Lyr ADD: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting

Subject: RE: Lyr ADD: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: rich-joy
Date: 04 Sep 23 - 07:48 PM

This is how it was done down in Oz in the 70s by the excellent 5-member bush band, The Wild Colonial Boys ("Glenrowan to the Gulf" LP) - vocals by Bob McInnes and entitled "Canine Catastrophe".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOioyIDnQeo&t=93s

The whole album is here. ENJOY!!!

Cheers!
R-J

Subject: RE: Lyr ADD: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 23 - 01:34 AM

I committed this to heart as it was told to me by my grandfather Jim Farnham.
It’s shorter yet gets the point across nicely with a slightly different ending.

The dogs they had a meeting
They came from near and far
Some came in an automobile
And some came in a car

Now, as they entered the meeting nook
They hung there assholes on a hook
When they were all seated mother, son and sire
Some son-of-a-bitch hollered, “FIRE!”

They made a rush for the door
No time was spent
Grabbing an asshole as they went

That’s why today upon the street
When two dogs chance to meet
They say, “Your asshole’s just a lone,
I’m still looking for my own!”

Subject: RE: Lyr ADD: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: rich-joy
Date: 04 Sep 23 - 07:48 PM

This is how it was done down in Oz in the 70s by the excellent 5-member bush band, The Wild Colonial Boys ("Glenrowan to the Gulf" LP) - vocals by Bob McInnes and entitled "Canine Catastrophe".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOioyIDnQeo&t=93s

The whole album is here. ENJOY!!!

Cheers!
R-J

Subject: RE: Lyr ADD: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 23 - 01:34 AM

I committed this to heart as it was told to me by my grandfather Jim Farnham.
It’s shorter yet gets the point across nicely with a slightly different ending.

The dogs they had a meeting
They came from near and far
Some came in an automobile
And some came in a car

Now, as they entered the meeting nook
They hung there assholes on a hook
When they were all seated mother, son and sire
Some son-of-a-bitch hollered, “FIRE!”

They made a rush for the door
No time was spent
Grabbing an asshole as they went

That’s why today upon the street
When two dogs chance to meet
They say, “Your asshole’s just a lone,
I’m still looking for my own!”

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,MadTom
Date: 22 Mar 18 - 03:17 PM

As expected, there are many variations of these lyrics. I learned mine from the Royal Air Force Attache to the UK Embassy in Seoul when I was a fighter pilot in the USAF in the 1980s and he dropped in on our Officer's Club at Osan Air Base. In his version, the last line went:

So if your dog's in great pain each time he takes a shit,
There is a simple reason: his asshole doesn't fit!
And this is why, when dogs meet, each one will drop his bone,
To sniff the other's asshole and see if it's his own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Ed
Date: 02 Jun 17 - 12:05 PM

Problem solved. I am age 66. My grandmother passed on 25 years ago at the age of 97. She was famous for reciting "The Reason Why" at family affairs; even funerals. She did not know who gave it her but said she received it as a young teenager. That would make it about 110 years old. When I get to where I have the story, I will post it

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 May 17 - 09:09 PM

The Matt McGinn version, mentioned above in 2011, has been performed in our annual Matt McGinn tribute night in Linlithgow. Done to the tune of "The Church's One Foundation" hymn tune, as also stated above by others.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,kenny
Date: 05 May 17 - 04:45 AM

Apologies if this has been mentioned above, but I'm not trawling through all of those posts to see if it has.
Certainly, I heard Robin Morton of "Boys Of The Lough" reciting this on stage several times at their concerts throughout the mid/late 1970s.
A version was also recorded under the title "Rex" by the great Sligo / Chicago resident musician Kevin Henry on his CD "One's Own Place", released in 1998.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Some bloke
Date: 30 Apr 17 - 06:19 AM

For my sins, of which I hope there are many, I sing it to the tune of St James Infirmary Blues.

