bus And the bus met Bessy. The bus was messy And the mess was Bessy. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,*^^*aussie*^^* Date: 16 Dec 07 - 06:46 PM Ok duno where all u ppl r from but here's 2 i'v grown up with in AUS!!!!! MARY had a little lamb she thought it rather silly she threw it up in the air and cought it by it's WILLY was a bulldog sitting in the grass down came a bee and stung him up the ASK no questions tell no lies i saw two police men doing up their FLIES are dirty fleas are worse this is the end of my dirty little verse!! AND........ Mary had a little skirt twas split right up the sides and every time that mary walked the boys could see her thighs Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front and every time that mary walked the boys could see her C*#@ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,james henaghan Date: 09 Oct 07 - 05:56 AM a yellow bird came walking by i coached him in with a pice of bread and i kicked that bastard in the head a puppy dog came walking by i coached him in with a piece of beef and i kicked that bastard in the tteath a prostitute came walking by i coached her in with a five pound note and i shoved my cock rite doown her throat a little lamb came walking by i coached it in with a pice of grass and i shoved my cock rite up its ass |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 01 Oct 07 - 11:49 AM Lets try that again without hitting the tab key. We three kings from orient are Smoking on a rubber cigar It was loaded and exploded (pause) We two kings from orient are, etc. Comet, it makes your teeth turn green Comet, it tastes like vaseline Comet, it makes you vomit, So use Comet, and vomit, today If your with your honey And her nose is runny And you think it's funny Don't laugh 'cause it's snot |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Neil D Date: 01 Oct 07 - 11:43 AM We three kings from orient are Smoking on a rubber cigar It was loaded and exploded |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Rock Girl Lily Date: 30 Sep 07 - 11:55 PM heres one Yankee Doodle went to town riding on granny hit a rock and lost his cock and now hes got a fanny. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: kendall Date: 30 Sep 07 - 07:08 AM Hickory Dickory Dock Two mice ran up her sock One stopped at her garter The other was smarter Hickory Dickory Dock. When I was in the service, we were all standing at attention for Captain's inspection. He was a stone faced old bastard and brooked no nonsense. I was in the front rank, and just as he approached, a guy behind me said in a barely audible voice: "There was an old womam who lived in a shoe, She had so many children her **** fell off." (* I hate that word) Guess who caught the Captain's attention? There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, She had so many children she diodn't know what to do, Obviously. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: bubblyrat Date: 30 Sep 07 - 05:22 AM It"s " You"ll never be a sailor if your balls hang low "-----also, it"s " Do you get a funny feeling when you bang them on the ceiling ?".---- or it was in 1963, anyway !! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Susan B Date: 29 Sep 07 - 07:11 PM The Georgie Best one was sung around Manchester in the late 60s as:- Georgie Best Superstar Walks like a woman And wears a bra. Anyway, my daughter inadvertently composed her own nasty rhyme at the tender age of 3. I hadn't realised that the tunes of "I had a little nutmeg" and Goosie Goosie Gander" were the same. She had muddled these up and added a dose of the book "The Little Postman", resulting in:- I had a little postman But nothing would he bear So I took him by the nutmegs And threw him down the stairs That one went down really well at playgroup - I think they were ready to send out Social Services to us! Night, night Susan B |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Pat Date: 29 Sep 07 - 05:39 PM This is bringing back some memories. Here's a couple... Georgie Best, superstar He wears frilly knickers And a brand new bra .......... We three kings of Orient are One in a taxi One in a car One on a scooter Beeping his hooter Following Ringo Starr ......... Does anybody remember the rest of - Ooh ahh I lost my bra and left my knickers in my boyfriend's car? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 21 Sep 07 - 01:34 AM You take the hatchet and I'll take the saw And we'll chop off the head of my mother-in-law |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Celtaddict Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:53 PM Rice Krispies? This 'storyline' sounds as if it was from World War II; were they making Rice Krispies then? I thought breakfast cereal was a post-WWII product. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,FuBar Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:50 PM Yup, me again. This time with requests: Does anyone know the 'hornpipe' parody lyrics? I can start it from memory, who can complete it? Do yer balls hang low Do you swing 'em to-and-fro Can ya tie 'em in a knot Can ya tie 'em in a bow Do ya get a funny feeling when yer hanging from the ceiling... (unable to remember final line of verse.) Unable to remember further verses either, or potential chorus. Oh, and the good-old Fraggle-Rock theme wasn't immune either: Down at Fraggle-Rock Grab a Fraggle by it's cock Chuck 'im in the air Catch 'im by 'is pubic-hair Swing 'im round yer head Make sure the fucker's dead! Grab another one, Shove a chainsaw up it's bum (Can't remember this line) Down at Fraggle-Rock! There may be further verses too, perhaps someone else remembers? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,FuBar Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:37 PM Here's more, as promised, and "it's a doozey": The masterful Taboo song as heard on coach-journeys for things like school-trips etc. (Also known as "Three German Officers") The tune (In case you hadn't worked it out) is "When Johnny Comes Marching Home". Enjoy!: Three German Officers in a tank, taboo, taboo, Three German Officers in a tank, taboo, taboo, Three German Officers in a tank, one to drive and two to w*nk, Taboo, tabaye, tab*llockyeye, tab*llockyaye, taboo. Three German Officers crossed the line, taboo, taboo, Three German Officers crossed the line, etc Three German Officers crossed the line to rape the women and drink the wine, Taboo, tabaye, etc They Stopped off at a way-side inn, etc They stopped off at a way-side inn, etc They stopped off at a way-side inn, knocked on the door and kicked it in, Taboo etc. The landlord had a maiden fair, etc The landlord had a maiden fair, etc The landlord had a maiden fair, with great big tits and long blonde hair, taboo etc They dragged her up the rickety stairs, etc They dragged her up the rickety stairs, etc They dragged her up the rickety stairs, by her single pubic hair, Taboo etc. They tied her down on to the bed, etc They tied her down on to the bed, etc They tied her down on to the bed, s*agged her hard until she was dead (told you it was twisted) Taboo etc The Padre thought it was a shame, etc The Padre thought it was a shame, etc The Padre thought it was a shame, and ******ed her back to life again. Three German Officers they got shot, etc Three German Officers they got shot, etc Three German Officers they got shot, two in the head and one in the c*ck, Taboo etc Three German Officers went to hell, etc Trhee German Officers went to hell, Three German Officers went to hel, ******ed the Devil and his wife as well, Taboo, tabaye, tab*llockyaye, tab*llocky eye, taboo! I also found this alternative version which is quite similar: Taboo (Three German Officers): Three German officers in a tank, taboo, taboo Three German officers in a tank, taboo, taboo