Subject: Lord 'Size ^^
From:
Conrad Bladey (Peasant- Inactive)
Date: 05 Mar 00 - 12:01 PM
My Lord Size
The jailor for trial had brought up a thief,
Whose looks seem'd a passport to Botnay Bay;
The Lawyers, some with, and some wanting a brief,
Around the green table were seated so gay;
Grave jurrors and witnesses waiting a call;
Attornies and clients, more angry than wise,
With strangers and town's people throng'd the Guildhall,
All waiting and gaping to see my Lord 'Size. Oft stretch'd were their necks, oft erected their ears,
Still fancying they heard of the trumpets the sound,
When tidings arriv'd which dissolv'd them in tears,
That my Lord at the Dead-house was then lying drown'd.
Straight left tete-a-tete were the jailors an' thief;
The horror struck crowd to the Dead-house quick hies;
E'en the Lawyers, forgetful of fee and of brief,
Set off, helter-skelter, to view my Lord 'Size. And now the Sandhill with the sad tidings rings,
And the tubs of the taties are left to take care;
Fish-women desert their crabs, lobsters, and lings,
And each to the Dead-house now runs like a hare.
The glassmen, some naked, some clad, heard the news,
And off they ran smoking, like hot mutton pies;
While Castle-garth tailors, like wild kangaroos,
Came tail-on-end jumping, to see my Lord 'Size. The Dead-house they reach'd where his Lordship they found,
Pale, stretch'd on a plank, like themselves out of breath;
The Coronere an' Jury were seated around,
Most gravely enquiring the cause of his death.
No haste did they seem in their task to complete,
Aware that from hurry mistakes oft arise:
Or wishful, perhaps, of prolonging the treat
Of thus sitting in judgment upon my Lord 'Size. Now the Mansion-house butler thus gravely depos'd--
"My Lord on the terrace seem'd studdying his charge;
And when (as I thought) he had got it composed,
He went down the stairs and examined the barge.
First the stem he surveyed, then inspected the stern,
The handled the tiller, and looked mighty wise;
But he made a false step when about to return,
And souse in the water straight tumbled Lord 'Size." Now his narrative ended, the Butler retired,
Whilst Betty Watt, mutt'ring (half drunk} thro' her teeth,
Declared "in her breest greet consarn it inspir'd
That my Lord shou'd see cullishly come to his deeth.
Next a keelman was call'd on --Bold Archy his name,
Who, the book as he kiss'd it show'd the whites of his eyes,
Then he cut an odd caper, attention to claim,
And this evidience tender'd respecting Lord 'Size. "Aw was settin'the keel wi Dick Stavers an'Matt,
An' the Mansion-house stairs we wor just alangside,
When we a' three see'd sumthin', but didn't ken what,
That was splashin' an labberin' aboot i' the tide.
It's a flucker, ki Dick; No, ki Matt, it's ower big,
It luik't mair like a skyett when aw forst see'd it rise;
Kiv aw--for aw'd getten' a gliff o' the wig--
Ods marcy! wey, marrows! becrike, it's Lord 'Size! Sae aw huik'd him an' suin haul'd him into the keel,
An' o' top o' the huddock aw rowl'd him aboot;
An' his belly aw rubb'd, an' aw skelpt his back weel,
But the watter he'd drucken it waddent run oot.
Sae a brought him ashore here, an' doctors, in vain,
Forst his way, than that, to recover him tries,
For ye see that he's lyin' as deed as a styen,
An' that's a' aw can tell ye aboot my Lord 'Size." Now the Jury for close consultation retir'd;
Some "Death Accidental" were will ing to find;
Some "God's Visitation" most eager requir'd,
Andsome were for "Fell in the River" inclin'd;
But, ere on their verdict they all were agreed,
My Lord gave a groan, and wide open'd his eyes;
Then the Coach and the Trumpeters came with great speed,
And back to the Mansion-house carried Lord 'Size. click for more Problematic HTML deleted. Please do not use images in Mudcat forum messages.
-Joe Offer- ^^
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