A few of the words from one here and a smattering from another. Its quite interesting how it has been given little alterations over the years. In fact, I thought I sang it, whilst very occasionally, the same over the last 38 years or so. I heard a recording of me in 1982 and a number of the words seem to have changed even in my rendition, although never intentionally.

To be honest, I only ever do it as a silly bugger response to when people hear me singing English trad all night and ask me if I sing any blues...

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' PARTY
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 29 Apr 17 - 08:15 PM

We would sing this in noisy coffee houses to shut up the crowd if they weren't listening to us play. (Accapella, to the tune of "The church's one foundation is Jesus Christ Our Lord")

The dogs once had a party, they came from near and far.
Some dogs came by taxi and some dogs came by car.
Each dog signed his name, all in a little book,
and each dog hung his asshole upon the nearest hook.

Some dogs were not invited and this aroused their ire.
They ran into the party and loudly shouted FIRE!
The dogs got so excited they didn't stop to look,
but grabbed the nearest asshole from off the nearest hook.

Now, this is a very sad story, for it is awfully sore,
to wear another's asshole were yours once was before.
And this is why, when dogs meet, on land or sea or foam,
they sniff each other's assholes, in hopes it is their own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Ivan - memories from my 1940's schooldays
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 06:18 PM

The dogs held a party, they came from near and far,
some they came by aeroplane and some by motor car.

Once inside the meeting place instructions they all took,
that each dog take its arsehole off and hang it on a hook.

They marched in slowly, one by one, each mother, son and sire,
but ere the party had begun when a big dog shouted 'fire'.

They dashed out, madly, in a pack, they had not time to look,
each dog it grabbed the nearest arsehole from the nearest hook.

But when they put those arseholes on they were extremely sore,
because each dog's found it's got an arsehole it never had before.

And that is why you'll always find, a dog will leave a bone,
to sniff another dog's arse in the hope of finding his own!!

Anon

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' PARTY
From: GUEST,Simon Knowles
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 08:03 AM

Another version I remember

The dogs all had a party,
They came from near and far,
Some came in by aeroplane
And some by train and car.

Outside in the hallway,
before allowed to look,
Each dog took off it's arsehole,
And hung it on a hook.

Now they were barely seated,
each mother son & sire,
When a dirty little yellow dog
jumped up and shouted FOIE

In the ensuing panic
there was no time to look,
Each dog just grabbed an arsehole
from off the nearest hook

And to their consternation,
It made them very sore
To wear another arsehole
they'd never worn before.

Which is why you'll find a dog
will always leave a big fat bone
To sniff the other's arsehole
To try
To find,
It's own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,quanter
Date: 07 Dec 12 - 12:26 PM

OR -
From 'Mr Gladstone's Bag' in St Andrew's Hall, Norwich, early 80's.

I only heard it once, went home and wrote it down, and have rarely dared to sing it, though I think it one of the funniest things ever, when sung totally straight-faced to 'The Church's one foundation' which I play on a piano accordion with all the stops out!


The dogs they had a party, they came from near and far,
and some dogs came by taxi, and some dogs came by car;
they went into the cloakroom to sign the visitors' book
and each dog hung its arsehole upon a numbered hook.

They filed into the dining room, each mother, son and sire
until some dirty mongrel rushed in and shouted, 'Fire!'
They ran out from the dining room without a backward look,
and each took another's arsehole from off a numbered hook.

It is the strangest feeling; a feeling seldom known,
to wear someone else's arsehole where once one wore ones own;
and that's the reason why sir, while wandering far from home
each dog sniffs another's arsehole to see if it's his own.


Typed from memory after about 30 years with pauses only to wipe my eyes! Ah, the power of song.