Three German officers in a tank, One to drive and two to wank Chorus: Taboo, Tab-eye, Ta-bollocky-eye, Ta-bollocky-eye, Taboo Singing Nah, nah,nah,nah, rice krispies every day Get in, get out, stop fu**ing about, get in, get out of the rain Three German officers crossed the rhine, taboo, taboo Three German officers crossed the rhine, taboo, taboo Three German officers crossed the rhine, raped the women and drank the wine Chorus They came accross a wayside inn, taboo, taboo x2 They came accross a wayside in, pissed on the cat and walked right in Chorus The landlord had a daughter fair, taboo, taboo x2 The landlord had a daughter fair, the biggest tits and long blond hair. They took her up the rickety stairs, taboo, taboo(x2), they took her up the rickety stairs, and pulled out all her long blond hairs Chorus They tied her to the end of the bed, taboo, taboo(x2), they tied her to the end of the bed, and shagged her till she was nearly dead They took her down the leafy lane, taboo, taboo(x2), they took her down the leafy lane, and shagged her back to life again Chorus The land lord had a trusty gun, taboo, taboo x2 The landlord had a trusty gun, shot the barstards one by one Chorus (Sung slowly but speeds up quickly at the end of the verse) Three german officers went to hell, Taboo, Taboo x2 - (Sung slowly) Three german officers went to hell (the next bit sung fast) shagged the devils wife as well Chorus Taboo, Tab-eye, Ta-bollocky-eye, Ta-bollocky-eye, Taboo Singing Nah, nah,nah,nah, rice krispies every day Get in, get out, stop fu**ing about, get in, get out of the rain Sadly I can't claim I remembered the song verbatum, I cheated and found it online somewhere. Figured you guyz/galz would like it all the same. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,FuBar Date: 20 Sep 07 - 09:27 PM Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb But I've never seen her bear (/bare) Mary had a little blouse 'twas tatterd all to bits And everywhere that Mary went It showed her little tits! Mary had a little skirt 'Twas split right up the front And everywhere that Mary went ... She had to sit down all the time. (Yeah right.) Mary's lamb had foot'n'mouth Her father went and shot it But Mary's dad had shagged the lamb And now her mother's got it! Mary had a little lamb It's fleace was covered in lard And every step that Mary took She slipped back half a yard. Old mother hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch her dog Rover a bone, But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own. Here's an 'Arkalah' song (spelling?) I remember from 'Scouts. Substitute 'Arkalah' with anyone you hate provided it's 3 sylables: On top of old Smokey All covered in mud, There was Arkalah All covered in blood; A knife through her belly An axe in her head, (missing words here, possibly "it wasn't long before") I knew she was dead; I went to her funeral I went to her grave, Some people threw flowers I lobbed a grenade! And she went up, up, up And then she came down, down, down (more missing words, possibly "then she made a big hole") Right in the ground. I had a funny feeling She wasn't quite dead... So I got my Bazooka And blew off her head! I got more, but this post is long enough for now. I'll send more later, probably. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mick Tems Date: 03 Aug 07 - 01:59 AM "Taffy was a welshman Taffy was a thief Taffy came to our house And stole a leg of beef..." The nursery rhyme is derived from the Normans who invaded Wales, drove the Welsh back to the hills and occupied the fertile land. The Welsh resisted and formed raiding parties, carrying off the Normans' cattle and food to the safety and protection of the hills. One notable raider was Ifor Bach, who who lived above Caerffili and staged successful raids on the land around Cardiff. So now you know! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Spider EyeZz Date: 03 Aug 07 - 12:56 AM Here R Some HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE Hey diddle, diddle The cat took a piddle, All over the bedside clock. The little dog laughed to see such fun. Then died of electric shock HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle the cow jumped over the moon the little dog barfed to see such fun and ate it all up with a spoon POST MAN PAT Postman pat, Postman pat, Postman pat ran over his cat, blood and gut were flying Postman pat was crying That will teach him not to drink and drive 1000 STICKS OF DYNAMITE SITTING ON A WALL 1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall 1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall... There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no f**king wall HUMPTY DUMPTY Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the King's horses and all the King's man Couldn't give a FUCK 2 put him 2 gether again Roses are red viliots are blue they don't stink but you do NOW THIS ONES A BIT LONG BUT IT KINDA FUNNY THERE WAS AN OLD LADY There was an old lady who swallowed a poo i do not know why she swallowd that POO purhaps she'll spew, There was an old lady who swallowed a DUNNY that flushed N gushed N made her smell funny she swallowd the DUNNY 2 catch the POO i do not know why she swallowd that POO purhaps she'll spew, There was an old lady who swallowed a PLUMMER could you get any dummer 2 swallow a PLUMMER she swallowd the PLUMMER 2 fix the DUNNY that flushed N gushed N made her smell funny she swallowd the DUNNY to catch the POO i do not know why she swallowd that POO purhaps she'll spew, There was an old lady who burped with great force she spude of corse LOL Hope This Is Funny ALWAYS SPIDER_EYEZZ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Snuffy Date: 01 Aug 07 - 06:58 PM .... I went to Taffy's house Taffy was in bed So I picked up a hammer And whacked him on the head |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,ifor Date: 01 Aug 07 - 12:29 PM Taffy was a welshman Taffy was a thief Taffy came to our house And stole a leg of beef I went to Taffy's house Taffy was not at home ... cant remember the rest!!!! ifor |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Edmond Date: 01 Aug 07 - 11:24 AM To the tune of 'These Foolish Things' A wanky hankie in a London taxi ; A pair of underpants gone hard and waxy And how they cling - these foolish things, etc The dirty laughter from the gents' urinals The quack abortionist who'd failed his finals The foetid odour of a used French letter ; A dose of clap that simply won't get better And how it stings, etc And when you stripped off in the bedroom after I saw your tits and pissed meself with laughter For how the left one swings, etc |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Edmond Date: 01 Aug 07 - 08:23 AM Yankee Doodle went to town On a cart and pony. He let a fart that split the cart And paralysed the pony. Ann Maguire pissed in the fire The fire was too hot so she pissed in the pot. The pot was too round so she pissed on the ground. The ground was too hard so she pissed in the yard. The yard was too fat so she pissed on the cat - The cat ran away with the piss on its back. Davy Crockett built a rocket. The rocket went "Bang !" His balls went "Clang !" And he found his prick in his pocket. Considering it was a Catholic school . . . |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Snuffy Date: 25 Jul 07 - 09:10 AM Mick, I've always heard it as: Pardon me for being so rude It was not me, it was my food It just popped up to say "hello" And now it's gone back down below. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mick Tems Date: 25 Jul 07 - 07:32 AM Mary had a little lime And then a little gin And everywhere that Mary went She didn't know she'd bin ................ Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb I've also seen her bear .................. (Following a belch at the dinner table - a South Wales rhyme) Pardon me for being so rude It was not me, it was my food And if I did not make amends It would come out the other end ...................... (Another South Wales rhyme, upon seeing a plate of delicious food) Yum yum Pig's bum! ....................... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: goatfell Date: 25 Jul 07 - 07:17 AM that last one sounds like one of the goons would say |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 25 Jul 07 - 05:39 AM This one comes from Half Man Half Biscuit: Mary had a little lamb The doctors were astounded And everywhere that Mary went Gynecologists surrounded. And this is from Maurice Condie: There was a young lady from Bude Who went for swim in a pond A man in a punt Stuck his pole in the water And says "you can't swim here, it's private." |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,lestamore Date: 24 Jul 07 - 08:20 PM this has probably been mentioned miss mary had a steamboat the steamboad had a bell miss mary went to heaven and the steamboat went to.. hello operator please give me number nine and if you disconnect me I'll chop off your.. behind the 'frigerator there was a peice of glass miss suzy sat upon it and it went right up her.. Ask me no more questions I'll tell you no more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their.. flies are in the city bees are in the park and 25 boys and 25 girls are kissing in the D A R K D A R K Dark It's dark just like a movie and a movie's like a show a show play's on the TV set and that's not all I know I also know my mama I also know my pa I also know my sister with the 47 bra! Gee.. I can't beleive i remembered that |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,ibo Date: 24 Jul 07 - 02:28 PM little jack horner sat in the corner eating an apple pie he put in his thumb,and pulled out a plum and said WHATS A F'/;ING PLUM DOING IN AN APPLE PIE |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: SINSULL Date: 24 Jul 07 - 02:23 PM Mary had a little lamb With mint jelly. Little Miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider Who sat down beside her And said "Is this seat taken?" Ching Ching Chinaman Sittin' on a fence Tryin' to make a dollar Out of sixteen cents. Rich girls wear ruffles on their pants Poor girls wear them plain If you don't wear none at all You should be ashamed. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Edmond Date: 24 Jul 07 - 10:57 AM Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the King's horses and all the King's man Couldn't give a FUCK. Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow ? With silver bells and cockle shells And lots of horse shit. Simple Simon met a pieman Going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the pieman "What have you got there ?" "Pies, you daft twat." Yellow matter custard, green snot pie All mixed up with a dead dog's eye. Spread it on a butty, nice and thick Swallow it down with a cup of cold sick. Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been ? I've been up to London to see the Queen. Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there? Pissed on the Queen's carpet, shat on the Queen's chair. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 19 Jul 07 - 08:21 PM Circa early 1960's west coast USA. When three males are walking, side-by-side down a sidewalk, road, or trail:
Hey....Left ball! Hey....Right ball! Who's the dick in the middle? Quickly followed by both outsiders punching "the dick" in the arms.
Sincerely, |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,.gargoyle Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:54 AM Probably posted many years past in another thread, circa 1920's, western USA.
If a pig drinks a quart of buttermilk before he starts,
Sincerely, |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Celtaddict Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:53 AM Our version (Oklahoma, 1950s) of 'Greasy Grimy Gopher Guts' went Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts Mutilated monkey meat, dirty little birdy feet, Sneezed-up snake snot, bashed in beetle brains, And me without a spoon (but I got a straw!) Actually I more often heard 'mutilated monkey meat, petrified parrot urp' which sounded suitably disgusting but did not rhyme. ('Urp' was kid-colloquial for 'vomit') And we ended all the almost-rhyme ones (--- had a steamboat etc.) with Behind our icebox is a piece of glass If you sit upon it, you will cut your Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies, If you don't open up your mouth, you won't catch any flies. I wonder why all the ones above mention glass but if you sit upon it you will break your [ask]? Cut makes more sense. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,youngest one Date: 19 Jul 07 - 12:39 AM you sing this one while placing your hands in the spots or pointing which ever... Milk, Milk ---> (o)(o) \ / / \ / \ Lemon Aid ---> ( \/ ) Around the corner fudge is made, stick your finger up the hole, yummy yummy tootsie roll..... (ewww thats grose I cant believe we sang this shit...) "Freak" you can hit me from the front, and you can hit me from the back, I'm a just freak while in the sack...... roll me over, and filp me up, fill my mouth just like a cup... all dressed up, or in the buff, just remember I LIKE IT ROUGH!!!!!!!! Jenn W. 07-07 i totally just made this one on the spot....it may not be for kids to sing... but it is still a good one...I shall add this one to my little book of poems...... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Cluin Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:34 PM Two Dutchmen, Two Dutchmen Are swimming in a ditch One called the other A dirty son of a... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,youngest one Date: 18 Jul 07 - 11:29 PM They are rhymes for "patty-cake" type games that girls play… Miss Suzy Miss Suzy had a steam boat, The steam boat had a bell,(ding ding) Miss Suzy went to heaven , The steam boat went to… Hello operator, Give me number nine, And if you disconnect me, Ill kick you from…. Behind the "frigerator" , There was a piece of glass, Miss Suzy sat upon it, And broke her little… Ask me no more questions, Tell me no more lies, The boys are in the bathrooms, Zipping up their … Flies are in the meadows, The bees are in the park, Miss Suzy and her boyfriend, Are kissing in the, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K Dark, Dark, Dark Miss Marry Mack Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack All Dressed in Black, Black, Black, With silver buttons, buttons, buttons, All down her back, back, back, She asked her mother, mother, mother, For fifty cents, cents, cents, To see the elephants, elephants, elephants, Jump the fence, fence, fence, They jumped so high, high, high, They touched the sky, sky, sky, They never came back, back, back, Till the fourth of July, July, July. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Nikkiwi Date: 22 Jun 07 - 06:11 PM Heres one from down under Spider spider oh so small Climbing climbing up the wall You didn't it'd just been plastered so now you're stuck - you stupid b*stard And one we used for "counting out" for teams etc it, dit, (dog/cow/bull)-shit, you are not it |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Scorpio Date: 21 Jun 07 - 08:19 PM Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was black as soot. All over Mary's bread and jam its sooty foot it put. