BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!

Subject: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:28 PM

You won't believe it. The horror! The horror!

the total, horrible truth about Penguin Lust!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: freda underhill
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:34 PM

i hope brucie doesn't come across this thread..

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Peace
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:35 PM

I have got to get my breath back. This will definitely be censored. Glad I saw it before it is erased. Whew. Tabloid heading and all. I need my meds.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 02:53 PM

Why do you suppose Little Hawk was searching for this sort of material?    And why does he feel a need to share it? Could it be that he...he...is...a....I can't bring myself to even think that Little Hawk...could be a...a...one of those!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 03:03 PM

I rather doubt that, Rapaire. I think it's far more likely that Little Hawk is cruising there out of a more immediate interest. I suspect he is looking for a meal. Oh, the horror!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Peace
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 03:09 PM

Yes, the true heart of darkness.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 03:17 PM

I am deeply concerned about this, people, and I thought everyone should know. Even now we have an anonymous GUEST attempting to stir up a hornet's nest over Bob Dylan's appearing in a Victoria's Secret TV ad while Penguin Lust smoulders on the streets and in the bedrooms of the nation! I hope that George Bush siezes the bull by the horns and takes appropriate and decisive action to clean up the whole sordid mess.

For the full expose on Penguin Lust, be sure to press on beyond the introductory screens, which have been censored in order to protect youngsters and Republicans.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 05:14 PM

That's really put the cat among the penguins now!
John

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: GUEST,I'm not telling
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 05:36 PM

They do seem to be everywhere, don't they.

Warning

now they're getting (a)cross

so that's what they're up to!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Dead Horse
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 07:06 PM

I think Joe Clone should remove those links before mudcat is banned for soliciting porn.
I have not worn my penguin suit in years for that very reason.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: GUEST,Some good advice...
Date: 02 Apr 04 - 10:15 PM

Don't open links posted by unidentified Guests. You know not where they may lead.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: LadyJean
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 12:52 AM

Tsk tsk tsk! Penguin porn! I'm shocked and stunned! shocked and stunned!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 04:38 AM

I have a weird craving for an ice cube and some herring....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 10:14 AM

I find it hard to believe that Little Hawk isn't so deeply involved in (shudder!) pengy lust that he's missed this song:

Penguin Lust

Consider the penguin relaxing in slumber,
all snug in his bed on a cold winter's night:
his cares are forgotten now; nothing encumbers
his avian dreams of exquisite delight ...

He's dreaming of flying on gossamer wings,
of drowsing on sun-dappled tropical beaches,
debating philosophers, poets, and kings
who listen in awe to the wisdom he teaches;
of singing La Scala by public demand;
of waking next morning well rested and tanned ...

But then with a start he awakes to discover
that penguins don't have fairy godmothers yet;
instead, he has sisters who look like their brothers
and a stunning physique he would sooner forget.

He glides like a brick floating over the ocean;
there's snow in his undershorts, ice on his tail,
a voice that makes cats wonder "what's the commotion?"
and the vast erudition of J. Danforth Quayle.
In fact, on considering, life is so vile,
there's only one thing that makes living worthwhile:

    it's penguin lust! Penguin lust!
    It's a penguin's hope and faith and trust.
    It's a penguin's only credo:
    underneath that black tuxedo
    lurks a fiery libido
    driven to exceed --
    it's penguin lust! Penguin lust,
    reacting to a world that's so unjust!
    But somewhere in that wild defiance
    lurks the hope that someday, science
    will invent some new appliance
    that will help him fly ... that's penguin lust.

Consider the penguin in search of his dinner,
consulting the menu at Top of the Mark:
observe that his waistline is not getting thinner
eating polar bear potage or filet of shark.
His vices are legend, his lusts are perverse;
he cannot be sated, nor ever contented.
His taste runs the gamut from awful to worse:
all sorts of depravity not yet invented.
His immoral appetite knows no restraint;
it makes senators ill and evangelists faint:

    it's penguin lust! Penguin lust!
    Makes strong men cringe and shudder with disgust!
    It's so vile that if you're in it,
    God may strike you down this minute.
    There should be a law agin' it --
    it's a mortal sin;
    it's penguin lust! Penguin lust!
    His psyche's far too twisted to adjust!
    His immodesty upstages
    vices awful to outrageous --
    I sure hope it ain't contagious...
    Nothing can assuage it, penguin lust!
    No, nothing can assuage it, penguin lust!