~ quanter

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Dec 12 - 11:28 AM

The dogs they held a meetin
They came from near and far
Some came by classy automobile
And others came by car

Before each dog could register
His name upon the book
He had to take his fanny off
And hang it on a hook

And as they were all seated there,
Each mother, son, and sire,
Some dirty son of a cur
Made the call o'fire

They all rushed out in a bunch
They hadn't time to look
Each one grabbed a fanny
And tore it off a hook

That is why a dog will leave
A big, fat, juicy bone
To go and sniff a fanny
To see if tis his own.             1939

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Steve Harrison
Date: 18 Jul 12 - 05:29 AM

Here's how I learned it at a boys' grammar school in Sheffield UK, circa 1960:

The dogs they held a meeting, they came from near and far
Some they came by railway and some they came by car
And as they all assembled according to the book
Each dog took off his arsehole and hung it on a hook.

Now as the meeting started, complete with ladies' choir
Some bloody bastard bulldog stood up and shouted 'fire',
The dogs they fled in panic towards the nearest hook
But to see if it was their own arsehole they didn't bother to look.

Now as you can imagine, the arseholes did not fit
Which made it rather difficult whenever they wanted to shit
And that 's the only reason a dog will leave its bone
To sniff another dog's arsehole to see if it's his own.

(to tune of 'Church's one foundation')

Oh, the benefits of a grammar school education......

Steve

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,LTK
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 10:15 AM

Here's how I learned it:

The dogs all held a meeting
A question to decide
A question of importance,
so they came from far and wide.

They came from lands as far away
As China and Peru,
From the frozen wastes of Greenland
And the lands of Timbuktu.

To assure accommodation
should they all obey the call,
The promoters of the meeting had
Hired the Albert Hall.
And knowing should they all turn up
'Twould be a fearsome crowd
'Twas strictly stipulated
That no assholes be allowed.

So each dog, on his arrival,
Before his seat he took,
Was asked to take his asshole off
And hang it on a hook.
So each unscrewed his asshole
And hung it on a wall,
And with his tail between his legs
He marched into the Hall.

No sooner were they seated,
every mother, son, and sire,
Than a little yellow tyke
jumped up and shouted 'Fire!'

The dogs all started running,
There wasn't time to look.
Each grabbed the nearest asshole
That was hanging on a hook.
And when they all had gotten out
They found, to their surprise,
That though each had got an asshole
it was not the proper size.

It made them very angry
And made them feel quite sore
To have to wear an asshole that
They'd never worn before.

And that's the reason why a dog
When walking down the street
Will turn and sniff the asshole
Of every dog he meets.
And that's the reason why a dog
Will leave a big fat bone
To go and sniff an asshole
That he hopes might be his own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Guest: NightWing (who can't get his cookie s
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 06:15 PM

Here's the way we sing it at the Denver HHH:

The doggies had a meeting,
They came from near and far,
Some came by motorcycle,
Some came by motorcar.

Each doggy had a nametag,
Each doggy signed the book,
Each doggy hung his arsehole
Upon his very own hook.

One dog was not invited,
Imagine his great ire.
He ran into the crowded hall
And loudly shouted, "Fire!"

The dogs all ran in panic.
They had no time to look,
Each doggie grabbed an arsehole
From off another's hook.

And that's the reason why, sir,
Wherever you may roam.
And that's the reason why, sir,
On land or sea or foam.

And that's the reason why, sir,
A dog will leave it's bone
To sniff another's arsehole,
To see if it's his own.

I think the tune we use is "Susie Had a Steamboat".

BB,
NightWing

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' PARTY
From: GUEST,Big T..The original I beleive
Date: 25 Feb 12 - 04:02 PM

The dogs came to the meeting place; they came from near and far
Some travelled in by aeroplane and some by motor car.

And at the registration each one instruction took
they had to take their assholes off and hang them on a hook.

When they were all a-seated each mother son and sire
The chairman rose to make his speech some bastard shouted FIRE!

Now there was great confusion there was no time to look
They had to grab the nearest arse from off the nearest hook

They got their assholes all mixed up, it made them awfully sore
to think they'd lost the asshole they'd always worn before.