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 21 Jun 07 - 02:45 PM mary mary quite contrairy how does your gerden grow i live in a flat you stupid twat so how the fuck should i know lol we swear alot over in England |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,calster Date: 02 Jun 07 - 09:25 PM your mother is a ditch who likes to clean her ditch, because of this she makes a football pitch, she plays with the lad and fucks you uncle mitch haha basteds |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ed Date: 13 Feb 06 - 01:31 PM Here are two; have you ever wondered when the hearse goes by what they do to you when you die? they wrap you up in a big white sheet and put you in a hole about 6 feet deep. the worms crawl in the worms crawl out the ants play peanknuckle on your snout and then you turn a greasy green and pus comes out like whipping cream thats why campbells soup tastes mmm-mmm good! three german officers in a tank taboo! taboo! three getman officers in a tank taboo! taboo! three german officers in a tank thats one to drive and two to wank taboo tabai to-bollocky-i to-bollocky-i taboo! they came across a wayside inn taboo! etc and pissed on the matt and walked right in... the landlord had a daughter fair with golden-brown pubic hair they dragged her up the ricketey stair and fucked her till she lay there dead they dragged her down the backstreet alley and fucked her back to life again! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 22 Feb 05 - 10:19 AM According to my father, Jewish boys in New York City, ca. 1900, recited Jesus Christ Went to scheiss Behind an apple tree. A snake came past And bit him on the ass And blamed it all on me. An allegory & two Biblical allusions -- pretty good for naughty boys! --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: Applause makes a good time to fart. :|| |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ras Date: 22 Feb 05 - 08:33 AM Hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor The little dog laughed so much at that He cocked up his leg and pissed on the cat School dinners, school dinners Mushy chips, mushy chips Soggy semolina, soggy semolina I feel sick, toilet quick It's too late, done it on the plate |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,manda Date: 22 Feb 05 - 12:02 AM fuck fuck fuck a duck screw a kangaroo fingerbang an orangutang orgy at the zoo |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bonnie Date: 21 Feb 05 - 05:02 PM This isn't nasty, it's really kind of sweet. My dad taught me all of these. There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back by the barn where he gave her a Lecture on horses and chickens and eggs And that's when he told her she had beautiful Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he'd like to take in his Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe, Covered all over with sweet violets. The girl told the farmer that he'd better stop 'Coz she'd call her father and he'd call a Taxi and get there before very long 'Coz someone was doing his little girl Right for a change and that's when he said, Son if you'll marry you're better off Single for it is my belief Marriage will being nothing but Sweet violets, etc. Now that you're all going "aw" here's another one my dad taught me. My Bonnie has tuberculosis My Bonnie has only one lung She coughs up her blood in a basket And dries it and chews it for gum Dentyne, Dentyne, she dries it and chews it for gum My grandmother sells prophylactics She punctures the heads with a pin My grandfather does the abortions My god how the money rolls in Rolls in, rolls in, my god how the money rolls in rolls in This is to the tune of "Colonel Bogey's March" Hitler, he only had one ball Goering had two, but they were small Himmler was somewhat similar but Goebbels had no balls at all. Here's another goody about Hitler Whistle while you work Hitler is a jerk Mussolini bit his weenie Now it doesn't work. This is to the tune of Freres Jacques: Marijuana, Marijuana LSD, LSD College kids're making it High school kids're taking it Why can't we? Why can't we? |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bernard Date: 20 Feb 05 - 03:10 PM Mary had a little lamb The doctor was surprised. But when Old MacDonald had a farm He couldn't believe his eyes! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 20 Feb 05 - 02:52 PM A variation from a rhyme above Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone As she bent over, Rover he drove her Cause he had a bone of his own. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Chris Green Date: 20 Feb 05 - 02:43 PM I shot an arrow in the air It fell to earth I not where... I lose all my fucking arrows that way! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Date: 20 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM Macha: I think you're looking for Sailors' Hornpipe Words CHEERS Nigel |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Doug Chadwick Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:39 AM Hickory dickory dock The mouse ran up the clock The clock struck one Castrated the other Hickory dickory dock Ding Dong Dell Pussy's in the well Who put him in? I did - I hate cats! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Suz Date: 20 Feb 05 - 09:22 AM Can anyone remember the rest of this little gem? Mary had a little lamb She thought it was quite silly, So she threw him in the air & caught him by his Willy was a ... I can't remember the rest! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,psirusmojo Date: 15 Feb 05 - 11:14 PM A little bird with a little bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread Then I crushed his little head! Then a bigger bird with a bigger bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread then I crushed his bigger head! Then the biggest bird with the biggest bill landed on my window sill I lured him in with a piece of bread then I crushed his biggest head! The moral of the story is... if you got no bread, you get no head! Roll roll roll a blunt twist it at the end light it up and take a puff then pass it to a friend old mother hubbard went to the cubbard to get her dog a bone when she bent over, rover took over and had a little bone of his own |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: annamill Date: 08 Feb 05 - 03:45 PM Old one! A funeral is a gay affair, with friends and relatives everywhere. They shut you up in a mahogany box and cover you up with stones and rocks. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out the worms play pinocle on your snout. *******************************************8 Speaking of greasy, grimy gopher guts... in the DT Great, Green Gobs of Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts Great, Green Gobs of Greasy, Grimy Gopher Guts (Tom Glazer) CHO: Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts, Mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet. Great, green gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts, And me without a spoon. Some people eat hamburger meat while others like potatoes, And some must chew their Irish stew along with ripe tomatoes. I can't understand why in ev'ry land, they serve such peculiar dishes. For wherever I go, they always say "No!" when I tell them what my wish is. I scream for ... (Chorus) I can pay my way in a French café which is big and quite expensive, Where the diners dine and the wine is fine, but I'm always apprehensive. When the menu comes, I twiddle my thumbs at the list of fancy dishes: Caviar and steaks, champagne and cake, is never what my wish is. I beg for ... (Chorus) In the life to come, I intend to hum this hymn to old Saint Peter: I won't need much, when my harp I touch, and become a heavenly eater. I won't ask for money or milk and honey, and my voice will never falter While the trumpets blare on the Golden Stair as I stand at the Shining Altar. I yell for ... (Chorus) (Tag:) And me without a spoon! Yuck! copyright Tom Glazer Love, Annamill |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 08 Feb 05 - 10:07 AM Joe F: I know that one as: When the weather's hot and sultry That's no time to commit adult'ry But when the frost is on the punkin, THAT's the time for peter-dunkin! Dave Oesterreich |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Macha Date: 07 Feb 05 - 11:24 PM Does every one here know the song "Do Your Ears Hang Low?"