© Copyright 1992, Elton Wildermuth

(does this qualify this thread for Above The Salt status?)

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 12:15 PM

I haven't seen anything like this since my research on "debt slaves" in the US went astray (don't use "bondage" as a search key!!!).

John

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 12:56 PM

Good Lord! That is one amazing song lyric, and I never knew of it till today. Thanks, Rapaire!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 04:27 PM

Oh, HORRORS! What have I done? Oh, woe is me, for I fear the I have sunk poor Little Hawk even more deeply into the morass of penguin lust! Can no one save him?

But, yes! If we all work together I think that we just might save Little Hawk from Penguin Lust! First, send me a voluntary contribution (PM me for the address, cash only) and then close your eyes real tight and say, "I do believe in fai..." oops, I mean "Save Little Hawk!"

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 04:43 PM

LOL! Rapaire, you have no shame. I always liked the character Opus, in Bloom County. He was forever trapped in a miasma of penguin lust, but was afraid to show it.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: GUEST,Puffin
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 05:53 PM

If you type "penguin porn" into Google you get 52,900 results.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 06:01 PM

What???? You gotta be kidding. How many of those actually have anything to do with penguins?

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Peace
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 06:14 PM

GUEST,Puffin: You have my eternal thanks.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 07:23 PM

I had shame, but we were so poor when I was growing up that I sold it to buy a crust of moldy bread for my mother, who was ill. She took the crust in her loving hands, hands that had worked themselves raw sewing shirts in the sweatshop so that her children might have a better life than she had had, coughed up a little blood (and bits of thread), looked at me, her first-born, through her slowly dimming eyes, and said, "What the hell is this? This is it?"

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 04 - 07:33 PM

Well, that's quite a story. I hope that the Twillingsgate gentry get to read it, thus instilling in them a sense of compassion for the downtrodden and wretched of the Earth.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Gareth
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 05:56 AM

Hmmm ! Could "little Hawk" be a "Little Auk" in drag ?

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: freda underhill
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 07:04 AM

it was a light and freezing day
as i wandered onto the ice
delirious, dizzy and reeling in
some fish, all tasty and nice
i saw a sanguine penguin
waddling, flirtatiously
it came and gazed unto my eyes
and hopped onto my knee
it was a moment beyond preconception
as her little arms did flutter
my beating heart was throbbing hard
as little sounds she uttered
i was about to grab her
and stab her with a fork
to punctuate her feathered soul
to sautee here with pork
when in wandered a tall and slender man
dark eyed and nostrils flaring
he lassood her with a golden rope
and rescued her with daring
he turned and strode across the ice
with the penguin on his arm
i watched, as they wandered onwards
into the evening calm
and crimson streaked across the sky
like my bereft and bleeding heart
while the penguin thumbed its nose at me
and said "piss off, old fart"
my tears were hot and sizzled deep
in the cracking, crumbling snow
my feet crunched in the frozen ice
it was time to turn, and go.

from The Rhyme of the Ancient Marinator.

ps, send $5 for penguin recipes, c/o
freda underhill, mudcat cafe.

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 11:40 AM

Hey, this kinky stuff has to stop. I don't think it's right for humans to EAT penguins. What kinda people ARE you?

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Peace
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 11:44 AM

Samuel Taylor, eat your heart out. But not the penguins. Lightly saute in . . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Jeanie
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 01:49 PM

Calling all penguin fanciers !! Have a look at the "World Rat Day" thread for details I have discovered about "International Penguin Day", happening at the end of April. Get the details here and celebrate !

- jeanie

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 02:43 PM

Penguins do not taste at all good, fortunately, unless you are a leopard seal. (Or unless they are chocolate bars.)

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Strick
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 06:57 PM

Aubrey and Maturin used to salt them down...

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 04 - 10:38 PM

It goes back to my First Law of Cooking: Nontoxic in, nontoxic out.

I understand that penguins are oily and taste fishy. Eating them won't kill ya, but!

Subject: RE: BS: Penguin Lust...hideous truth revealed!!!
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Apr 04 - 12:11 AM

Penguins taste better than coots, but that's only because anything tastes better than coots.