So now you know the reason why, he'll leave a juicy bone
To go and smell another's dirty arse he's trying to find his own!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,BERNIE
Date: 06 Jan 12 - 03:02 PM

THE DOGS ONCE HAD A MEETING, THEY CAME FROM NEAR AND FAR
SOME CAME BY AEROPLANE,
SOME CAME BY MOTOR CAR

NOT SURE OF THE NEXT PART


INTO THE HALL THEY FILED,
MOTHER,SON AND SIRE
NO LONGER WERE THEY SEATED WHEN SOME DIRTY BASTARD YELLED OUT FIRE

NOT SURE OF THIS PART ........ GRABBED ANY ARSEHOLE OFF ANY BLOODY HOOK

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS WHY A DOG WILL LEAVE A BONE
TO SNIFF ANOTHER DOGS ARSEHOLE IN THE HOPE IT IS HIS OWN


PASSED DOWN TO ME BY MY DECEASED UNCLE I HAVE LOST THE PIECE OF PAPER.CAN SOMEONE FILL THE GAPS IN PLEASE

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 09:38 PM

G'day "GUEST,cjlangerveld",

Just by way of adding to the world-wide 'date" perspective of this ditty ... how far back in time would you date your Dad's teaching this one to you?

Regards,

Bob Bolton

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,cjlangerveld
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 07:40 PM

So interesting how this little song changes with time and place
Growing up in Michigan my dad taught us the following:

The dogs had a big convention
They came from near and far
Some came by railroad
while others came by car

Before you could enter this hall of fame
Or even take a look,
The dogs had took their hinders (hind end)off
And hung them on a hook

The dogs were nicely seated
When some dirty liar
Caused a great commotion
By yelling Fire Fire!

The dogs all rushed to the hallway
And there by random took
And some dirty dog's hinder
Was left hanging on a hook

Now when you see a little dog
Leave a great big juicy bone
And go sniff another dog's hinder
You'll know he's looking for his own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 12 Sep 11 - 12:58 AM

G'day GUEST,Jackse,

That's an interesting reworking by Matt McGinn ... but the collected (and a few recollected) versions in Australia date back at least a decade before Matt drifted into the 1960s British "Folk Revival" ... and the (Gulgong, NSW, Australia) version I cited had ... by then ... become linked (in form and refain "Bump, bump, bump" device to the 1950s novelty song "The Thing". However, Gulgong locals remembered ( ... or mis-remembered ...) for collector John Meredith, the song as dating back to Henry Lawson in his days as an occasional ex-local passerby - up to the early 1920s!

Regard(les)s,

Bob

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' PARTY
From: GUEST,jackse
Date: 11 Sep 11 - 04:29 PM

This was written by a Scotsman named Matt McGinn

The dogs they had a party; they came from near and far,
And some came by aeroplane and some by motor car.
They went into the lobby and signed the visitors' book,
And each one hung his a*****e upon a separate hook.

One dog was not invited and this aroused his ire.
He rushed into the meeting place and loudly shouted "FIRE!"
Now the dogs were so excited, they had no time to look,
And each one took an a*****e from off the nearest hook.

It's a sad, sad story, for it is very sore
To wear another's a*****e you've never worn before.
And that is why when dogs meet on land or sea or foam,
Each sniffs the others a*****e in hope it is its own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,GUEST
Date: 09 Sep 10 - 05:29 AM

Fantastic. My name is Peter Bently and I have recently published a children's book with my version of this old tale (tail?), entitled The Great Dog Bottom Swap. My late Uncle Hen, a Geordie, told me the story when I was about 12 – it was a lot ruder than my version! He learnt it in the army during the war I think. I wondered about its origins, so thanks for enlightening me!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: deepdoc1
Date: 31 May 10 - 08:10 AM

Learned at a beach fire at Shelter Island, San Diego, ca. 1980, and done in a talking blues style:


The dogs all had a meeting; they came from near and far.
Some of them came by greyhound; others came by car.

Now, before them dogs could enter that great hall to have a look,
They had to take their assholes off and hang 'em on a hook.