? The men who origanly sang the song were not singing about their ears. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fliss Date: 07 Feb 05 - 07:00 PM Donald Duck did a muck Behind the kitchen door Mrs Duck wiped it up And then he did some more |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: vectis Date: 06 Feb 05 - 07:51 PM Mary had a little lamb Her daddy shot it dead And now it goes to school with her Between two bits of bread Hey diddle diddle The cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor The little dog laughed to see such fun So the cat did a little bit more |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fliss Date: 06 Feb 05 - 06:33 PM Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs Blood on the carpet, and fur on the mat Christopher Robin's castrated the cat Lizzie Borden took an axe And gave her mother forty whacks. And when she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one. Mary had a little lamb To prove it was not silly She tossed him up into the air And caught him by his nose :) Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief, Taffy came to our house and stole a leg of beef. I went to Taffys house Taffy werent at home He was down the garden chewing on the bone. fliss xx |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Autotaz Date: 06 Feb 05 - 04:50 PM Oh mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get Poor rover some bread; But when she bent over rover took over and she got bread instead. Messed up.. I didn't quit get my signature on this. It another one I almost forgot! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 06 Feb 05 - 04:41 PM Oh mother hubbard went to the cupboard to get Poor rover some bread; But when she bent over rover took over and she got bread instead. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Layah Date: 04 Feb 05 - 12:16 PM Miss Susie had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell THe steamboat went to heaven Miss susie went to Hello operator Please give me number nine And if you disconnect me I'll chop off your Behind the fridgerator There was a piece of glass Miss susie sat upon it and broke her little ask me no more questions I'll tell you know more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies are in the meadow (I forgot this line) Miss susies in (fogot this word too) Kissing in the D A R K D A R K dark dark dark There was an alternate ending that I also don't remember much of. (?s like a movie, a movie's like a show, a show is like a picture show and that is all I know) That's as suggestive as any of my childhood rhyms got. I'm amazed you got away with songs with actual swearing in them, and things suggestive enough I never would have gotten the joke. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Joe_F Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:39 AM Little boy kneels by the sitting-room fire, Little face flushed with abnormal desire. Meow! Meow! Oh, what is that? Christopher Robin is sodding the cat. --- Joe Fineman joe_f@verizon.net ||: When an idea is wanting, a word can always be found to take :|| ||: its place. :|| |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Barbara Date: 04 Feb 05 - 01:40 AM To the tune of "Joy to the World" Joy to the world that Santa's dead. We barbequed his head. And what about his body? We flushed it down the potty, And round and round it goes, And round and round it goes, And row-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ownd it goes. Blessings, Barbara, who learned it from her fourth grade daughter. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Swave N. Deboner Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:35 PM Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, My husband will be home in 5 minutes! *** Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating his girlfriend, Mary He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plumb And said, "Where the fuck is your cherry?!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,John, Lancashire Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:05 PM I took my girlfriend to the station / to see the chuffers shunt. / A piece of coal flew out one day / and hit her in the ... Country girls are very sweet / but also very strict / they put their arms around your waist / and fiddle with your ... Dicky was a bulldog lying in the grass / up came a bumble-bee and stung him on his ... Ask no questions, tell no lies / Have you ever seen a Chinaman buttoning up his ... Flies are a menace, bugs are even worse / and that is the end of this cheeky little verse. Three German officers in a tank, Parley-voo. Three German officers in a tank, Parley-voo, Three German officers in a tank, Two to drive and one to push, Inky-pinky parley-voo. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:42 PM Old mother Hubbard went to th cupboard, To get the postman a letter, When she got there, the cupboard was bare, So they had it without! It was better. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:55 PM Mary had a little hen, She kept it in a bucket. Cause every time she let it out, The rooster used to chase it round and round the barnyard, but he never caught it cause that little hen was just too fast! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Carlisle101 Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:42 PM On top of a smoggy, all covered in sand I shot my poor teacher with a red rubber band. I shot her with pleasure I shot her with pride You couldn't have missed her She was 50 ft wide. I went to the funeral, I went to the grave Some people thrugh flowers I through a grannade. Her body whent up her body whent down her body whent Splattt all over the ground. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Big Jim from Jackson Date: 03 Feb 05 - 05:43 PM Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress. When she got there, the cupboard was bare. ---and so was her daughter, I guess! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bob Coltman Date: 03 Feb 05 - 03:16 PM Lucy - am I the only one whose curiosity is whetted? Please, let's have the Vampire Named Mabel! Bob |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Chip2447 Date: 03 Feb 05 - 02:16 PM when you see a hearse go by you may be the next to die. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out. the worms play pinnochle in your snout. Your eyes bug out, Your teeth fall out, your hair turns into saurkraut. Yum, yum, gimme a spoon. Chip2447 |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:25 AM Little fly upon the wall Ain't you got no clothes at all? Ain't you got no Ma and Pa Take that, you bastard (action: swat the fly) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: susu Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:57 AM A little bird with a little bill hopped upon my window sill I led him in with a piece of bread Then I crushed his little head! Late one night when we were all in bed Old Lady Leary Left a Lantern in the shed and when the cow kicked it over it winked it's eye and said "They'll be a hot time in the old town tonight." "Fire!" "Fire!" "Fire!" (now say it backwards) Night one late in bed we were all in Lady old Leary Left the shed in the lantern and when the kick cow'd it over it's eye and winked and said they'll be a time hot in the town old tonight "Erif!" "Erif!" Erif!" