BS: Dear Santa...

Subject: Dear Santa...
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 06:33 PM

From Santa's mailbag -

Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa


Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa


Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his butt constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa


Dear Santa, want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're retarded.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of jager.
Santa


Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa


Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shi+ may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa


Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get into your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Dear Santa,
I would like everyone on the Mudcat forum to get along.
Donnie

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 06:35 PM

Dear Donnie,

Can we talk about that Porsche again?

Santa.

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: GUEST
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 06:40 PM

And don't forget that Santa's Elf at:

www.peaceforchristmas.org

has Peace on Earth for All for Christmas. So if all the Mudcat cynics just go get theirs (as Santa seems to be suggesting everyone do), then even Donnie will have his Christmas wish come true!

Ho ho ho!

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 02 - 08:43 PM

LOL!!! Very funny.

A

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Dead Horse
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 06:00 AM

Oi! Santa! Where's my f***ing bike?

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 07:31 AM

So santa...lets talk about a 5 string fiddle for me....

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Midchuck
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 07:46 AM

Santa, is it true you've got two new elves, Huss and Dalton?

Petey.

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Kim C
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 10:07 AM

Dear Santa,

I would like a pet camel, and a sparkly belly dancing outfit.

Love,
Safira Yasmin

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 12:33 PM

Dear Santa:

Please see that EVERYONE who loves folkmusic gets a set of those new Muudcat CDs for Xmas -- they are TOO cool!! :>)

Love,

Amos

---

Dear Amos:

You're getting to be really boring, you know that? You're getting underwear.

Santa

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: GUEST
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 02:09 PM

Not only that, I'm starting to get the distinct feeling that Amos is trying to sell us something.

SantAnon

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Kim C
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 02:18 PM

Does a set of CDs come with a free camel?

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 02:23 PM

How many humps, dearie?

A

Subject: RE: Dear Santa...
From: Bonzo
Date: 13 Dec 02 - 02:29 PM

Dear Santa
Just a little stocking filler for me please!
Bonzo

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Santa...
From: Fiolar
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 09:43 AM

Dear Santa
Can you appear to the vicar who told a class of three olds recently that you were dead and in case reindeer would burst into flame if they had to pull your sleigh at the speed required to get all the toys to kids. Love
Fiolar

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Santa...
From: khandu
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 12:33 PM

Dear Santa,

I been a good boy all year! Now, here's what I want:

I want to finally get the recognition I deserve by becoming Time magazine's "Man of the Year". I believe the majority will shout a hardy "Amen!" to that!

I want a real throne. As King of Mississippi, I look silly sitting on one Bubba pieced together with chicken wire, old tires and a commode.

I want all the ladies to stop treating me as a sex object and realize that I am more than just a pretty faced, luscious bodied, super-stud!

khandu (not to be confused with the big "K" Khandu.)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Santa...
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 01:33 PM

Santa Dear
Could you send me a house with enough rooms to lose the kids in. I really have been VERY good all year.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Santa...
From: Firecat
Date: 14 Dec 02 - 03:48 PM

Dear Santa,

Please could you give me a book on "How To Be Confident"? I've got to learn to speak up cos I'm in Twelfth Night next year!

Thank you!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Santa...
From: diesel
Date: 15 Dec 02 - 12:23 AM

Dear Santa

Merry Christmas !
Just cause you are grumpy this time of year does not mean we are not out to ask off you !

Is it true waht they say about the cold affecting your 'other parts'

Diesel