So the dogs took off their assholes and in the door they came.
None of 'em had an ass to sit on, but they sat down just the same.

Well, hardly were they seated, each mother, son and sire,
When some dirty low-down son of a bitch jumped up and hollered "FIRE!"

Well, up they jumped and out they run; they didn't have time to look,
But each dog grabbed him an asshole down off of the asshole hook.

They got their assholes all mixed up and that made 'em awful sore,
'Cuz each dog had to go home with an ass that he'd never worn before.

So that is why you see as you walk down the street,
A dog will run and smell the ass of every dog that he meets.

And that is why a dog will leave a nice fat, juicy bone
To run and smell some other dog's butt in hopes he'll find his own.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' MEETING
From: GUEST
Date: 31 May 10 - 06:03 AM

Just found this site. It was my old party piece at the Saracens Rugby Club (many years ago!) My version was/is;

The dogs went to a meeting, they travelled near & far,
Some went there by airoplane & some went there by car;

As they arrived at the meeting place each one instructions took
And each took off his arsehole & hung it on a hook.

They marched on gravely one by one, each mother, son & sire
But scarcely were they seated when some barstead shouted, "Fire"!

Out they all rushed in a flock, there was no time to look,
And each one grabbed the nearest arse from off the nearest hook.

They got their aresholes all moixed up, which made them rather sore
To find they had a different arse from the one they had before!

So now you know the reason why, when a dog walks down the street
He'll go and have a lengthy smell at every dog he'll meet.

You also know the reason why he'll leave a juicy bone -
To go and smell a dirty arse - to try and trace his own!

Subject: Lyr Add: THE REASON WHY
From: GUEST,Simon Neil
Date: 07 Nov 09 - 05:12 AM

I heard this years ago, but could never remember the penultimate verse!

THE REASON WHY

The dogs they held a meeting; they came from near and far,
Some by automobile and some by trolley car.

Once inside the building they were allowed to look,
Each one took his arsehole off and hung it on a hook.

No sooner were they seated every mother, son and sire,
A scruffy little mongrel jumped up and shouted FIRE!

They ran out of the building; they had no time to look.
Each one grabbed at random an arsehole from a hook.

And that is why a dog will leave a nice fat juicy bone
To sniff the arse of another dog and hope to find his own!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: GUEST,Ian Fletcher
Date: 12 Aug 09 - 05:55 PM

I'm from the 'black country' in the midlands (uk) and my nan always used to sing me a version of this rhyme which is probably one specific to this region (we always seem to have our own versions!!)

I'm gonna go find the full thing from her but the joke was in the singing / saying of the lines by adding a 'H' where there isn't meant to be one. It started like this....

The dogs all had a party
They hired the (h)albert hall.
Each dame went with her sire
(h)And hung their (h)arseholes (h)on the wall.

Used to have me in tears, I'm sure it will again when she says it!!

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' PARTY
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jan 09 - 10:58 PM

The version below used to be sung by 2 guys with guitars in O'Neill's Pub in Aberdeen, Scotland every week in the mid 90s.


Now, the dogs they had a party, they came from near and far.
Some dogs came by aeroplane, and some by motorcar.
And at the registration, they all signed the visitors' book.
And each dog hung his arsehole upon a separate hook.

Now, one dog was not invited, and this aroused his ire.
He ran into the meeting, and he loudly shouted "FIRE!"
And in the mass confusion, they had no time to look,
And each dog grabbed an arsehole, from off the nearest hook.

The dogs ran from the meeting, they scattered far and wide,
And which dog had which arsehole, they never could decide.
And that is why when two dogs meet, on land or sea or foam,
Each sniffs the other's arsehole, and hopes to find his own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party/Dogs' Meeting
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 03:50 PM

(Thanks, Joe, or clone, for switching my post to the right thread. I check to see if Mary's Ass was already in here, but forgot to check on this one.)

(Those reading this later may not realize that Mary is not one of the dogs, but a character in another song that I posted the same morning. ;-) )

~ B in T

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' MEETING
From: Desert Dancer
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 03:30 PM

Another I was transcribing for a friend.