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:48 AM A few more remembered from my youth, which don't seem to have been posted yet Mary had a little lamb 'twas full of fun and frolics And every time the music played She kicked it in the earhole Jack and Jill went up the hill There was no-one in the vicinity Jack came down less half-a-crown And Jill less her virginity For US readers, the Crown and Half-Crown were old coins. A Crown was worth a quarter of a Pound sterling, or 5 shillings. Half a crown was worth one eighth of a pound, or two shillings and six pence. It was colloquially known as a half a dollar, because that was its approximate value in the good old days of four dollars to the pound. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: fogie Date: 03 Feb 05 - 06:32 AM Little boy sits on the lavatory pan, Slowly caressing his little old man, Flip flop into the tank, Christopher Robin is having a Now we are no longer 6! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Weasel Books Date: 02 Feb 05 - 04:23 PM Mother Goose contains more than enough nasty ones. For instance: Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief, Taffy leaned came up to our house and stole a side of beef. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:14 PM A modern one from one Richard Digance. Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of Rye, Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie, When the pie was opened, a shrivelled blackbird spat, "Oh! come on lads, a joke's a joke, what rotten sod did that?" Well it made me laugh. Don T. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Fidjit Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:11 PM Green and Yellow custard Snot and Bogey pie All mixed together With a dead man's eye Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen Mary's little lamb But, I've never seen her bare. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Teresa Date: 02 Feb 05 - 03:26 AM Mary had a little lamb, and tied it to the heater Every time it turned around it burned its little peter peter pumpkin-eater had a wife and couldn't keep her, etc. Push the button, turn the crank, Out comes a German army tank. Push the button, pull the chain Out comes a chocolate choo-choo train! (said faster and faster): I smart fella; I fella smart. Tra-la-la boom-dee-ay, I'll scare your pants away, And while you're standing there, I'll take your underwear. (to the tune of the Battle Hymn of the Republic)" I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot. I wear my pink pajamas in the winter when it's not. And sometimes in the springtime, and sometimes in the fall, I crawl between the sheets with nothing on at all!. This isn't nasty, but I love it. I think it's a Shel Silverstein-ism: Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one, and the other two escaped with minor injuries. Teresa |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Autotaz Date: 02 Feb 05 - 02:36 AM Old Mcdonald sittin on a bench, Beating his meat with a Monkey wrench; The Monkey wrench slipped and hit him in the Ball, he peed all over his overalls. Mary had a little lamb She also had a duck She put them on the mantlepiece To see if they would fuck. Nobody love me Everybody Hates me Guess I'll go eat worms big fat juicy ones little bitty skinny ones watch them wiggle and Squirm The worms crawl in the worms crawl out though the stomach and out the snout then the eyes turn Glossy Green and Damn me without a straw! Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch poor rover a bone, but when she bent over rover took over because he had a bone of his own. I wish I was a wooden boy, a wooden boy, a wooden boy; If I was a wooden boy I be your woody too! Their onces was a man from Nantucker; who had a dick so long he could suck it; He wiped off his chin with a silly grin; And said, if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Seth from Olympia Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:48 PM My daughter recently brought home a book from the library entitled "Greasy,Grimy, Gopher Guts" which has all this stuff and more(and more and more....) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: pavane Date: 08 Dec 01 - 04:52 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet her knickers all tattered and torn It wasn't the spider That sat down beside her But little boy blue with his horn |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Bluegrass Granny Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:59 AM Mary had a little lamb She tied him to a heater And every time he turned around He burned his little peter! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: wysiwyg Date: 08 Dec 01 - 11:51 AM There goes the PC-- Up we go into the wild blue yonder CRASH! Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, CRIPPLED! ~S~ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 08 Dec 01 - 10:57 AM Mary had a little watch, She swallowed it one day. The doctor gave her Ex-Lax To pass the time away. Mary took the Ex-Lax, But the time it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too. Cf.: Of all the fishes in the seas, The strangest is the bass. It climbs into the tops of trees And slides down on its hands and knees To frolic in the grass. That, however, was probably composed by a grownup. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Souter Date: 08 Dec 01 - 03:40 AM I always heard Miss Mary had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell Miss Mary went to heaven, but the steamboat went to... but we ended it Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies The boys are in the bedroom, Pulling down their Flies are in the bedroom, bees are in the grass Not sure how we ended it, my (foster) sister can make it REALLY dirty at the end. Unfortunately, I can't remember the words. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 08 Dec 01 - 12:03 AM Two Irishmen, two Irishmen were digging in a ditch, And one called the other a dirty son of a Peter Murphy, Peter Murphy, sitting on a dock. Along came a bumblebee and stung him on the Cocktail, ginger ale, five cents a glass. If you do not like it, you may ram it up your Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. If you get hit with a pail of shit, please close your eyes. *Almost* equally weak. %^) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:32 PM Oops, too many line breaks! Sorry. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 07 Dec 01 - 10:30 PM Sharon, I don't know what part of Philly you grew up in, but in the Northeast in the early 60s we said: My mother and your mother were hanging out clothes My mother punched your mother right in the nose What color was the blood? (Etc.) Then there was this one: Lulu had a steamboat The steamboat had a bell Lulu went to heaven And the steamboat went to Hello Operator, get me Number 9 If you disconnect me I'll kick you in the Behind the refrigerator There was some broken glass Lulu stepped upon it And broke her little Ask me no more questions I'll tell you no more lies Lulu was a Girl Scout And a Girl Scout never lies. (I always thought the ending on that one was a bit weak, but that's the way I heard it.) Aloha, Mark |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: AliUK Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:31 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill To get a roll of cheese. Jack came down with a grin on his face and his trousers round his knees. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Bill D Date: 07 Dec 01 - 09:22 PM Mary had a little watch, She swallowed it one day. And so she took some castor oil To pass the time away..... ..But the time it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, Just look up Mary's......Uncle Charlie, he has a VERY nice Grandfather's clock which keeps perfect time. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:33 PM to: Dharmabum I see London I see France I see teacher's underpants Are they blue or are they pink, I don't know but they sure stink! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: SharonA Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:32 PM Variation of "enny-meeny-miney-moe" for choosing the person who will be "It" for a playground game: (potential "Its" gather in a circle) My mother and your mother had a big fight. My mother knocked your mother clean out of sight. What color blood came out, red or blue? (At this point, the person to whom the speaker is pointing must choose "red" or "blue") R-E-D spells red (or B-L-U-E spells blue) And you are not go-ing to be "It." (At this point, the person to whom the speaker is pointing leaves the circle and the rhyme starts again) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:31 PM |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Ivan Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:22 PM Jessie McGuire she pee'd in the fire The fire was too wee so she peed in the sea The sea was too wide so she peed in the Clyde And a' the wee fishes swam up her backside (Scottish early fifties) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: running.hare Date: 07 Dec 01 - 02:01 PM "we break up we break, we dont care if school blows up, the'll be no mre english, no more french, no more sitting on the old school bench. If the teacher interfears, hang her up & box her ears, If that does not do the trick, Dinamite will do it Quick. Teacher teacher on the chair, I can see your underwear, Is it black or is it white? Ohh my god it's dinamite." (the only problem out 1st school teachers had with that was they made us sing "gosh" rather than "god" I'm sure I'll think of more later :¬) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Gervase Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:59 AM Mary had a litle pig And it was always grunting. She tied it to a five-bar gate And kicked its little head in Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg, A yard above your knee.. ...One red one, one white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And the hairs on her dickey-di do Came down to her knee... Bloody hell, those came back wafting back down the back passage of my memory like a bad smell! Micca's right, though - the Opies are the best starting-off point for anything like this. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dharmabum Date: 07 Dec 01 - 07:32 AM This was a big hit in 3rd grade.
Scabs Sandwiches
Scabs sandwiches with puss on top
Teacher Teacher I declare
I see Paris I see France DB. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,T.C Date: 07 Dec 01 - 06:58 AM Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? Never you mind you nosey Bastard? Little Jack Horner Sat in the corner Because he had a square arse! |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Hrothgar Date: 07 Dec 01 - 12:08 AM Nothing like sectarian bigotry: From the Catholic school kids to the state (that's public, non-sectarian) school kids - Catholics, Catholics, ring the bell, While the States march to hell. The response - Catholics, Catholics, aitting on a log Eating the belly out of a frog. There are more. I'll work on it. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: ddw Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:51 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill Each with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two and a half Don't think they went up for water |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Abby Sale Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:30 PM That last Guest was me, unsigned, for some reason. But now I'm resigned. Ah, many good memories coming back but already posted. We had as a last line for the same Jack & Jill: Did you thing they went up for water? Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, Eating her sister. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:21 PM My favorite for rhyming-it-like-it-is was: Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells And one fucking petunia. I think most all were like that - just a take on a known rhyme, nothing all new. Maybe I'll remember a few more. Yes, Opie is excellent and Randolph's Pissing in the Snow has a number, too. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:51 PM Curmudgeon: A fuller version:
Long and thin goes too far in |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: ddw Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:40 PM
Little Miss Muffet
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
Little Jack Horner
|
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Mark Cohen Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:16 PM Mary had a little lamb The doctors were surprised But when Old MacDonald had a farm They nearly shit a brick Aloha, Mark |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: curmudgeon Date: 06 Dec 01 - 09:29 PM Long and thin goes too far in And doesn't please the ladies. Short and thick will do the trick And bring out proper babies. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Giac Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:39 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And she mashed the bastard with a spoon. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Morticia Date: 06 Dec 01 - 08:35 PM Ding dong dell, pussy's in the well But we put disinfectant in So we don't mind the smell |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Hawker Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:48 PM Another Mary one - Mary had a little sheep With that sheep she went to sleep The sheep turned out to be a ram... Mary had a little lamb! I know one about a vampire called Mabel, but its not very nice at all!!!!! Nice to see you all again - had a virus!!!!! Lucy |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Barracuda Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:28 PM to Keltik: But I had a straw so I ate it all! I remember a jump rope rhyme: Cinderella dressed in Yella Went downtown to see her fella On the way her girdle busted How many people were disgustd 1 - 2 - 3 etc. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel.Parsons Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:22 PM Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candle stick Alas poor Jack should've jumped higher Goodness Gracious, great balls of fire Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear, I've often seenher little lamb, But I've never seen her bare! Mary had a little bear, She treated it so kind, And everywhere that Mary went, You'd see her bare behind! Mary had a little dress, The skirt was split in half. And every step that Mary took, The boys would see her calf. Mary had another dress, Split right up the front.. But she didn't wear that one! Nigel Parsons |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: bill\sables Date: 06 Dec 01 - 07:17 PM A couple I remember were; Old mother Reily had a fine cow To milk it to milk it she never knew how She pulled it's tail instead of it's tit And old mother Reily got covered in shit Old King Cole was a merry old soul He played with his soldiers in bed But when he was tired of his majors and generals He played with his privates instead Rule Britania marmalade and jam Five Chinese crackers up your arse hole Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bill |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: lady penelope Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:55 PM Gooey, gooey custard Snot and bogey pie All mixed together with a dead dog's eye Put it in the oven And bake it nice and quick And wash it all down with a cool cup of sick! Ah, primary school poetry. My alternative Mary rhyme...........
