BS: Joke thread for 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Nov 25 - 12:01 PM

I've given up on the "jokes" I'm afraid. As someone said, it is all subjective and I am not prepared to subject myself to any more! Hopefully someone will start a new one for 2026 but it will not be me.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 11 Nov 25 - 05:44 PM

"I call my girlfriend Apostrophe ............. she is so possessive".

(Frankie Howard 1973) Who of course couldn't possibly be funny, now could he?

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: BobL
Date: 12 Nov 25 - 03:33 AM

I once knew a girl called Simile - dunno what I met her for.

Th old ones are still the best...

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Nov 25 - 01:32 PM

Ernie, in his eighties, was admitted to a care home some years ago. He had for those many years talked about his sexual desires not being met or encouraged and most people thought it to be a joke. He was a very pleasant mannered man and very easy going. Always sympathetic towards the staff and helpful when he could be with the residents. He was an eighty nine year old, still talking about his lack of sexual activity, so when his ninetieth Birthday came along, the staff got together to try to arrange something they thought he would really appreciate. One ingenious member of staff suggested that they hire a 'strippagram' lady, to give him a thrill on his big day and this quickly became an established idea. A Senior staff member, contacted a lady who advertised locally and the scene was set. On his big day, Ernie was conveniently sat at a table, across from the main door of the dining room, where his party was being held. As his Birthday cake was being brought around and the wine and sherry distributed, the music started and Ernie looked up to see where it was coming from, only to see a scantily clad woman crossing the floor towards him. She moved quickly to where Ernie was sat and pranced sexily round him, for a few minutes, until the music stopped. She looked him straight in the eyes and he very loudly asked 'What do you want'?..... She smiled a broad sexy smile and replied 'I've come to give you Suuupersexxxxx'!!!!. He paused for a few seconds then replied ' I think I'll have the soup'.
Michael J Hill Feb 1998.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 19 Nov 25 - 11:33 AM

While we are on lexicographical humour.

Did you know you can't run through a campground? You can only ran, because it's past tents.

I am sure there is a lot more scope with tentative jokes.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Nov 25 - 02:29 PM

Imade my campsite next to the precinct and the cops arrested me for loitering within tent.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Nov 25 - 04:35 PM

The greatest divide between American humor and other countries is probably due to the satirical Mad Magazine.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Raggytash
Date: 19 Nov 25 - 05:06 PM

No Donuel,

Utter nonsense.

Fifty odd years ago myself and many friends bought Mad Magazine and thought it was brilliant and still do.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Nov 25 - 04:30 AM

As a UK resident Donuel, I have considered your humour as non existent....I'm so sorry if I have misjudged it!!! As you say, it must be the greatest divide!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Nov 25 - 08:12 AM

A guy, feeling his age, goes to the doc and says "if I press my finger to my forehead, it hurts, if it is shoulder it hurts, poke my knee it hurts"

The doctor says "Hm..... Clear case of broken finger"

Jay Leno, 2025

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Nov 25 - 03:27 PM

Kids and corporations are alike.
They literally can't wait for Christmas, they profit enormously and then lay off jobs.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Aethelric
Date: 25 Nov 25 - 04:53 PM

I love kids.

In my spare time I’m a clown and I do kid’s parties.

I call myself Budum Budum

Why?

Because thats the noise kids make.

Well they do when you run over them in a Volvo.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 26 Nov 25 - 08:40 AM

Billed in ElReg comments as a "very old joke":

c - the speed of light, constant, independent of the speed of the observer.

w - the speed of Windows, constant, independent of the speed of the hardware.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Dec 25 - 09:24 AM

Having been married a few times, I started to realise that there is one special type of food that makes a woman slowly lose her sex drive.....It's called ........wedding cake.

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Dec 25 - 07:43 AM

Why does Raggedy Anne wear a scarlet letter A?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio's nose saying, "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Subject: RE: BS: Joke thread for 2025
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 04 Dec 25 - 09:50 AM

Swiped from ElReg comments:

You have reached the psychiatric help line. For obsessive/compulsive press 1 repeatedly. For multiple personality disorder press 2, 3, 4 and 5. For paranoia just hang up. We know who you are.

.... Was there not a song about this? sigh: now I've got "press Two to get despair" running around in my head in hobnail boots.

Subject: RE: tie a yellow ribbon
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Dec 25 - 06:26 AM

Tap thee times for clinical depression.
Once on the pipe, if you just want to fight.