Lyr Req: Tyneside Tattooist

Subject: Lyr Add: THE TYNESIDE TATTOOIST
From:
Date: 29 Aug 02 - 01:56 PM

I considered Johnny Handle of "The High Level Ranters" the custodian of these words. I asked for his permission to publish them here. Here's what he said and I quote "Hello lad, Its OK to de owt with the words of the tattooist, recite, give them to mates, put it on the web... perhaps we may find the original? Keep ahaad. Johnny Handle" - a Class Act!!! Thank You Johnny!

THE TYNESIDE TATTOOIST

Aa don't suppose yis aall realise it,
But d'ye knaa what Aa'm is?
Aa'm the only Tyneside Tattooist in captivity.

Aa'm the ace of my profession,
It's a smaall one, Aa confess;
'Cos tattooin' is a most exclusive art.

Aa'm the Rembrandt o' the needle,
See me adverts in the press,
Write for catalogue, post free, with coloured chart.

From the NAAFI club at Chatham,
Te the stews of Singapore,
Ye'll find plenty o' examples of my skill.

Aa've done Admirals, and Commodores,
And lower decks galore,
And of well-contented clients, Aa've had me fill.

Now, from the sweet and tender passions,
Ye'd imagine Aa'd be free,
But one winter's neet in 1954:

Aaa was closing me consultin' room
Te gan an have me tea,
When blessed fate came knockin' at me door.

She was GORGEOUS, but ENORMOUS!
(Note: hands shaping breasts here)
What a vision of delight!
At the sight of her, me poor heart skipped a beat.

She wanted iss te tattoo 'er,
Startin' off that very neet....
Every inch of her, from windpipe, doon te feet!

Just imagine Michaelangelo,
The way he must o' stared at that Sistine Chapel,
Then ye'll realize what a prospect Aa was faced with:
Aall alone and unprepared, my designs on a person of her size!

Sivven weeks Aa worked on Mabel,
Aa did everythin' Aa knew;
Inte me reppetory Aa put me heart and soul.

Aa did anchors, true lovers' knots, lovin' hearts entwined,
Robins in the snow and Mispah on a scroll.

Aa did snakes, a bunch o' roses,
A lobster on a plate,
Mr Chorchill, and a view of Beachy Heed.

Oh the acres o' that woman
That Aa had te contemplate,
Why, Aa finished up each evenin' nigh half deed!

When Aa finished, she looked gorgeous,
And Aa was all agog!
What a masterpiece of colour and design:

And thinkin' te use her as a human catalogue
Aa went on me knees,
And asked her... te be mine!

But she torned iss doon completely,
It was brutal, it was harsh,
Or as Mr Shakespeare says... "Aye, what a rub!"

She got married three weeks later
Tiv a chap wiv a moustache,
And he exhibits her at Blackpool in a Club.

Still, Aa've got this satisfaction,
Though me wife she may not be,
She's a livin' testimonial te my fame.

'Cos the blokes that admire her,
Knaa the work was done by me,
'Cos Aa signed her... across her bottom.... WI' ME NAME!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tyneside Tattooist
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Aug 02 - 11:27 PM

So, since you seem to have them, could you post them here? Please?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tyneside Tattooist
From:
Date: 20 Aug 02 - 10:18 PM

I'd like to say a big THANK YOU to Mark for making the original posting on my behalf. Also to Dave Minnikin of the Bridge Folk Club in Newcastle who referred me to Johnny Handle.

It was Johnny I heard all those years ago in the folk club. What a class act!! Thank You Johnny!!! This gentleman and scholar took it upon himself to send a copy of the words along with his latest CD to me in Ottawa Canada! Needless to say I am delighted and extremely grateful to all you "folkies" for helping me resolve this challenge. Best Wishes and Thanks to you all Graham

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tyneside Tattooist
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Aug 02 - 10:42 AM

Copied from http://www.rondrew.co.uk/music/ssaos/people/people_main.htm

Alec FORRESTER joined the [South Shields Amateur Operatic Society] in 1937 and played a succession of leading roles culminating in the ultimate character 'Doolittle' in the 1968 production of "MY FAIR LADY" for which he is best remembered.

Alec was an Executive Committee member for 25 years and for a time held the office of Vice - Chairman. In recognition of his service to the Society he was made a Life Member in 1980.

Outside the SSAOS he was a Headmaster and a great raconteur. His knowledge of local Geordie songs and humour made him a popular entertainer as an after dinner guest speaker and performer at charity concerts.

He made a 7", 45-rpm vinyl EP recording in 1958 with Charlie Routledge (qv) at the piano. It contains Geordie classics of song and recitation such as "THE NEIBORS DOON BELAA", "THE TATTOOIST" and "OH, HEH YE SEEN WOR JIMMY?" Alec probably perfected his Geordie accent whilst performing with the local amateur theatre group, 'The Westovians' (qv).

Alec died in 1991.

While searching (unsuccesssfully) for "The Tattooist" I found these interesting sites:

Geordie Songs

Geordie Songs, Jokes and Recitations.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Tyneside Tattooist
From:
Date: 07 Aug 02 - 08:25 PM

Thanks Mark. I'm the one looking for the lyrics. The Tyneside Tattooist is a monologue I heard once at a folk club in the UK. It was presented by one of the High-Level Ranters as I recall. It tells the story of a tattooist who completely covers a woman in his fine art. He wants to marry her but she instead marries a club owner and becomes a stripper! The last line of the monologue goes: "...but all the blokes that admire her, know the work was done by me, 'cos I signed it, 'cross her bottom, wi' me name!"

I would really appreciate anyone helping to find this masterpiece. Thanks Graham

Subject: Tyneside Tattooist
From:
Date: 07 Aug 02 - 01:19 PM

I am looking for the lyrics to a poem/song(?) called 'The Tyneside Tattooist'. This is on behalf of a friend in Canada who heard it many years ago and who has searched in vain for the words. Thanks.