~ Becky in Tucson

THE DOGS' MEETING
Sung by Bill Boundy of Lithgow, New South Wales, in Folk Songs of Australia (John Meredith and Hugh Anderson)

Oh, the dogs once held a concert, they came from near and far,
Oh, some they came by aeroplane and some by motor car.
Before into the concert hall they were allowed to look,
Each dog had to take his (knock, knock-knock) and hang it on a hook.
Oh, each dog had to take his (knock, knock-knock) and hang it on a hook.

Oh, hardly were they seated there, each mother, son and sire,
When a dirty little yeller dog began to holler, "Fire!"
Out they rushed in panic -- they didn't stop to look --
Each dog he grabbed a (knock, knock-knock) from off the nearest hook.
Each dog he grabbed a (knock, knock-knock) from off the nearest hook.

And that's the reason why you see, on walking down the street,
Each dog will stop and swap a smell with every dog he meets.
And that's the reason why a dog will leave a good fat bone
To go and smell a (knock, knock-knock) in hope to find his own.
To go and smell a (knock, knock-knock) in hope to find his own.

T: The Dog's Meeting
N: as sung by Bill Boundy of Lithgow, New South Wales, recorded in Meredith, John and Hugh Anderson, Folk Songs of Australia (Ure Press, Sydney,1968)
K: G
M: 6/8
L: 1/8
d2d | G2G G2B | d2d z2d | e2 f g2 e | d5 d |
G2G G2B | d2d d2B | A2A A2B | A3 z2 d |
G2G G2B d2d d2d | e2f g2a | f3 z2 f |
ggg g2e | (d2d d2)d | g2g a2f | g3 b2a |
ggg g2e | (d2d d2)d | g2g a2f | g3 ||

---

I moved this message here from another thread on the same topic.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: Jim McLean
Date: 10 Jul 03 - 05:56 PM

I remember Alex Campbell singing a version of this song and it was always in his repertoire from the early sixties when he first appeared on the (English) folkscene.
Jim McLean

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 10 Jul 03 - 10:18 AM

G'day,

I'm not too sure of the import of JohnInKansas's:
"... but just for those interested in "sourcing" ...A Book of Vulgar Verse, by A Gentleman About Town, Checker Books, Toronto, 1981, ..." -
however, the version alluded to above by JennieG was collected in Lithgow, New South Wales, Australia by John Meredith in 1954.

As it went to the tune (and used the "Knock, knock, knock" device) of the novelty pop song The Thing, that particular version would seem to have been fairly new at that time.

Regards,

Bob Bolton

Subject: Lyr Add: WHY DOGS LEAVE A NICE FAT BONE
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 09 Jul 03 - 10:20 AM

I believe there have been previous threads on this one, but just for those interested in "sourcing" - or the slightly variant phrasing:

A Book of Vulgar Verse, by A Gentleman About Town, Checker Books, Toronto, 1981, ISBN 0-89009-411-X


WHY DOGS LEAVE A NICE FAT BONE
Anonymous

The dogs once held a meeting; they came from near and far.
Some came in automobiles; some came in a car.

But before inside the hall they were allowed to take a look,
They had to take their assholes off, and hang them on a hook.

They all walked in, one by one, mother, son and sire,
But no sooner were they seated than someone hollered, "Fire!"

Then they all rushed out in a bunch; they had no time to look,
So each one grabbed an asshole and ran it off the hook.

They got their assholes all mixed up, it made them awfully sore
To think they'd lost the asshole they'd always worn before.

And that's the reason why when you go down the street,
A dog will stop and swap a smell with every dog he meets.

And that's the reason why a dog will leave nice fat bone,
To smell another's asshole, in hopes to find his own.

A slightly longer(?) version parodies (the right description?) the Union Hall Fire, and my recollection is it was in SingOut! a couple of years back. The initial lines were extended to "explain" that the dogs were meeting for some purpose relating to organizing to improve some social condition - and it is a band of "drunken cats outside," who were excluded from the meeting, and who yelled "fire."

