BS: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie

Subject: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie
From: Helen
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 07:41 PM

"Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph."

Haile Selassie

I just quoted this in CarolC's thread requesting ideas for her research paper.
Help: Not Music. Research Paper

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=26975&messages=29

Here is the story of my 14 months of being bullied at work and then you may understand why this quote really says something for me. But, it is a telling social comment about too, too many situations in the human world.

From April '99 to Late June this year I was the victim of workplace bullying: cold, mercilees, calculating and manipulative bullying. I was caught up in it because I was trying to see the good in this boss, and thinking that if I just did my job better, and figured out how to communicate with him better we would start making some positive progress. He was thinking (IMHO) if I keep pushing this woman to the limit she's going to break & I'll get my jollies, get rid of her and then move on to the next victim.

Reegardless of how stressed, how low my health and emotional wellbeing was, how much I thought I was going to break into tiny pieces there were two emotional/social contacts which kept me going: my fiance (now hubby) and the Mudcatters. I kept checking in here every day, reading threads, not responding much but just sitting here feeling a part of this community.

The big thing to remember about bullying is that the people around you, especially the people who are working in the same workplace, often don't want to know about what is happening to you. Many in the workplace are afraid that they might be next if they are seen to be siding with the victim. It was the most isolating & scary human experience I have ever been through.

Finally, one morning I was sitting here feeling disconnected from everything, but reading the Mudcat thread titles and I realised that I was studiously avoiding any of the fun threads. A revelation hit me: I had lost my sense of humour. So, I posted a new thread entitled "Help, I've lost my sense of humour" requesting jokes & funny songs, maybe about clever revenge etc, to make me feel better. I started it off by referring to the Philadelphia Lawyer song.

Well, most people took it in the vein in which it was intended and came out with the funniest, silliest, sickest jokes that they could think of. Gradually I started to unfreeze from my sense of disconnectedness from other people. So, as I was starting to fight back against my tormenter I was being buoyed up by a bunch of people, the majority of whom I may never meet in person, but who helped me much much more than the people I had thought were friends who live closer to me here in Oz.

If it hadn't been for Mudcat and this sense of a loving sharing community I would probably still be trying to find my feet emotionally.

Now I have found many websites set up by other victims of bullying and I am also a member of an international e-group list. We help each other out just by talking about it and we each understand what the others have been through. So the internet has given me that bonus as well.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie
From: GUEST,Joerg
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 08:53 PM

"Don't get frightened, get angry." -- read in a book written by Terry Pratchett. Don't know if this one is really by him, but at least the translation from german back to english is by me.

Grrr! - ;-)

Joerg

Subject: RE: BS: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie
From: CarolC
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 10:45 PM

I'm sorry you had such a tough time of it, Helen. I agree with you about the Mudcat being such a good place for healing to happen. I've only been here for a little more than three months, but it's made a tremendous difference in my life. I hope you are in a better job situation now.

Best wishes and good luck with everything,

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie
From: Troll
Date: 29 Oct 00 - 10:52 PM

Happy to be of service Ma'm. If you need any more cheerin' up you just holler,y'hear? We dint even scratch th' surface of the bad-joke reservoir. Theys plenty more where those come from.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Quote for my last year: Haile Selassie
From: Helen
Date: 30 Oct 00 - 06:18 PM

What really concerned me about my experience as a victim of bullying was the big wall of silence put up by almost everyone else in that department. There were about 40 people working there in an open plan office and there were some days that I would be lucky to get a hello and a goodbye for the whole day's work. If I tried to talk to anyone about my problem, to try to find out why/how/what etc it was all about they would run a mile.

That quote from Haile Selassie hits the nail on the head for me. And my experiences make me see how it must be/have been for victims of other, larger bullying situations, such as the Holocaust, and the people Amnesty International try to help. Other people turn away, for whatever reason. Some are afraid of being the target, some don't care, some are afraid to face up to what is really happening, some don't like to rock the boat, and some actively encourage and participate in the victimisation. There is a woman in the same department who gets her jollies from making other people feel small and frightened. She and the boss were two of a kind, but she let him do most of the dirty work. But, there are a lot of others in that department who would deny that they participated in it, but standing aside and letting it happen is as much of a crime as doing it yourself.

One woman listened to me, and she is the one who helped me to find out the missing keyword: bullying. She used the word sociopath but an internet search on that word brought me to an incredibly helpful site about bullying, and the whole thing fell into place in an instant. At last, I knew what had really been happening to me, and I could start taking effective action.

Thanks Carol.

Joerg, you can quote as much Pratchett as you like, & in any language - I love his fiction.

Troll, it's probably time for another jokes thread - pick a theme and start it up.

Helen