Mary had a little lamb TTFN M'Lady P. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:46 PM Nebuchadnezzar, the king of the Jews, Pulled off his stockings, but left on his shoes. Old Mr Kelly had a pimple on his belly. His wife cut it off, and it tasted like jelly. There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children -- she didn't know what to do, evidently. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school. We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule. We have battered down the office door and killed the principule. The brats are marching home. Glory, glory hallelujah! Teacher hit me with a ruler. I hit her on the bean with a rotten tangerine, And the juice came trickling down. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Sorcha Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:31 PM Good grief--you guys know all kinds of badnastyshit, don't you? All I can remember is: Here comes the bride, Big, fat and wide.........there is more, I think. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: The Walrus Date: 06 Dec 01 - 06:08 PM Little boy sits at the foot of the stairs, Clutched in his little hand, little brown hairs, Oooh look, What's that on the mat? Christopher-Robin's just doctored the cat. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Keltik Date: 06 Dec 01 - 05:11 PM from the mid 70's in maryland....
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
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Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Micca Date: 06 Dec 01 - 05:04 PM Lttle Willie from his mirror licked the Mercury right off Thinking in his childish error ,it would cure the Whooping cough At his funeral his mother brightly said to Mrs Brown "'twas a chilly day for Willie when the Mercury went down" |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Arbuthnot Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:58 PM I'll put a real post in later; needs to be composed off line because I know a lot of relevant stuff, but -
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, - Judge Dread (Big Six) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: WickedLad Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:54 PM LITTLE WILLIE Little Willie hung his sister She was dead before we missed her "Willie's always up to tricks, Ain't he cute? He's only six," Little Willie, in the best of sashes, Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes. By and by the room grew chilly, But noone liked to poke up Willie
and
TIS SWEET TO ROAM |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Liz the Squeak Date: 06 Dec 01 - 04:22 PM Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry. When the boys came out to play, He kissed them as well, he's funny that way! or
Hey diddle diddle, the cat did a piddle Ah, lovely days! LTS |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:24 PM Or even bugged me:-O |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 03:23 PM Mrs G came up with the goods as usual -
Nebuchadnezzar the King of the Jews Glad about that - it would have bigged me all night! Cheers DtG |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: wysiwyg Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:31 PM One day Hardi's mind slipped a cog, and out came: Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider and climbed up inside her and said what a good boy am I. There is a certain logic to it, and almost a music post, if you think about it. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:30 PM Ahhhh - thats the one weepiper! But it does have more. Memory in overdrive... When the swearing began to stop... No! Gone again! Anyone else know it? Just looked up the spelling in my old encyclopedia btw - Nebuchadnezzar or Nebuchadrezzar. He was , apparantly, 'the greatest of the Babylonian kings.' I never knew that! Cheers DtG |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: weepiper Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:18 PM Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jill forgot to take her pill and now she's got a daughter. Dave the Gnome, my Nan used to sing me the Nebuchudnezzar (sp?) one, I remember it as: Nebuchudnezzar the king of the Jews Bought himself a pair of shoes When the shoes began to wear Nebuchudnezzar began to swear, swear, swear, swear... |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: catspaw49 Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:11 PM Well, they ain't exactly circulating on the schoolyards, but for sheer stupid and nasty, it's hard to beat Andrew "Dice" Clay with immortals like:
Jack be nimble Others from his "act" are HERE The only one of his that I know for a fact WAS making the schoolyard rounds at least 40 years ago is a bit different than listed there. I remember it quite well:
Old Mother Hubbard Spaw
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Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 02:08 PM Bear in mind of course that kids can be, as the title suggests, nasty little buggers! I guess we knew no better then though. Some of the rhymes would be very un-pc today and if I heard my kids saying them they would get a clip round the lug'ole! (Well, not now - they are bigger than me;-)) The reason I mention it is that I just remembered these as well -
And the lord said unto Moses That also brought to mind another biblical classic (hopefully not as insulting!)
I saw Esaw, sitting on a see-saw and the clasic monologue about Daniel that I think has already been discussed on this forum (Shot! Shouted Daniel. Shit! Shouted the King. And in those days the Kings words were his commands so ten thousand arseholes ponted in an easterly direction...) |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 Dec 01 - 01:52 PM My brother Billy had ten foot Willy and he showd it to the girl next door She thought it was a snake and she hit it with a rake and now it's only five foot four.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Mary had a little lamb
One-two-three alera
Anna-Maria peed on the fire Eeeeeh - good old days. Those were genuine Salford 1950/60's. I know others but I think I know them bu 'osmosis' from Oldham tinkers albums! I'll see what else I can dredge up. One I can remember the start of was Nebukanezer the king of the Jews, bought his wife a pair of shoes but it stops there! I remember my sister skipping to it. Cheers Dave the Gnome |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Eric the Viking Date: 06 Dec 01 - 01:28 PM Not so nasty, but some good fun-Roald Dahl, revolting rhymes |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: masato sakurai Date: 06 Dec 01 - 11:12 AM Various kinds of nasty rhymes are included in Mary and Herbert Knapp, One Potato, Two Potato: The Folklore of American Children (Norton, 1976); and Simon J. Bronner, American Children's Folklore (August House) ~Masato
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Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Aidan Crossey Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:53 AM Nice one Micca ... I'll see if I can get my hands on a copy. |
Subject: RE: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Micca Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:30 AM Derrymacash, what you need it access to a copy of " The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren" By Iona and Peter Opie (ISBN 0-19-282059-1) and.to a lesser extent, its companion volume by the same authors "The singing game" (ISBN 0-19-284019-3) both deal with British Isles stuff and are unequalled fro their scholarship and thoroughness, including dealing with regional variations |
Subject: Nasty Nursery Rhymes From: Aidan Crossey Date: 06 Dec 01 - 10:22 AM When I was wee we used to recite the following nursery rhyme (Christ knows how these things wash up on the shores of memory, but it just did!).
Ah-choo, ah-choo, me mother has gone to church Other 'catters will surely remember rhymes which they used to chant in the playground, nasty or not. It'll be interesting to see whether these rhymes are regional or universal ... |
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