John

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 08:39 PM

Thanks for the replies. I'll be singing it before the weekend.
John M.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: Megan L
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 06:13 PM

this brings back memories, years ago my dad laundered the song to make it more suitable for us bairns so the version i learned had the dogs cheking for thier own tail.

Subject: Lyr Add: DOGS THEY HAD A PARTY (from Bryan Bowers)
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 08 Jul 03 - 10:30 AM

THE DOGS THEY HAD A PARTY
As stolen from Brian Bowers, at the Bottom Line, 1970's

The dogs they had a party; they came from near and far.
Some dogs came by taxi and some dogs came by car.

Each dog signed his name all in a little book,
And each dog hung his asshole upon a little hook.

One dog was not invited and this aroused his ire.
He stormed into the party and loudly shouted FIRE!

The dogs were so excited they didn't stop to look,
But grabbed the nearest asshole from off the nearest hook.

This is a very sad story, for it is awful sore
To wear another's asshole you've never worn before.

And this is why, when dogs meet, on land, or air or foam,
They sniff each other's asshole, in case it is their own.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: Malcolm Douglas
Date: 07 Jul 03 - 09:28 PM

See also these previous:

DOGS MEETING  (DT, with tune; evidently from John Roberts and Tony Barrand, but no other information given).

Song re dogs sniffing rear ends  Includes Australian text, set to The Lincolnshire Poacher, and fragmentary text of unspecified origin to The Church's One Foundation.

Great Australian Folk Song  All sorts of stuff, including more from Australia.

There are probably more, but searches for asshole or arsehole just take too long nowadays.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' CONCERT
From: JennieG
Date: 07 Jul 03 - 09:09 PM

John,

The version I know can be sung to the tune "Lincolnshire poacher", and where the lyrics say *** the performer knocks on something 3 times - guitar, chair, whatever. The last line of each verse is usually repeated too.

The dogs they had a concert, they came from near and far,
And some they came by aeroplane, and some by motor car,
Before into the concert hall they were allowed to look,
Each dog had to take off his *** and hang it on a hook.

No sooner were they seated there, each mother, son and sire
Than a dirty little yellow dog began to holler "Fire!"
Out they rushed in panic, they didn't stop to look,
Each dog just grabbed a *** from off the nearest hook.

So that's the reason why you see on walking down the street
Each dog will stop and swap a smell with every dog he meets,
And that's the reason why a dog will leave a good fat bone
To go and smell a *** in hopes to find his own.

I have also heard it recited instead of sung, and the word arsehole is used instead of the 3 knocks.

Have fun!
Cheers
JennieG

Subject: Lyr Add: THE DOGS' CONVENTION
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Jul 03 - 09:06 PM

THE DOGS' CONVENTION

The dogs held a convention, they came from near and far.
And some dogs came by taxi, and some by motorcar.
And at the registration, they all signed in the book.
And each dog hung his asshole upon a separate hook.

One dog was not invited, and this aroused his ire.
He ran into the meeting, and there he shouted "fire!"
And in the mass confusion, the dogs forgot to look,
And each dog grabbed an asshole, from of the nearest hook.

The dogs ran from the meeting, they scattered far and wide,
And which dog had which asshole, they never could decide.
And now whenever dogs meet, on land or sea or foam,
Each sniffs the other's asshole, in hopes that it's his own.

(melody is "The Church's One Foundation.")

Peter.

Subject: Lyr Req: The Dogs' Party
From: GUEST,John M
Date: 07 Jul 03 - 08:59 PM

The thread on "Piddling Pete" brought to mind a song I heard some years ago about a dogs party which ended in confusion and each dog
went home with the wrong arsehole. The last line of the song goes like
"And now whenever dogs meet, on land or sea or foam, each smells the other's arsehole to see if it's his own". Can anyone please supply the full lyrics?